Before I jump into a brand new year, a year ripe with possibilities, a year when perhaps even I will finally decide what it is that I want to be when I grow up (of course that means that I might also have to grow up and that will take some doing in and of itself), I must conclude the last year with one final very long ramble-on post that includes bits and pieces of things that I’ve been thinking of over the last week or so and really want to include here before tearing off that December calendar page and jumping into January.
I don’t care that it is already January and that this post will in fact reflect that. It’s my blog and since it’s my blog, I’m going to take the liberty to stay in 2003 for just a little while longer to reflect on some things that feel important to me even if they may seem trivial to others.
First, of course, is shopping. One of my favorite topics and lately an activity fraught with angst and worry for me. In my old life, the life I enjoyed in early November when I had a job that I really didn’t like so well but that paid all the bills, I loved to shop. Shopshopshop. Especially for very fine shoes and very fine clothing items. Oh the joy I experienced when I found the perfect pair of shoes or that sexiest black dress.
Last Sunday, I went shopping. Before I even went I was filled with slight trepidation as I know the current status of our bank account and am well aware that we are both currently job seekers (as Billy would say) and the money is not exactly rolling in to replace the money that is rolling out for daily living expenses here in Santa Cruz. However, Matt and Lisa were going to hit the post-holiday sales and since this included a trip to Santana Row among other places I joined in for the fun.
The Universe was both helpful and hurtful that day. There was nothing to buy. Quite literally there was nothing even on sale. Well, that’s not entirely true. There were things on sale. Just nothing anyone who thinks clearly would actually want to purchase. That was until I entered Nordstroms in an effort to use their Ladies Room. Here’s where the Universe decided to truly test my resolve.
I managed to make my way past all the beautiful and amazing shoes that were quite literally making catcalls to me as I walked past trying my best to avoid them. Despite their “Hey Baby, look at me” incantations, I remained strong in my resolve not to touch them or ask the price, lest I be tempted to try one or two on just for kicks and then succumb to the feel of hand-tooled leather on my little feet and a thought that if I don’t get these perfect shoes right this very minute I might simply perish. Those of you who do not suffer as a shoe fetishist can not possibly relate, I’m sure. But I am talking to those of you who know exactly why Imelda Marcos had all those shoes in her many closets. I know that YOU completely understand.
It took all my strength, will and resolve to keep walking for the escalators and skip the shoe department. I’ll admit that once on the escalators I did contemplate running back down and throwing myself prostrate at the bottom of the Manalo Blahnik display (oh if you could have just seen the lovely pink paisley numbers) but as there were many gray-haired old ladies who followed me onto the escalator and knowing I would probably have trampled at least one as I elbowed my way back down, I refrained.
Phew. I thought I was safe.
Thought, that is, until I got off the escalator on the second floor and headed towards the Ladies Room.
The second floor of this particular Nordstrom is where all the designer clothing resides. I had left the designer shoes and delivered myself into the designer clothing racks. And they were having a sale. Sixty percent off on some of those one of a kind items if you could find your size. Racks and racks of lovelylovelylovely things were sitting there just taunting and teasing me.
I stopped. I looked. I couldn’t believe that the D&G jeans were only $99. There was the cutest pink wool suit by Moschino for just $249. A steal, really. And oh my, was that really a Roberto Cavelli dress? I will even admit that I took things off the rack and held them up to my body. Then I’d look at the price tag, shake my head that the discount was so grand and put it back on the rack. I have a closet over-flowing with designer clothes. I don’t even have a job. Those beautiful things would have to stay right where they were.
So I pushed my way through. I was on a mission. The Ladies Room called. And I was only fifteen feet away at this point. I could make it. I had willpower. Nothing could stop me.
Nothing that is, except a certain blush pink dress by Michael Kors.
The exact dress worn by Sarah Jessica Parker's character Carrie on an episode of Sex and the City this season. A dress so nearly perfect that when I saw it in just the preview for the show I exclaimed to Dave, “I’ve got to find that dress!” And Dave laughed and wondered aloud why I needed yet another fancy dress when I don’t wear half the ones already hanging in my closets.
There it was. Hanging by itself between me and the Ladies Room. And because I needed to be completely tormented, it was my size exactly.
I picked it up. It was only $398. Yes, only. I thought only when I picked it up. I thought only as I held it up to me and felt how absolutely perfect it was. I thought only as I felt the silk and noticed the details and the seams. I thought only as I carried it with me towards the cashier. I continued thinking only as I looked around at Michael Kors Spring collection that is predominantly pinks and yellows and oranges and thought to myself how cute some of those things would be, too. I thought only until I snapped out of it for goodness sake!
$398 is not in our budget right now. Not even close. So just as I was about to hand that perfect little party dress to the nice cashier lady at Nordstrom my bladder suddenly reminded me about the Ladies Room, I snapped back to reality and I quickly jumped out of line. The perfect little blush pink party dress was going back on the rack. I was going to the Ladies. Our bank account would remain intact. And that was that. Disaster narrowly averted, perfect pink dress left for another lucky size 8.
On Tuesday afternoon we were invited to the Fossgreen’s house for dinner. Don Fossgreen works for the company that used to employ both Dave and me. In other words, he’s a former co-worker and he’s a very lovely and kind and generous person. His wife, Veronique, is from France. She’s equally lovely and kind and generous. They have two sons, Alex and Paul. I learned a lot about Don and Veronique and their children during the course of that dinner. Things I had never known or even thought to ask while we were co-workers. Things that made me love him and his family even more.
The Fossgreen’s live in a very nice house in Scotts Valley. Dave and I learned that is was once just a shack and that they’ve done extensive remodeling projects over the years to make it what it is today. They claim they are still not finished. I guess that’s what happens when you buy a house. There’s always a project.
Their house is so comfortable and inviting. They’ve done a marvelous job of making it a real home. They’ve got a huge backyard where they’ve put in a patio and a hot tub. Dave and I were given a tour and learned all about how during renovations they first lived in a trailer (with two small boys) and then in the garage, splitting it right down the middle with all of their furniture!
We all helped make dinner together. Ratatouille, wild rice, salmon, bread with a garlic parsley butter (that was so good you wanted to lick it off your fingers) and salad with a wonderful lemon and garlic vinaigrette. All of that was served with the most delicious red wine that Don had chosen from his extensive cellar. And even though we were stuffed, we still managed to follow everything with a delightful cheese course. You can never have too much cheese!
It was at dinner that I learned that Alex, who is 14, is a huge Danny Elfman fan. I have to tell you that I was very impressed by this. How many 14 year olds do you know that even know whom Danny Elfman is? I shared with Alex my own love for Danny and the fact that I had met him once since he was once the boyfriend of a former boss of mine.
Actually, I was very impressed with both of Don’s kids because they are such unique and gregarious individuals and you can tell from talking with both of them that they have been nurtured to see the world with their own eyes and to make their own decisions. That will serve them well.
We ended the evening with a long discussion on movies, especially French ones, and books and a soak in the hot tub munching on cherries. It was a great evening and Dave and I are excited to return the invitation.
Our New Year’s Eve began with no plans. A few calls around to our friends proved that everyone else was otherwise engaged. Dave and I went downtown to see the annual New Years Eve First Night parade and then stopped by the steps of the Civic Center where our friend Max was performing with his improv troupe. We came home and were contemplating a hot tub and massage, but all the hot tub/massage places were closed for the evening. So then we figured we’d go get some sushi, see Peter Pan and then hit the clock tower to ring in the New Year with our fellow Santa Cruzans.
However, our friends Aaron and Aleks called and invited us to dinner at Takara (another sushi restaurant). Well, we wanted sushi, so why not? We decided we could go meet them for sushi, perhaps hit Heartwood afterwards (Heartwood is another hot tub place that was actually closing last night so it was free for everyone who wanted to come), and then still possibly hit the movie and the clock tower to ring in the new year.
Well that was the plan. But as 2003 taught both of us well, plans don’t always go as planned. Dinner was fun. Dan, a longtime friend of Aaron and Aleks was there with them and I always find him rather entertaining. He has recently done the Forum and even did EST long ago, so I had no shortage of things to talk about with him. He also has family in Philadelphia and insisted on calling them at 9:00 p.m. to wish them all a happy new year. Aaron and Aleks told us about the drive back and forth to Salt Lake City where they had gone for the holidays. And they talked about playing poker with Aleks’ family. Which shifted the conversation to cards.
Suddenly it was decided that we’d all go over to A&A’s house to play poker and soak in their hot tub. Off we all went. Poker was played. And played. And played some more. Since there were no poker chips in the house, we used Monopoly money. We played Texas Hold-Em until well after the delayed ball had dropped in Time’s Square (we flipped it on with ten seconds to spare). We never did get in the hot tub, but A&A promise we’ll soak when we return on Saturday night. They’re having us over for dinner and movies and maybe some games.
Today was spent dodging rain drops, saying good-bye to my electric blue umbrella which suffered a horrible death thanks to the wind accompanying all the rain, and in search of the perfect calendar(s) at our local bookshop that was having a huge sale. I didn’t find the perfect calendar(s), but we did meet Matt and Lisa and went to Lulu’s for coffee and pie and conversation. Conversation about our job searches and the possible move to either New York or LA. For those keeping score, New York is winning by a landslide, but San Francisco has now entered the competition. Dave has decided that he will get a job that supports us and spent much of today looking for one. One that means I don’t have to worry about the money situation (except when pink dresses scream my name and are 60% off and I think they’re only $398…I think then, I will have to worry about the money situation and figure out how such a perfect pink confection will be acquired). But he’s up for the challenge of helping to make my life not so challenging. I do believe he’s the best husband on the entire planet. At least for me.
So now, finally, it is 2004. A year when I will turn 40. A year when I have absolutely everything to look forward to because I have nothing holding me back and have finished looking backwards. A year when I can truly decide what it is that I want to be and go for it without any regrets. If 2003 was the year when I discovered my authenticity, I hope that 2004 will be the year that I grow into it and become even more empowered.
Dave and I are truly not sure what this year will hold. We both have high hopes and aspirations for lots of wonderful and amazing things. If even just one of those things happens this year, I will consider it a year well lived. And if none of them happen, I suppose that as long as I live each day with gratitude and grace and kindness towards all I know and and all I love, it will still be a year well lived.
Onward to 2004. 2003 may now rest in peace.
