nakedjen

Ramble on NakedJen

So there are loads of things I want to talk about and discuss before this year comes to a close. Many things I feel I need to share. But right this minute I need to go shower and find something suitable to wear as Tauna is coming over to go out to lunch, Clyde has not been walked and I'm sitting here naked.

Steve Spurrier resigned today. I am THRILLED BEYOND BELIEF about that one. It is like a gift from the universe. Honestly. I have been asking for that for the last month and WHAMO it happened. I am so thankful. 2004 will be better just for that. (For those of you going, "What the heck?" he was the head coach of my beloved Redskins. No more. Thank goddess!).

I was up until way past 3:00 a.m. last night searching for jobs and other things. Found many jobs in both LA and New York (that always seems to happen) for both myself and Dave. I still want Maui, but Dave really wants the Film Industry and quite frankly it's not all about me and if that's the case well then we should go where the jobs are and I should stop whining and just go visit Maui whenever I want...n'est pas? I can do my holistic stuff, he can do his movie stuff, I can visit maui (and London if we're in NY), life is less stressful...I feel like we just need a plan. And we haven't really discussed it because he's writingwritingwriting his screenplay right now and really isn't up for talking much.

I just looked at the clock. If I hop in the shower now I might be able to squeeze a walk in for Clyde before Tauna arrives on the door step...

I'll be back. Seriously. No, I mean it.

Get Naked in Lincoln! Protest for Melissa Harrington!

In the Thank God I Live In Santa Cruz department, I stumbled across this little article today.  I don't think we'll be asking Melissa to share any of her naked photos for our Naked Friday posts since we don't want her to get in any more trouble than she's already in. 

But how hard up can those police officers in Lincoln really be?  And what were they doing looking at the pictures during their police hours?  Is it their duty to be cruising the Internet searching for naked pictures of people that may have just been taken in public places somewhere in the state of Nebraska? 

If I were a tax-paying citizen in Lincoln we all know how outraged I would be about all of this.  I'm outraged and I live in Santa Cruz where, thankfully, I can be naked wherever I want. 

Women and men in Lincoln, I urge you to go out and show your support for Melissa by getting naked and protesting this abuse and waste of your tax dollars. 

I'll be interested to see how this all plays out.  Go say hello to Melissa.  Her web site is here.

Maui Bed Breakfast Naked

There are times when it is veryveryvery late at night (or early in the morning, I guess, depending upon which way you decide to truly read the clock) when I find myself sitting here at my little laptop obsessed with following the referring links to this blog.  I have had and have relied upon Caller ID for years so it comes as really no surprise to me that I want to know what I can about those who are landing here to read or gawk or do whatever it is that they do once they've clicked their mouse on NakedJen as a web destination.

It seems most folks landing here do so because they've already got this site bookmarked or even, gasp, have the URL memorized.  There are others, though, who land here thanks to the glories of the Google search engine or the Yahoo search engine or even the AOL search engine.  It is these folks who intrigue me most, as I want to know what it is that they were searching for that made NakedJen appear as an option amongst all the gazillions of possibilities that now exist on the big old world wide web.  Even more intriguing to me would be to know why they chose NakedJen from all said possibilities, but since I don't request that information upon entry (now wouldn't that be an interesting experiment?  Please tell me...why are you here and how did you arrive?) I just have to deduce that they were either clicking thru all possibilities until they found their answer or the words NakedJen just piqued their own curiousity.  Good thing cats don't surf the web.

It turns out the original search string usually has something to do with the word naked which is certainly no surprise.  But there are those who have entered Mormons and Mayonnaise (I kid you not) and have landed here.  First, who searches for Mormons and Mayonnaise?  But more importantly, why do you choose a blog entitled NakedJen from among all the choices provided? 

There seem to be many out there in the world who are searching for Men in Skirts.  And still others who are looking for Naked Sushi.  Some are looking for just plain NakedJen.  Whether it is me they are looking for or not, I'm not sure since all I know is that they typed nakedjen into the search field and Google asked if they were sure they might not mean naked jen?  Some folks are looking for Perfect Jeans and instead decide to find out what I have to say on the subject.  There are even folks who somehow end up here because they've gone looking for a doula.  Perhaps they want a naked one.

The search that leads the most folks here?  Maui Bed Breakfast Naked. 

I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm taking that as a sign from the Universe that I'm on the right path and perhaps will manifest Maui after all.  Folks are obviously looking for it.  I believe I just need to get my act together and provide them with an actual naked destination instead of just a virtual one.

Better go do that now.

Cardses and Confections

With my greatest thanks to Bakerina for both her generosity and her inspiration, I managed to complete all the baking yesterday.  And I must admit that the ginger cookies that I made are perhaps the most delicious things I've ever created.  You can eat just one, but it lingers for so long on your tongue and in your subconscious that you believe you've eaten twelve. 

When I was wrapping everything up to give away to our friends, Dave was nearly dancing with glee that there were actually ginger cookies left over for him.  When I announced that I had 24 left over, he was practically leaping off the couch and reminded me that he could consume 24 cookies in one sitting. 

He could.  But not of these.  They're just too good.  Absolutely delicious.  Again, Jen, the Bakerina, gets the majority of the credit for sharing her recipe and her secrets to the extra goodness. 

I took a batch of the cookies to my other family's home tonight.  We were gathering for a potluck of cards and general holiday fun.  I also brought some peppermint bark and some of the botched toffee brownies.  The peppermint bark was a huge hit, but who can not love organic chocolate with peppermint?  It's pretty hard to find fault with that.

The botched toffee brownies were gobbled right up, but again, those were a hit last year and everyone was so happy to see them make a return appearance. 

But the ginger cookies stopped people from even talking.  Or being able to play their cards.  Or just about anything.  They are just that good.  I don't even care that they're almost as labor intensive as the botched brownies.  I'll be making them again before next Christmas because as I said, Dave has declared them his new favorite. 

All thanks, again, to the Bakerina.  She certainly knows a good ginger cookie when she tastes one.

The Hair Down There or I'm Blogging About This You Know

We have our own Christmas Day tradition in our household.  Movies.  As many as we can possibly see at the cinema.  This year the bill held three.  Mona Lisa Smile, Paycheck and Something's Gotta Give.  The timing allowed us the opportunity to take a break between each film and come home to spend a few minutes with Clyde so he wouldn't feel as if he'd been completely forgotten.

I was quite disappointed with Mona Lisa Smile.  It wasn't the actual writing or directing of the movie.  My grudge was with the editors of the film.  I was so put off with the pacing and the choices that the editors had made for cuts from one scene to the next that I was never able to truly enjoy the movie.  The movie itself had quite a few reminders for me of my own life.  New England college steeped in tradition.  Being a bit subversive.  Learning that not everyone has to do everything your way in order for you to make a difference and make a change.   Nice things.  But the editors should not be hired for future films.

http://www.paycheckmovie.com/ was enjoyable as long as you didn't think too much and aren't put off by noise and explosions.  It's John Woo.  What else is there to expect?  Boom.  Bang.  Car chase.  Futuristic plot that allows for cool special effects.  Ben Affleck didn't have to much more than look perplexed and a lot of running (chase scenes remember) so he did fine.  My girlfriend Uma was completely wasted in this film and something horrible happened to her skin.  Not sure what was going on there, but she looked like she forgot her sunscreen.  As I said, it was fine for a Christmas afternoon when you're avoiding Christmas all together by spending it at the movies.

Something's Gotta Give was cute.  Jack and Diane were obviously having a very fun time together and that was fun to see.  It was also obvious that the writer/director of the film had a personal story she needed to purge.  That's okay because she kept it light and entertaining and didn't make us hate anyone.  I've been guilty of the same thing in my own playwrighting so I'm probably sympathetic.  Jack played Jack.  Diane did a great job, Frances McDormand was good and Keanu Reeves was given a role where he couldn't really annoy anyone.  Again, it was good for a Christmas evening movie when you're avoiding Christmas all together.

We ate Thai food, lots and lots of Thai food, in between movies number 2 and 3.  Our friends Matt and Lisa joined us again for this movie extravaganza and since this was the third year we all declared it is now a tradition.  And a nice holiday tradition it is.

Last night was spent gathering with a bunch of online girlfriends for a small gathering in Sunnyvale.  These are all women that I originally met online and have since met in real life.  One of them just got married so there was loads of talk about her wedding and the guests and the presents and the honeymoon and the angst over changing her name. 

Another one is pregnant with her first baby and due in February and there was lots of talk about babies and delivery and new borns and doulas.  There was also lots of talk about sex.  And bras.   And more talk about sex.  And underware.  And again more talk about bras.  And then back to sex again.  And then Sassy's phone rang and because it was her new boyfriend calling and he's from Dallas her phone rang with the Dallas theme song.  I told her I'd blog about that.  She met him in Dallas on Halloween and he's still there and she's still here and the whole long-distance thing is happening and now the question is not if he'll move here but when and we heard last night that it might be March!  Wow.  For now though, her cell phone just ringsringsrings with the theme song from Dallas.  I know she loves him, but that song would simply drive me nuts.  I wonder if his phone rings with Do You Know The Way To San Jose whenever she calls him?

There followed a discussion about the purchase of Altoids, a visit to Fredericks for sleazy sexy attire and the celebration of New Years and two days following in a hotel room in Dallas.  It seems a certain Cowboy, who doesn't have a horse, has never had a proper blow job.  He didn't even know that girls will "complete" them.  He's never been finished, as they say.  Plans are in the works for this Cowboy to receive his first proper complete blow job complete with an Altoid tingly sensation to ring in the New Year properly.  And yes, I told them I was going to blog about this.

For those of you that are curious, Fredericks of Hollywood sells the Extreme Cleavage bra.  Victoria's Secret sells something called the Push-Up.  The Extreme is cheaper than the Push-Up, but the Push-Up is a bit more comfortable.  This according to those present last night who were wearing said bras.  I don't wear push-up bras, personally, but am now intrigued.  I also don't usually wear bras from Frederick's or Victoria's.  But I want to go to Fredericks to try one of these Extreme bras since they seem to give such nice cleavage.  Not that I really need cleavage...but sometimes a little cleavage can go a long way. 

On the drive back home the discussion in the car turned to the hair down there.  My eleven year old friend is sprouting it and asked her mother why it was necessary?  I remember thinking the exact same thing when I was her age.  What on earth was this hair?  And why there?  Gross.  That's what I thought.  Gross.  I also decided that it was completely unnecessary and went into my parent's bathroom, took my father's very rudimentary razor and shaved it all off.  More than once.   Cut myself to bits, but that hair was all gone.  I didn't want it and it kept coming back! 

As we were discussing this last night during the drive home I realized that I still had no idea why it was necessary.  Turns out it's left over from when we were hairy all over.  And it's used to catch our sent and pheromones to send to the opposite sex for reproductive purposes.  And to keep things warm.  Lovely.  I even learned that in Korea there are women paying to have more hair down there!  I still am not all that thrilled with the hair down there, but I have stopped shaving it all off.  Occassionally it's waxed, sometimes even into shapes to surprise Dave, but for the most part it's just nicely trimmed. 

Which brings me to today.  The baking is still not complete.  That will hopefully happen today.  The things I am making this year are all rather labor intensive and life keeps getting in the way.  I had to make ginger syrup for the ginger cookies.  The botched brownies required me to first botch the toffee and let it sit for 24 hours.  The chocolate bourbon truffles...well...they're just taking longer than anticipated.  But I want to be able to go visit folks tonight with a bit of holiday goodness. 

With any luck, that will happen today.  Unless life gets in the way again.

Naked Goddess Lori

This is Lori.  Lori is a regular reader of this blog and has her own very lovely blog here.  She is our goddess of naked Fridays this week.  Lori has been recounting her own experiences with ulcerative colitis.  Sharing this picture here is part of her healing process.

Isn't she just simply amazing?

Naughty or Nice?

There are some of you who actually received this card in the post.  There are many others of you for whom I did not have a mailing address.  This card is for those of you.  Dave and I wish you the very merriest of merriest holidays, whichever one it is that you choose to celebrate at this time of year.  And we wish you an abundance of nakedness and all the best for 2004.

In related news, I wrote a long post last night, posted it and then deleted it.  I've never done that before. Ever. However, last night I was suddenly gripped with panic because the URL for this site has been included in the holiday cards that we mailed to all our relatives, family and friends.  I suddenly was quite worried about what Uncle Paul might think if he should come here and see this. 

Silly me.  There I am lying stark naked in the banner and I'm concerned about what Uncle Paul might think about a holiday advertisement for a rampant rabbit.  (Note to Uncle Paul:  If you're reading, I hope you'll find it as humorous as I do).   

I believe this is just further proof that I don't find nudes sexual.  Beautiful, absolutely.  Sexual, not on your life.  Nude bodies are all gorgeous in my eyes, but they are gorgeous as the Universe's lovely expression of individuality.  It is our bodies individual differences that make each of us the beautiful souls that we are.  I never cease to be amazed at that.

Go get naked, hug your loved ones, and have yourself a holly jolly holiday.

Stealth Mayo, Part II

The offending mayo is becoming "stealth mayo". It's the newest and greatest parlor game. No longer is this just a jar of Kraft mayo. This jar now has a new label. It's the Stealth Mayo and comes complete with instructions. It will be left in some poor unsuspecting soul's refrigerator sometime during this holiday season as I make my holiday party rounds.

When the Stealth Mayo is discovered (if it's ever discovered) the person will realize that it's not just any old jar of mayonnaise, but one that needs to be passed on to some other unsuspecting poor soul. And documetation of its whereabouts will be sent back to me so we'll always know exactly what refrigerator to avoid.

And so it will be the mayonnaise that never dies. It will travel the world. It will see the insides of refrigerators from here to who knows where. Oh the stories that this mayo will be able to share.

Stealth Mayo. Possibly appearing in your own refrigerator one day soon.

Stealth Mayonnaise

there is mayo in my refrigerator. i'm not sure how long it has been there, but i do think i know how it got there. and i don't believe it's an early present from santa unless santa thinks i've been a very a naughty girl indeed and i can only think of that one time, well, and that other time and then yes, okay, there was that time, too, but really, santa likes to bring you good gifts right? not bad gifts that make you gasp in shock and horror. i'm surprised it took me until today to discover it, but now that i have, i want to throw it away. however, it's practically a full jar and i hate to be wasteful. still it's mayonnaise. ICK! we all know how i feel about mayonnaise.

you who are reading, if this offensive mayo belongs to you and you'd like to come and pick it up, i'd be so ever grateful. you know i'm frightened of mayonnaise. you know i find it completely unnatural. you also know that i won't throw it away without first giving someone the opportunity to claim it and take it off my hands.

i don't judge others for their mayonnaise habits. i just can't bear to have it in my refrigerator talking to my organic vegetables and indian chutneys. what will they think? who knows what dirty things that mayo has been saying to them?

you know, i read somewhere that mayo makes a good hair conditioner. i'm not willing to try that as i can't imagine what the rinse process would feel or taste like, but if any of you would like this jar of mayo for your own lovely tresses, i'll happily send it to you. it's kraft real mayonnaise, by the way. At least it's not fake mayonnaise. that would be even worse.

Gift Wrap Fetish

It's a very rainy Tuesday.  A perfect day for baking.  Baking is exactly what I will be doing today. 

I no longer celebrate Christmas, but somehow still feel obligated to mark this season with sweet treats for my friends and family.  The first year that I met Dave, I agreed to participate in his family's Christmas celebrations even though I no longer celebrated Christmas myself.  Many years of living in California with a country between me and my family on the East Coast had slowly whittled away any need for Christmas celebrations for me.  Plus, living in California had truly returned me to my earth-goddess roots and I learned and realized that the Solstice was my holiday, not Christmas.  I had spent most of my Christmas days in California feeding the homeless and less fortunate.  And in Santa Cruz, that's a lot of people and it takes all day long.

However, Dave's family celebrates Christmas.  And boy do they celebrate.  Dave's family likes to have family gatherings.  However, they have this odd need to have absolutely everyone present for family gatherings.  Which means for some occasions such as birthdays and holidays, we are still celebrating them months after they have actually passed.  One year the tree was still up and we were still trying to have Christmas when it was time to celebrate my birthday.  My birthday is January 21.  It was that year that I said to Dave that while I loved his family, I couldn’t celebrate Christmas with them anymore.  So now we celebrate the Solstice and go to the movies on Christmas day instead. 

I am not a Grinch, however, and do understand that those that we love and hold dearly still celebrate Christmas or Hanukkah.  For this reason, I bake treats.  Lots of sweet yummy treats.  My inner Martha Stewart comes out in full-force and I not only bake lovely cookies and gooey brownies and bourbon balls, but also I go overboard with my packaging.  I love packaging things just right.  It’s true.  I think I have a fetish when it comes to gift-wrapping and presentation.  I could spend hours upon hours upon hours in paper stores.  I think at times it takes me longer to actually package my little sweet some things than it does to bake them. 

So since it’s a rainy Tuesday just before the actual Christmas holiday, I’ll be baking.  And packaging.  Because I do believe that a well-wrapped gift of gooey treats can be a perfect gift to welcome the New Year.