nakedjen

"Mr. Redford, would you like anything else today?"

Please pass the kleenex. No not just one. I think I need an entire case, thank you very much.

It happens every single year. I swear we could all set our watches by it if we really wanted to do so. Christmas comes. I sit in the movies all day. And then, and then....whammo. SICK. Like a dog. Well, not like my dog. Mr. Clydesdale is doing quite well these days, thank you very much, even though there's a lady in a very large SUV who at this very moment is calling the SPCA to report me and my cruelty to animals as she thinks Clyde is in too much pain to go on living and that I'm forcing him to continue breathing and don't I know better and she's an animal lover and I must be an animal hater and it was all I could do to cover Clyde's ears and accompany him back into the house and not SNEEZE my germy germs all over her face because well, I am an animal lover and a human being lover and I didn't want her to get sick despite the fact that she was on her cellphone at that very moment with the SPCA telling them all sorts of things about me.

Yes, I'm sick. In the head. Clogged. Can't hear. Sore throat from hell. Fever that won't break. Might be Max's fault, but somehow I doubt it. I don't think he was actually contagious when I saw him on Christmas eve although he had much of the same that I have now. But really, it's just the fact that it's the holidays. Time for me to get sick. And as dear sweet NakedIan will always tell me, "Jen, it's good for you to be sick every once in a while!"

So, I'll embrace the sickness. Think of it as GOOD. And down all my herbs and vitamins and formulas and crawl back under the covers and sleep until it all goes away. It will go away. Hopefully before next Thursday.

Why next Thursday?

Next Thursday, NakedDave and I are flying off to Hawaii for ten days. We're going to the Big Island and to Maui. Finally! I'm determined to look at all sorts of housing options while we're in Maui and figure out exactly how a certain NakedJen and NakedDave can ensure that next year's return address on our holiday card is a Maui one. That's my goal, at least.

When I return from Hawaii, I'm leaving straight away for the Sundance Film Festival in Utah. I'll be there asking movie stars what size t-shirt they'd like to purchase until February 1st. NakedDave was going to come with me to the Festival as he was chosen for one of their coveted volunteer positions as well, but he's being a VERY GENEROUS HUSBAND and is staying at home to make money so that we can continue to live in the style to which I, especially, have become very accustomed. I will say it for all of you. NakedDave rocks. He really and truly does. He's the screenwriter and yet he's allowing me to go to the festival because it has always been my WISH to be at the festival for my birthday and this year my WISH is finally coming true.

Next year, we'll plan things better and he will be there, as well. We never in a million years expected that we'd be chosen. But we were. And now I'm going. Yippee!

"Mr. Redford, would you like anything else today?"

P.S. I find it really FUNNY that someone ended up here today by searching for: Really Old Women Naked Only -- I wonder what they thought when they arrived? Was I old enough?

P.P.S I want to meet the person who searched for: Loved "eat sushi" "brain surgery" WTF? Honestly, what is that person really trying to find? I want to know! You landed here. If you come back, let me know.

Have a Holly Jolly Christmas

Dave said I could call this post "Season's Teasings" and it elicited the "ARGHH" response from me. For those of you who are curious, I just do not like the "Season's Greetings" tagline that is used so very frequently on holiday cards. My thought on this is that it's too wishy-washy. A bit too politically correct! This is a season of many holidays. Choose one. Or two. Or heck, choose seven. I don't care. But choose it and be proud and wish those whom you love and adore and even those whom you do not a Happy Christmas or a Merry Solstice or a Jolly Good Hanakah or even, gasp, just a good old Holiday. But for goodness sakes, don't hide behind "Season's Greetings!" That just feels so spineless to me.

Now all that said, it is the eve before Christmas. As you know that means at ChezNaked, it's the eve before lots of movie watching. We spend our holiday in the theatre as all good non-Christmas celebrating folks should. There are loads of excellent films being released on December 25 especially for our viewing pleasure. We've spent the last hour at ChezNaked on a conference call with our friends Matt and Lisa figuring out which movies will be seen when and when we'll be able to break for dog walking (Clyde will need to pee at some point tomorrow) and some dinner for us. Whether that dinner will be at LuLu Carpenter's or at a Thai restaurant has still yet to be determined, but there will be dinner. There will also be three movies. The Aviator, The Life Aquatic and Lemony Snicket. I think that's a pretty fair line-up for a Christmas day.

Now, I have convinced the dearest husband on the planet to come with me tomorrow morning and make dinner for those less fortunate than we. We'll be cooking food for the homeless hippies of Santa Cruz and serving it before we plunk our butts down in those comfy rocking chairs at the theatre and let the cinematic artistry carry us to other worlds.

Speaking of those less fortunate, I have some thoughts to share with all of you. No, you're not the less fortunate about which I speak. Not at all. I believe that if you're fortunate enough to be able to read NakedJen, then you probably have a computer and access to the internet and most likely a roof over your head and life treats you fairly well. The less fortunate about which I'm writing are those like the ones who will be attending the Christmas dinner tomorrow at noon. If you all remember, I served dinner to these same folks not too long ago on Thanksgiving. One of them was a man named Cat. Since that day, I keep running into Cat in various locations around town. And every time I'm within twenty feet of his vicinity, Cat yells and waves his arms and says, "Jennifer! Jennifer!" We always hug and he always tells me how very thankful he is for the meal I cooked for him on Thanksgiving and for the smile and friendship I gave him as I sat with him that day while he ate.

There are other people along our Pacific Avenue downtown that I also see on a fairly regular basis. Folks who are rather down on their luck. Folks who need some spare change or even just a smile. When I walk downtown and am in a hurry it would be quite easy to just pass these folks by and look the other way and not say hello. Sometimes, I know, you even want to do that with folks you really do know quite well. You're in a hurry, you haven't talked to them in a while, you feel awkward because you didn't return the phone call.

I'm here to tell you that it takes just a moment to say hello. It takes even less to offer a smile. And those hellos and those smiles will make a huge difference. There the random acts of kindness that can really make our world a much better place for each and every one of us.

The next time someone asks you for some spare change. Or happens to catch your eye. I encourage you not to turn the other way. I encourage you to give them a warm smile. Or even say hello. And if you're really feeling brave, stop and have a conversation. I promise you that it will touch you in ways you didn't even imagine.

Happiest Christmas to each and every one of you who celebrates it. And for those who don't, Happy Naked Friday...here's a little present for all of you.

An Additional Solstice Surprise

Those dreads that donned my head? Well, they were getting mighty dreadful. Itchy. Scratchy. Just not exactly what this girl wanted atop that lovely head of hers, know what I mean? As I lamented to Simone yesterday over lunch, "Perhaps white girls just shouldn't really have dreads." And the hair on Dave's head, as you all commented upon viewing his birthday photos, had also gotten rather long. Now we're not talking hippy long. Just long for Dave.

So what do two people do who have come up for air from all that carnal knowledge and who both feel like the solstice might be the perfect day for a brand new beginning?

They go to the mall. Yes, the mall. A place neither of them ever venture. And they find themselves at Master Cuts begging the cute little 20-somethings to please grab their clippers and do their magic. And only in Santa Cruz, at the mall, is the father of the boy in the chair next to NakedJen going to GASP and beg her not to cut her dreads. Also, only in Santa Cruz, would another very lovely old lady walk into the salon and start rubbing my head while I was still in the chair and tell me how absolutely BEAUTIFUL I was and how perfect my head was and how lovely I would be. You really do have to love Santa Cruz.

So, what exciting thing did you do for solstice? Huh?

Solstice Surprise

There was a solstice surprise for me today when I woke up.  Wrapped in very pretty silver paper with a BIG PURPLE BOW.  Can I just tell you all that I have the very best husband in the entire world?  I do.  I really and truly do.

A Boy in his Birthday Suit

Dave, who sometimes is referred to on this site as NakedDave, but who is very rarely publicly naked of his own volition, celebrated his 36th birthday two days ago on Wednesday.  This makes him, for the next month at least, just four years my junior instead of the usual five.  Since it was his birthday, he received many calls for loving friends and family all during the day wishing him the happiest of birthdays.  One of those calls came from Hawaii where his father is on an extended visit to the Big Island.  His father's wife, Sally, told Dave that her wish for him was that he do something for himself or for someone else that he had never done before.

On Wednesday evening we had a celebratory dinner party at a local restaurant with a group of Dave's closest friends.  I was perplexed that we drove to the restaurant as we live just a few blocks away, but Dave had insisted saying that it was cold outside and he had just showered.  Fair enough.  He was the birthday boy, I wasn't going to argue. 

After dinner ended we got back into the car to drive home, but instead of going home he drove us to West Cliff Drive.  I kept badgering him with questions about why we were going this way instead of that way and what on earth were we doing on West Cliff, but he just kept mum.   He parked across from the surfing memorial statue and then finally explained about Sally's wish for him.   

Then he explained that he had decided that what he would like to do is have me take some naked pictures of him for Naked Friday because it was something he could do for someone else (ME) and that he really had never done willingly before.

I squealed with delight as every NakedJen should when her husband says he WANTS TO GET NAKED FOR A PICTURE FOR HER BLOG and hopped out of the car.  It was FREEZING, but I kept assuring Dave that the adrenaline rush would soon take over and he wouldn't even notice.  Now, because he's Dave and he wanted to be sure that this would be an event forever memoralized, he also brought along blue spray paint for his body.   We got him naked, we got him sprayed, we have pictures for all of you!  Dave in his birthday suit!

I do believe that my dear sweet husband is starting off this year right, don't you?  My only regret is that for at least one of these pictures, I didn't strip down and hop in there with him.  Ahh...maybe for my birthday.  It's only a month away.

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

For two people who do not celebrate Christmas, ChezNaked is certainly beginning to look a lot like we do.  This year, for the first time in our relationship, we decided that we should perhaps get a tree.  But we didn't want a live tree.  Or a really big tree.  Or even a tree that felt particularly "Christmasy".  Dave and I recognize the Solstice, if we recognize any particular holiday during this season, but even with the Solstice, we've never done a yule log or any of the other traditions other than send out cards that actually say Happy Solstice on them.

We found a blue tinsel tree at Urban Outfitters of all places and brought it home and decorated it.  It is sitting just behind our couch and does add quite a bit of holiday cheer to our living room.

Of course, now that we've gone and gotten a tree, we are finding ourselves slipping down that slippery slope of holiday sweetness.  While we will never claim to be bakerinas, today we found ourselves building a gingerbread house together.  If you want to know the state of your relationship, gather lots of sugary candies into one place, add in heaps of frosting and see what transpires. 

In our case, the result is a rather schizophrenic house.  One side feels rather Hawaiian, the other rather Santa Cruz.  That's what happens when you have two oldest children working on a house building project together. 

Ladies and gentlemen, for your viewing and holiday pleasure...

Now, if we can just convince Santa that we really HAVE been very good.

To All The Men In Santa Cruz

Well, not all the men, exactly. 

It's one of those postcard perfect days in Santa Cruz.  A day when you're walking around town doing your errands and just marveling that you're lucky enough to live in a place like this where the sky is crystal blue and the weather is warm enough to wear shorts and a t-shirt in December. 

And while you're wandering around town and going to the lumber yard and to the post office and to the drug store and a few other places in between, you're just so happy to be outside breathing fresh air that you smile.

And get noticed.

To all those men in Santa Cruz today who told me I was looking good in my running shorts, here's a nod to you.  You did a very kind thing and you made me smile an even bigger smile.

And a special shout out to Carlos who informed me that five years is long enough to be married and that I should run away to Mexico with him.  Now that was an offer that was almost too good to refuse!

Naked Friday with Two EE's

That is dearest Wendee (with two ee's) who came to Santa Cruz last weekend and spent a large part of Saturday making me feel really special and 100% loved.  I can't really describe to all of you how I feel about her.  She's truly one of my very best friends in the whole world and I'm so thankful that we "found" one another. 

The internet brought us together and sometimes it feels like the internet keeps us together, but honestly, I think we both know that even without the internet we'd always know what the other was thinking and we'd always know when it was time to just be "there" wherever there happened to be.

Sisters just know.  Absolutely.  Even if they're not blood-related.  For that knowledge and love, I will always, always, be grateful.

Eve Ensler Has Body Issues and I Have Issues with Eve Ensler

i'm pissed at eve ensler. well, not pissed exactly, but well, yes, pissed. for those of you who don't know, she's a playwright. the one who wrote the vagina monologues. and now she's written a play all about body image. and i swear she's got lines in that play that were taken from my blog...or my own writing. and i know that's not possible, but it still pisses me off. and maybe i'm more just pissed at myself. because i'm a playwright. and i could have easily written a play about body image issues for women. hell, i write about it all the time to all of you. i could have easily done it. her play is just one very long monologue. lord knows i'm up to that task. but i didn't do it. instead i just write about all that stuff on my blog. but she did. and now she's on broadway doing it. of course, she is eve ensler. so she has that going for her. i mean, i'm just nakedjen. it's not like if i went to some broadway producer and said, "i've got this play about women's body issues..." that they were going to snap it up and say, "WE MUST DO THIS PLAY!" having her name associated with it gives it clout. of course, i suppose i could have gone to some male broadway producer and said, "i've got this play about women's body issues and i'm going to do it while sitting on the stage stark naked..."