there is mayo in my refrigerator. i'm not sure how long it has been there, but i do think i know how it got there. and i don't believe it's an early present from santa unless santa thinks i've been a very a naughty girl indeed and i can only think of that one time, well, and that other time and then yes, okay, there was that time, too, but really, santa likes to bring you good gifts right? not bad gifts that make you gasp in shock and horror. i'm surprised it took me until today to discover it, but now that i have, i want to throw it away. however, it's practically a full jar and i hate to be wasteful. still it's mayonnaise. ICK! we all know how i feel about mayonnaise.
you who are reading, if this offensive mayo belongs to you and you'd like to come and pick it up, i'd be so ever grateful. you know i'm frightened of mayonnaise. you know i find it completely unnatural. you also know that i won't throw it away without first giving someone the opportunity to claim it and take it off my hands.
i don't judge others for their mayonnaise habits. i just can't bear to have it in my refrigerator talking to my organic vegetables and indian chutneys. what will they think? who knows what dirty things that mayo has been saying to them?
you know, i read somewhere that mayo makes a good hair conditioner. i'm not willing to try that as i can't imagine what the rinse process would feel or taste like, but if any of you would like this jar of mayo for your own lovely tresses, i'll happily send it to you. it's kraft real mayonnaise, by the way. At least it's not fake mayonnaise. that would be even worse.
