nakedjen

Senseless War, Senseless Death

An American soldier died in Iraq today. I didn’t know him personally, but I know his cousin. She is one of my dearest friends. I have been against this war and occupation since before it began, but I have maintained my support for our troops that are there because I admire anyone who is willing to risk his or her own life for the protection of our democratic freedoms that I hold so dear.

My biggest problem with our presence in Iraq is that I don’t actually see our invasion or occupation there as a protection of anything I hold dear as an American. I strongly and wholeheartedly believe in America’s traditions of democracy, justice and freedom. I do not see, however, how the blood of American troops and the blood of Iraqis for oil defends in any way America’s democracy, justice or freedom.

The dollar and cents cost of this war is already approaching two hundred billion dollars. But what is and will be the cost of the loss of our brothers and sisters and fathers and mothers and cousins and aunts and uncles? Does anyone stop to think for one moment about the psychological damage and hurt we are doing to the family members who receive the news that their loved one has died in this war? In any war?

Not only is this war unconstitutional and an example of an extreme abuse of power by our President, but it is also against international law. This is the second Muslim nation we have invaded since 2001, nations where we have killed thousands of innocent citizens. If we are a moral and just nation and believe that every human life is of equal value, then these great mass murders in our name should shake us to our very core.

This is not a war on terrorism. We’ve been told some horrible lies. The war in Iraq is a war created to feed old Dubya’s overwhelming obsession with control of world oil supplies. As long as we continue to be dependent on rich oil reserves, our sons and daughters, our mothers and fathers, our sisters and brothers are simply not coming home.

Has anyone considered that the money we’ve spent bringing freedom and democracy to people that didn’t ask us to come and who do not want us to be there could have been used for research and development into clean and renewable energy sources that would alleviate our dependence on the Middle East? And not only could we have plowed money and resources into that, but we would have had a few billion left over to spread to every single congressional district to use for improved schools, health care programs and new job creation.

This war will be costing us far more than the life of one soldier who was the beloved cousin of my dear friend. It will be costing us far more than the lives of many soldiers who are only following the orders of our commander in chief. This war will be costing us for generations to come. I just can’t make sense of any of that and it makes me very angry and very, very sad.

Clearing A Path for Maui

It is naked Friday at our house, but instead of getting naked we're clearing out closets and emptying boxes that have been sitting packed away since god knows when. Tomorrow, at the crack of dawn on the Pacific Coast, we're having a garage sale. Everything Must Go!

This is all part of my larger plan to reduce us to one backpack each so that moving to Maui can happen without too much pain and agony about all the we have to leave behind. Even Clyde is selling things. He's added some leashes and bowls and bones to the pile.

And what a pile it is. Let's hope there are loads of other people out there who thinks it is all treasure.

And because it is Naked Friday, here's a new naked picture that was taken just last week.

P.S. I've just looked at my stats. Those of you googling Naked Mom must be wondering where you've landed. Just want to say welcome, you will find some Naked Mom photos here.

No Pink Platforms For Maui

So it’s no secret that NakedDave and I were thinking about a move to Maui, right? Clyde even got himself certified to go back in November. But since November, we’ve been dealing with this whole unemployment thing and have both been rather bogged down trying to figure out what our next step would be in our lives. NakedDave was very responsible and got a job nearly right away, a job that practically killed him. Seriously. He was looking rather pale and wan and because he’s NakedDave and doesn’t like to quit and is so ultra-responsible and caring and nice, he really struggled with the fact that he was working at a job that was sucking the life right out of his very thin body. We both worried about the money and how we would make ends meet, but eventually he really did decide that he just couldn’t hack it so he left.

Meanwhile, I had enrolled in school, but subconsciously was too frightened of not being the perfect student to actually open up my books and start learning all the things I definitely do not know and must learn if I’m ever going to be a holistic healer that actually is able to help people heal. For months the books sat in their box, unopened even. When I finally opened the box and looked at all the books, well more inertia set in and it felt like I would forever tell folks who asked that I was planning on becoming a holistic healer, but hadn’t really started “school” yet. In other words, I was spending my days doing god only knows what in order to avoid actually opening a book.

All that changed when NakedDave took the plunge and quit his job that was sucking the life right out of him. He was determined to write and work on his screenplays and he invited me to join him in a café to study. Which I did. And that broke the proverbial ice and while I cannot say that I’m this study machine, I’m now at least paying attention and reading my books and taking notes. In fact, I’ve given myself a deadline because I realized that I’m shite without a deadline. So I’ve told myself that by the time I go to the Oregon Country Fair in July, I will be finished with all 42 modules and ready to take on the FINAL EXAM. And now I’ve told all of you, which means I really should do this if I don’t want to lose face and have all of you think I’m just full of hot air.

Speaking of hot air, remember how we were maybe going to move to Maui? Well today NakedDave got an email about United Vacations in Maui. How they were on sale until June 10. And he asked me to do some comparison-shopping and see if I could figure out if it really would be cheaper to do a United Vacation or use our miles or a combination. He wants to go to the Big Island because his dad is moving there in September so he reminded me to consider that in all my comparisons.

Bad idea to ask me to look into Maui vacations. Because after learning that United wanted to charge us over $1500 just for five days, I knew that I could do it cheaper. And then, well, it was only a matter of time before I found myself in the Maui classifieds looking at rental properties. Monthly rental properties. The kind of rental properties people rent when they LIVE in Maui, not just visit.

I found many lovely properties. That are half of what we currently pay to live in Santa Cruz. And are in my favorite neighborhood on Maui. I even found three or four jobs that I could apply for. I was giddy with excitement, but knew that NakedDave would squash that when he came home with an “it’s not a good time to move to Maui…” or something like that. NakedDave is far more practical than his naked wife.

So then I left the house and headed to the farmers’ market. But when I got there, I realized we didn’t really need anything that the farmers were selling. Our refrigerator is currently stuffed to the gills with fresh vegetables and fruit thanks to the south beach diet that doesn’t seem to be working, by the way. I need to go get my thyroid checked, but have to wait for my Medicare insurance to be reinstated and well, it sure is taking a long time and I even called about it today and was told it was sitting in the payment center (WTF?) and they weren’t sure what was taking so long. Anyway, I went to the farmers’ market and decided we didn’t need any organic vegetables this week and then I wandered around downtown for a bit because it was such a lovely day.

I found myself in our only decent shoe store downtown and was eyeing some very cool pink platforms. Very, very cool. But as I was trying them on (my foot is always the floor sample size), I suddenly thought to myself, “I’d never wear these in Maui!” It was like a light bulb went off in my head. I really want to go to Maui. I want to move there. I want to live there and wear my sarong and bikini all day long with flip-flops. I want to swim in the ocean every day. And I don’t even really care what my job is there as long as it pays the rent. I mean, I’d love to teach horseback riding or theatre arts to kids (both jobs I found today in the paper), but honestly, I’ll even just clean condos between vacation guests. I just want to move to Maui and live a life where I don’t even have to think about pink platforms because they’d be so out of place.

So NakedDave was at home when I got home from my little sojourn downtown. And I mentioned to him that I had investigated trips to Maui and how expensive United Vacations was and how we could actually get a rental property for $950 a month in Maui Meadows. And of course, NakedDave asked me why we would want a rental property in Maui Meadows for a whole month when I already said that leaving Clyde in Santa Cruz for two weeks was too long. It was then that I told him that we weren’t leaving Clyde. Clyde was coming to Maui because we were moving there and did he want to join us?

The funny thing is, I think he does. Which totally surprised me. I think we need to continue this conversation, don’t you?

Stay tuned. Forwarding address to come.

P.S. Props to Don F. for his hilarious “live” rendition of my blog. If you know Don, ask him to act it out for you. He nailed it.

Pictures for a Thousand Words

Words are coming. For now, pictures. Happy Sunday.

Driving to Fresno

I have loads to write to about, but it's not going to happen tonight. Tonight I have to go to bed because we have to get up at some ungodly hour tomorrow so we can drive to Fresno for NakedDave's sister's graduation from college. NakedDave and I did not attend our OWN graduations, but I did attend both of my sisters' graduations and NakedDave knows this is important to his sister, so tomorrow we'll get in the car at an ungodly hour (did I say that already, it truly is ungodly) and drive to Fresno for her graduation. It's been a long time coming, so I'm happy for her. This was not an easy accomplishment.

But I do have other things besides getting up at ungodly hours to drive to Fresno for sister graduations that I want to write about. However, that will all have to wait until another day.

Because right now I have to go to bed. And no, I didn't get a call from those Super Millionaire folks. Damn ABC. I had such witty repartee to share with Regis, too. And come on people, a naked woman with pink hair winning $10,000,000 on your game show was surely something that Mouse organization could have used during sweeps. It's too bad I wasn't using a video phone when I placed the call.

Sigh. There is always next time.

I did say I was going to bed, right? I am. Right now. Night.

Who Wants To Be A Super Millionaire?

lovely lovelies. i need your major vibes. i have FINALLY qualified to be on SUPER MILLIONAIRE. i have wanted to be on that show for ever. i always can answer every question.

so i qualified, but now have to hope and pray that they call me to come to NYC tomorrow (TUESDAY).

so please send all your strongest vibes for a phone call that wakes my ass up and gets me out of bed.

i want to be on that show! the crazy pink-haired chick from santa cruz. come on regis....call me!

Silly Sunday

NakedDave had some film in his SLR camera (who knew we even still owned one?) that he finally got developed. We laughed out loud when we picked up the pictures today from Long's. So here are some pictures to give you a giggle.

I was a "Band-Aid" for halloween the year that Almost Famous came out. Can't even remember what year that was, but it was a while ago since the house where these pictures were taken was three houses ago.

For the curious, yes, that is my real hair. And those are my real clothes from my own closet. Sometimes I think I really am stuck in the early '70's.

Happy Sunday!

Only Time Will Tell

Last night was opening night for the Santa Cruz Film Festival. I was thinking that would be what I would write about in here today. The movie that I saw and the party that happened at the McPherson Art Center afterwards.

But the universe had other plans. Oh, I did go to the see the movie. It was called Greendale and was by Neil Young. It was basically one long music video shot like a home movie. Neil has written some new songs with an environmental bent and this movie incorporates those songs with very jerky and grainy hand held super 8 camera images. Neil directed. There’s a story in there somewhere, but I’m not so sure what the story really is supposed to be about other than that we’re all guilty of killing our planet.

The theatre was packed to capacity with all kind of Neil Young fans. I love Neil Young and was pleased to see him make an appearance. He got a standing ovation just for showing up. They hadn’t even rolled the film yet! Last night’s screening was also a benefit for the Bridge School. Neil and his wife started the school when their own son who suffered from multiple disabilities needed a school that had programs for him. Every year, Neil hosts a Bridge School benefit here in the Bay Area and gets amazing musicians to come and perform acoustic shows.

The party that followed at the McPherson Art Center was stymied by being a bit too Santa Cruz. By that I mean, it was rather unorganized and the Art Center isn’t really set up well for a party that includes a band playing at levels that would break your eardrums if you really sat and listened. So NakedDave and I didn’t last long at the party, but we did last long enough to bump into more than a few people we know, some of whom we’ve promised to call for lunch next week. I’ll have to try to keep my promise.

I almost didn’t even go to the movie, however, because while eating my dinner beforehand, I read this article in the U.S. News and World Report and it hit a cord deep, deep inside my very being.

For as long as I can remember my biggest fear in my life has not been that someone close to me will suddenly die or that I’ll have to give a speech and find myself naked on the stage or that the big one will hit California. No, my biggest fear is that I will lose my mind and become a bag lady on the streets pushing a shopping cart, talking to my imaginary friends, carrying around multitudes of plastic bags and begging for spare change.

It is my worst nightmare. I lie awake at night terrified that when all is said and done, a shopping cart and cardboard box will be my most prized possessions. Having just written about how I’m not particularly attached to “things and stuff”, it seems almost contradictory that I’m worried that one day all I’ll have to my name is a shopping cart. But then, I’m a woman of contradictions.

Jana’s story fascinated me. That someone who was once a performer on Broadway and had traveled the world as a war photographer could end up destitute and trapped in a mental institution…well it only fed my own personal fears. That could be me. I fear sometimes that I am just one very short step away from the same slippery slope that could also find me a psychotic inmate in a not so posh state mental ward.

I’ve shared these fears with NakedDave and while he tries to assuage them, I don’t think he truly understands their magnitude. These fears are what keep me awake at night. I have dreams where this has already happened, where I find myself in the padded room begging people to believe me that the multitudes of characters that I see really are there. I wake up screaming, shaking, unable to breathe from the constriction in my chest and the fear that has gripped me so tightly. This is not a happy place to be.

I want to banish this fear. I want to let go of it. I want to ensure that I will not be like Jana and that I will not become a prisoner to the demons in my head. But that isn’t so easy and as I said, this fear has been with me for as long as I can remember. It’s rooted deep, in a place I don’t like to visit often, in a place that doesn’t have a key.

Only time will tell.

A Message from the Past, Part Two

Wow. Thank you all so much for your heartfelt responses. Honestly, I am not one for saving things. I'm not really the sentimental type. I am actually rather famous for just packing what can fit in a small backpack and leaving everything else in my wake. Which pisses people off to no end as "someone" is left to dispose of everything that I have left behind. And NakedDave finds this behavior totally bizarre as it often means leaving behind things that I will ultimately have to replace.

I purge constantly. I am always giving things away. Which makes my marriage to NakedDave all the more interesting because he feels the need to keep every thing. Every Little Thing. Stuffed in boxes on which he scribbles IMPORTANT PAPERS and then piles on top of other boxes just like them in our closets or garage or where ever he can find a place to stash them.

Me? I shake my head and wonder how he can be bogged down by so much stuff and if we'll have to keep moving to larger and larger houses to accomodate it all?

So finding those boarding passes yesterday was kind of a "trip" for me. Especially since I couldn't recall taking either trip and I do tend to remember every little thing down to the last detail (my mind is so full, I think it's part of my reason for getting rid of the extraneous clutter around me).

I do understand why other people feel the need to hold on to things, especially things tied to happy memories. And I thank all of you for sharing your own personal take on the whys. Each of you had reasons as unique as you. I think that was especially lovely.

I tossed those boarding passes, by the way. Someday I will remember why I was there and why I went. Yesterday was just not the day.

Messages from the Past

I have a question?

When you quite unexpectedly come across boarding passes for a trip you took long ago that have been shoved in a book that you thought you might someday finish reading and you look at the boarding passes long and hard and can't even remember that you ever took the trip...how does that make you feel?

I found tickets for both a trip to London and a trip to Las Vegas today. The boarding passes were stuck in Infinite Jest. On page 495. I am determined to finish that book someday. They were from 1994. I don't even remember the trips or why I was there, but I have a sneaking suspicion that I was in Las Vegas to see the Grateful Dead and sell cookies.

London, not so sure. Might have been a wedding in Devon.

I'm wondering if there's some larger meaning here that I'm missing? If I sent those boarding passes to myself ten years ago so that today, I'd find them and clearly remember something. Something I'm obviously NOT remembering.

So, I really do want to know. When you find a "memory" tucked in a book or locked in a box or shoved under a mattress...what do you do and how do you feel?

Talk to me.