nakedjen

I Send You Peace

i know that i've been ignoring this blog. i haven't been ignoring YOUR blogs, just my own. i've been really kind of depressed because of the london bombings. we all know i wanted to move there and work for innocent. i love that city. perhaps the most of all. it feels like HOME to me. and while all my dearest loved ones in that city are all okay, it just still shakes me that "my city" is being bombed. and terrorized. more so than when they hit washington, d.c. where i grew up. or nyc. which is a city i adore. but london? london holds all my dreams. and my heart. and yes, perhaps even my soul.

so i'm depressed. and wondering about my sheltered little life that i live here in paradise next to the sea. i protest at lockheed martin without even a nary worry that it's going to result in my arrest. i don't think twice about backpacks left sitting on chairs at lulu's for hours. i ride the bus with the hippies and the college kids and the latino farm workers and never once think it's going to blow up. i walk everywhere alone, at all hours, unafraid that i might be attacked or a car bomb will explode.

i am a very lucky girl. a blessed woman. but i also feel so very far away from what is important in this world.

i'm sending all my love and peace to the people of london, and all the other places in this world, where terrorism is a part of their daily lives. i know that the brits have stiff upper lips. but their hearts and souls are no different than mine.

here's to their heart and souls. may they be filled with love and peace.

I Love Him More Than I Want To Win

The Amazing Race is taking applications.  It's no secret around here that I want to be on this television show.  I've applied.  And applied.  And applied again.  Each time that I've applied I have applied with a different partner.  Hoping that perhaps by changing things up, showing that I'm versatile, those casting folks will think that I make good television.  So far, central casting has not called.  Not once.  The nerve of those people.  Do they not realize that DearSweetDave and I could really use that million dollars?  It's not like it would really help us to purchase a home in Santa Cruz (and how sad is that?) but it would certainly add to the bottom line at ChezNaked and we always are concerned with our bottom line.  Very concerned.

But it's not just about the money, of course.  I like to win.  I really really really like to win.  This is the upside of having Albert as my father.  As his dutiful daughter, A's were never good enough.  I had to get A+'s or I was, perhaps, not trying hard enough.  So I was always first.  Always the best.  In whatever I attempted, I was sure that I "won".  Somehow, I adopted this "must be the best" philosophy as my own (amazing how the heart and mind will do that) and now, well, now I really like to win.  At everything.  It's actually a really obnoxious trait.  It's one thing to be the best, it's completely another to always HAVE to be the best.

I asked DearSweetDave this morning if he'd like to apply with me to be on The Amazing Race.  Surprisingly, he and I have never applied together.  His first response was, "I think you should find another person."  I pushed him on this wondering how my husband, of all people, could possibly suggest that I find someone else?  Weren't we supposed to be a team?  Promising to support one another through good and bad?  Who else could be better than DearSweetDave to race with me around the globe?  Who??

"I'd rather go with you."

"Well, when I'm driving and you're screaming at me about why I've gone my way instead of whatever way you believe is a better way and I get totally fed up and stop the car and get out and tell you that I'm done and that you can just go.  Go on.  Go alone and finish the race by yourself.  That will make great television, but it won't be so good for us, will it?  We'll implode. You know I've actually considered doing this and we're not even on a television show!"

That little bit of information, that bit about actually considering doing that?  That was news.  I told him that I don't scream at him.  He reminded me that we've had numerous conversations about my need to know why on earth he's going the way he's going when the way I would go is obviously far superior...at least in my head.  He's right.  I do that.  But I try not to do that.  Sometimes, I just can't help myself.

"I don't believe we'll implode.  I do believe we'll be great television.  But I honestly believe that if we did this we'd come out on the other side much stronger."

"Or you will be driving, Jen, and I'll have my hands over my eyes because we know when you drive and have no idea where you're going and you try to navigate you're all over the road!  It's just stressful!" 

"I'm just really really good at solving puzzles.  And I'm really good at finding my way around strange places in this world.  And so are you.  We'd be so good at this, Dave.  And it's one million dollars!"

"If you really want to apply, we can apply.  But I'm just saying I think we'll implode and it won't be that good for us or our marriage."

The resignation in his voice made me know that we shouldn't do it.  As much as I wanted to do it, I knew that we shouldn't do it.  I love DearSweetDave.  I love him more than I want to win.  More than the possibility of one million dollars.  Much, much, so much more than that. 

He confided that he also is just not so fond of contests that involve races.  He likes to win.  But not in those stressful situations where he's racing against a clock.  Where he has to be underhanded and backstab folks in order to come in first.  It's just no fun for him.  And that is precisely why I married him.  Because he is honest, and straightforward, and good.  He likes to win, but he likes to win honestly.

Marriage is about compromise.  So I will not be racing around the globe with DearSweetDave.  I don't want us to implode.  Not on national television, not at all.  I still want to apply.  Now to find another partner.  Who wants to win?

P.S.  On the way back from Oregon, we stopped for a skinny dip in Lake Shasta.  NakedFriday on a Sunday for all of you NakedFriday fans.

Putting A Good Thing Out Into The Universe

Magical.  It was simply magical.  I have been told that I say this every single year, but honestly sweartogodandhopetodie, this was the best fair ever.  Absolutely ever.  In all of my seventeen years, this was the one that put the cherry on top of the big hot fudge sundae.  Or maybe it was the one that put the organic chocolate chips in the vegan Clyde's cookies.  It was just full of sweetness and goodness and everything grand. 

Some people cry at weddings.  I most definitely cry at the fair.  It never fails that the moment I walk through the Dragon Entrance and hear the music wafting from the Blue Moon Stage and see all my fine fairy folk swarming about on the paths, I burst into tears.  I get overwhelmed with happiness.  I just know that I have finally come home. 

There were magical and special moments at every turn at this fair.  I saw old friends.  I made new friends.  I sat naked (yes naked) at the Ritz with Andrew Weil and discussed herbs and organics and Dreamsweet and the state of health of our country.  It was such an amazing moment for me and he was really encouraging about the teas and the work that I’m doing.   

DearSweetDave and I met Maid Marian.  This beautiful goddess of a woman who is involved in Burning Man.  She was such a delightful soul and we felt such a heart connection with her.  We talked all about blogging, of all things.  And community.  And how the fair compared to Burning Man (as DearSweetDave and I have never even been!). 

We were able to stay in the fair after closing on Friday night and attend a talk by three wonderful and inspiring counter-culture revolutionaries.  One of them was Stephen Gaskin.  DearSweetDave had never heard him speak before and was really taken (and Stephen was taken with him).  Afterwards, they chatted and I got to gush to Stephen all about his wife, Ina May, and how her book had been the catalyst for my becoming a doula.  He was just completely lovely. 

We saw our old friends Martin and Erin and their adorable kids who have moved from Santa Cruz to Eugene.  It was all quite by accident, but so perfect.  And we connected with our dear friend, Rob, whom we see at the fair every single year and never seem to see anytime else even though he lives in San Francisco. 

I bought DearSweetDave a Utilikilt as an anniversary present and we both had a blast getting fitted.  Those boys in the Utilikilt booth are to be commended for encouraging me to get naked, all the way naked!  We hooked up with both of his sisters and our nephew Jadon off and on and spent time dancing to the music of old favorites and also checking out new bands, as well.  We took a nap in John’s tent on Saturday so we could avoid the sweep and then spent Saturday night checking out the various magical light shows and parts of the annual midnight show. 

I wandered the paths in glitter boots and my fairy wings that took the fair by storm (I had one fair goer tell me that she was going to jump me for my costume) and was even recognized as Nakedjen by a first time fair goer who had been told by my dear neighbor Kath to look for me.  She found me even though I was wearing clothes.

Perhaps my most magical moment came as I was wandering alone past one of the children’s play areas.   Suddenly this radiant child dressed head to toe in purple velvet came swooping towards me and grabbed onto my very full fairy skirt.  She beamed up at me with her large brown eyes and gasped, “You’re the very fairy I dreamed of!”  I quickly asked her what her wish was, but she told me I had already made it come true.  Seeing me, in the flesh, had proved to her that fairies were real.  It took everything I had not to burst into tears.  Children know.  Don’t ever doubt them when it comes to the authenticity of fairies. 

It was the first fair where I chose not to bare my breasts and go naked among the masses.  Imagine that?!  I actually felt kind of like a poser on Sunday as I opted to just wear jeans and a t-shirt (the horrors), but DearSweetDave insisted that I was still going to get noticed and I did get loads of compliments on my pink fuzzy hat.  Go figure.

And the food.  My goodness the food.  Perhaps my ONLY disappointment in the entire weekend was that the Tofu Palace, for whatever reason, decided to close up shop early on Sunday.   I had planned to eat my dinner there on Sunday night, but was sorely disappointed when I found that it was closed and the Tofu Tia was going to just have to be something of my dreams.  I consoled myself with Rising Moon Ravioli that absolutely NEVER disappoints and the closed Tofu Palace actually gave us another opportunity to share hugs and love with Maid Marian, so it was, as brother NakedIan would say, “All Good”. 

Honestly, it’s hard to convey in words just how special and “all good” the entire fair experience was.  I keep telling everyone that they really need to come to the fair to understand.   It’s just something that you have to experience for yourself.  I always tell folks that it’s my religion.  And quite frankly, this year was more like a religious experience than any other.  I was just in such ecstasy the entire time.  A big perma grin on my face.  Floating along, lighter than air.  My heart opened up wide.  Really, really, really wide. 

It's The Mostest Fun There Is!

fairy costumes - check
wings - check
pink hair - check
clyde's cookies - check (and i made them without wheat, no small feat!)
vitamins - check
glitter - oh yes, check

we're leaving in less than 8 hours. the fair is, once again, here. i can't believe it. i'm so very ready for the fair this year. i really need it.

i have to admit that while i was making the clyde's cookies this evening, i was also putting together all my vitamins for the weekend. and i was using CLYDE'S old vitamin container for my vitamins because mine finally just completely ate it. so i was standing there, the cookies were baking, i was putting vitamins in clyde's container and i must have gone through some sort of time warp or something because i SAW CLYDE sitting on the floor right where he always sat when i cooked clyde's cookies. and he was thumping his tail. that thump i heard quite distinctly.  and i turned to him and just as if he was really there, i said, "we'll be going to chuck and lynda's as soon as i get the vitamins sorted and finish cooking the cookies." and as soon as i said that out loud, i broke the spell. and he was gone and i realized i was just filling the vitamin container with MY vitamins...that we don't have clyde vitamins covering all our counters any more, that he wasn't there on the floor thumping his tail waiting to go to chuck and lynda's for the weekend. and i got very melancholy.

however, it all passed. and the cookies turned out perfectly. which makes me really believe that clyde actually was there. and maybe for the first time i actually could see him. who knows? i was just amazed that the cookies are even edible since i had to make them with no wheat and no sugar. i mean i have always made them with no refined sugar, but i was extra careful with these. and they passed the dearsweetdave test. he LOVES them. said they're as good as the "regular" ones. so now we have clyde's cookies that are vegan, organic, and wheat and gluten free. i should sell them at the fair! actually, i made about 4 dozen so we can share them with everyone in the campground. it's always fun to invite folks over to our "party" tent and have them hang out and sing songs and share our cookies. and we don't tell them that they're vegan and organic unless someone asks. no need to make them think they're going to eat cardboard.

props must go to our dear friend jesse for getting our car in tip top shape. the man is a miracle worker. we're very good to go for the ride to oregon. we'll be picking up our car in the morning at his shop in concord. we've had jesse and tori's car all week, but it hasn't left the spot where they parked it. we haven't driven it once. but tomorrow we'll drive it up to concord and swap cars and then we'll be on our way.

obviously, i am NOT taking the computer with me to the fair. the fair and computers just do not really mix.  so i'll see all of you when i get back next week. i honestly used to keep the fair a secret and not tell anyone about it because i was kind of selfish and didn't want it to "get too big". but quite honestly, i wish all of you were coming with me. oh what fun that would be! really, i'm ready to just tell everyone. it's the mostest fun there is.

The Dolphin Wins!

So I am sitting at Lulu Carpenter's at 9:43 on the Tuesday evening after the 4th of July with DearSweetDave.  We're here to write.  He is writing his screenplay.  I'm actually working on another new venture which involves travel.  Ha.  We all know how much I love to travel. 

So I fire up my cute little laptop and browse to Salon where I find that a new species of dolphin has been discovered in Australia.  But before I continue about that, I must first tell you that DearSweetDave informed me, when we sat down at Lulu's, that he had lost at FreeCell earlier this evening.  He lamented that he had won 19 straight games and then, surprising even himself, he lost game number 20.  Of course he wondered if he had resisted and not played that 20th game this evening if his streak would still be in tact.  Well, duh.  Of course it would.  He seemed quite distraught by this and I asked him if he wanted me to alert the media (you, the readers of my blog). 

Now back to the dolphin.  Salon linked me to an article that announced that there was, indeed, a new species of dolphin that had been discovered in Australia.  I am a big fan of dolphins and we all remember that I was touched by one while swimming in Hawaii in January and now, well, because I am me, I think of them as my brothers in the sea.  A bond was formed.  I am kind of gaga over dolphins these days.  This doesn't mean I have dolphin paraphernalia scattered about my house.  But I do feel a kinship with them.  I am intrigued that there's a new species among them.

While I'm sitting here trying to relish this new bit of information, my DearSweetDave turns to me and says, "You know dolphins are supposed to be smart and everything, but I bet a dolphin couldn't win 19 games of FreeCell in a row." 

And then he wanted to know who was the bigger fool.  The person who makes foolish statements about dolphins and FreeCell or the person who blogs about them.

Fellow bloggers, I'll let you decide.

Five Levels Short of Zen

Before you get your knickers all in a twist, yes, I know that it's an OLD naked photo.  But it's not one you all have ever seen before.  And I'm in the process of coloring my hair that exact color (with DearSweetDave's blessing!) so the next current naked picture you see of me (and there will be at least one, I can promise) I'll at least have hair that color!  So we can consider this kind of a preview.

Now, on to other matters. 

According to DearSweetDave, my humour level has only reached a level 5.  I suppose I should explain.  Dave has a rather interesting sense of humour.  At least to me.  When we first met, he informed me last night, I was at a level 1.  According to Dave, I'm supposed to be shooting for a level 10.  Somehow, I don't think I'm ever going to attain this and I certainly wasn't going to attain it when I had no idea that I was supposed to be heading in that direction.  Don't all of you think it would have been far easier for me to step up this humour ladder of Dave's if I had been told that I had rungs to attain?  I'm little miss over-achiever.  I like to get all A+.  If Dave had just told me that there was a 10 to be had, why I would have been working to get the 10!  But instead, he has been casually working behind the scenes.  Grooming me.  Pushing me gently along.  All without my knowledge.  That was until last night.  When he mentioned to me that I was at level 5.  But that I was a long way from level 10. 

So back to level 1.  When I met Dave, I supposedly was at level 1.  This meant that I not only didn't notice that he was trying to be funny, but usually even went so far as to correct his attempt at a "joke" as if he were being serious.  In other words, his attempt at being droll went right over my head. 

Eventually, I moved on to level 2.  When I reached level 2, I would start to correct him, but then realize as I did so that it was a joke, so caught myself and say, "oh that was a joke!" 

When I reached level 3, I would realize it was a joke, and then say, "Ha Ha Ha!" with lots of sarcasm.  This is Dave's least favorite level and always will be.

I then, dear readers, moved on to level 4.  Level 4 was when I would realize Dave was making one of his silly jokes and give him the very dramatic only Nakedjen can do it dramatic roll of the eyes.  (According to DearSweetDave, I am still a Level 4 at least half the time, but he said last night I am a Level 5 and being the over-achiever that I am, I am not going BACK!).

Supposedly, I am now at level 5.  Level 5 is where I give it no response at all and just let it slide.  Ho Hum. 

When I reach level 6, I will chuckle in spite of how stupid I really thought Dave's little joke was.

At level 7, I will actually play along with the joke.  This means that even though I think it is stupid, I will act as if it is the most intelligent thing ever uttered from my DearSweetDave's lips.   

And then there's level 8.  At level 8, I will have somehow found a way to respond to his jokes in kind and say something on the same level of stupidity.  At that point I will have certainly have had a lobotomy!  How else can I reach this level??

Now I am told that level 9 is the real cross-over.  Of course this is a really high achievement.  I not only will respond to DearSweetDave's joke in kind saying additional stupid things like he said, in addition, I will no longer even think that they're stupid but really and truly believe that they're funny!  Lord help us all!

And then, I reach level 10.  Zen Master of Dave Humour.    If I ever achieve this level not only will I respond in kind to DearSweetDave's stupid jokes (thereby adding to the joke), not only will I THINK that it's funny, but my response will be even funnier than the original joke. 

To date, only our friend Scott has achieved a level 10 in Dave's book. (There are rumours that there's a guy in England that is actually an 11, but these are unsubstantiated). Not only does Scott respond to Dave's humour, he manages to one-up him in ways that cause Dave to bow down before him! 

I told DearSweetDave we can just skip right to Level 10.  He should be bowing down before me anyway.