nakedjen

Littermates, Ha!!

Dear Buddha and Stella,

This was the Thanksgiving where I gave multiple thanks to the Universe and whomever else was even remotely responsible for bringing you two lovely puppies into my life.  I did this while kneeling at the Altar of Clyde even though I now know, as it has been very much confirmed, that Clyde really is Buddha and Buddha is Clyde.  Still, Clyde has his Altar of Clyde and Stella, I don't want you to be sad that you don't have your OWN altar.  I know that you want one.  You've made that perfectly clear by chewing on the corner of the Altar of Clyde and taking the famous shoe off of it and prancing around the house like you've just won the DOGSHOELOTTERY! 

But you know that whole part in the bible that talks about not making false gods and all of that?  Consider it a good thing that you don't have an Altar.  I mean, what if the goddess of the Universe found out?  She might smote you or something.  And we certainly don't want any smote Stellas around here.  We're vegetarians, remember?  Though dog might just be a delicacy in some parts of this great world of ours, here at ChezNaked, we prefer our dogs living.

Which brings me to my second point.  The Altar of Clyde was created when Clydesdale departed this earth for parts unknown.  I had no idea that he was actually going to come back even though he promised me that he would.  I suppose I should have believed, just like all those kids who are currently hopping on Santa's lap in malls across America with wish lists a mile long.  And trust me, if you tell me when you're about to leave this planet which will be 30 years from now, at least, because of all that delicious organic food you're eating, I will believe you.  Absolutely.  And I will also make you an Altar.  Because you are, as we know, a dog that deserves worship in all kinds of ways.

And let's face it, Stella, you are already worshiped and adored.  Not just by us, but by everyone who meets you.  You are the darling of the dog park.  All the boys just love you, and all the girls think you're the baddest feminist puppy in the land.  They see you coming and bow to your bad ass self.  It's all Buddha can do to have any one of the dogs at the park even say hello.  Oh no, darling Stella, it's all about you.  And we know that is just how you like it and want it to stay.

Of course you are Buddha's sister, you know?  You could be a kind family member and share the limelight with him every once in a while.  But as I know you have a mind of your own, far be it from me to suggest that you share some of the glory with your brother.

You both have had quite the adventurous last month, haven't you?  Stella you got to have your very own visit to the emergency hospital and even have your stomach pumped!  I know you just ate those toxic substances on the beach to find out exactly how much I really loved you.  I just know it.  I just wish you hadn't come home and bragged so much to Buddha about all the attention that you got because he had already had his own visit to the hospital where he got very special pictures of his insides taken.  Now he certainly feels that we don't love him as much as you because he didn't get to spend the night in the fancy "hotel" or have all those special nurses fawning all over him. 

You both graduated from puppy training school this month and no one was more impressed than I was at how well you learned to sit and stay and heel and leave it.  Of course, you don't remember how to leave it if it smells like a rotting gopher, so I think we all need to go to remedial school and learn all about that again.  By the way, since we're vegetarians, as I keep pointing out, perhaps you should know that gophers are not vegetables!

Everyone at the dog park wants to know what I am feeding you because not only are you getting bigger every day between the morning dog park visit and the afternoon one, but you do, by far, have the shiniest and silkiest coats of all the dogs there.  The other dogs are jealous of those black coats of yours, so please make sure that you don't take them off and leave them unattended when you're out at the bars or the cafe.  Another dog is surely going to swipe them!

Speaking of the cafe, you've both joined the cafe society and most definitely know how to order your lattes and liver biscotti when you go to Kelly's with me in the morning.  I'm very proud of the way you sit at the table and mind your manners even when all the other dogs around you are yapping away about complete nonsense.  Not you.  You're both sitting there practicing your French and sipping your coffee and taking small, polite bites of your biscotti.  Oh what great puppies you are!

You are, really, very good puppies.  Buddha gets a shout out for the evening he managed to not be in his crate for five hours and yet also did absolutely NO DAMAGE to the house.  I know this drove you bonkers, Stella.  I know it was particularly hard for you to have him free when you were not.  And I also know that it is because he was here before that he knew to behave.  Since you're so brand new to this whole dog thing, well, we also know that had you been the one out of your crate all my bras would have been restyled so the nipples poked through and my underwear would all be crotchless.  And while those undergarments do have their place, even in my wardrobe, I'm not certain that every single bra and pantie need to fit that bill.

Both of you, actually, are so much more mellow now and it's a joy for me to have you wander about the house with me all day while I am working.  I love that you sleep on my feet.  I love that you curl up and snuggle.  I love that you are still so much a brother and sister that you fight over toys and create games for yourselves if no one else is around to play with you. 

You are my joy.  You are my loves.  I can't wait to see what the next month brings.

Love,

NakedJenDogMama

P.S. Thanks for getting that whole POOP and PEE thing figured out.  It really is so much nicer when you go outside, isn't it?

For All Of This, I Am Thankful

I am thankful for my very good health.
I am thankful for DearSweetDave and all that he brings into my life.
I am thankful for Buddha and Stella.  They fill my soul with love and goodness.
I am thankful for my BFF's.  They know who they are and how much they mean to me.
I am thankful for the abundance of organic foods that are available to me every day.
I am thankful for fresh clean water.
I am thankful for prosperity that keeps a lovely roof over our heads.
I am thankful for all those who are working for world peace.
I am thankful for herbs, their medicinal properties and every thing that they teach me.
I am thankful for my family.
I am thankful for good friends and the blessings they bring into my life every day.

I am thankful.

All About NakedJen

thank you, internet.  wow.  you are truly full of wonderful and caring friends.  i am blessed beyond belief and humbled, too, at the outpouring of love and care that has been shown here at nakedjen over the last few days. 

i am okay.  actually, we are okay.  sometimes, putting something like that out into the universe really helps to bring clarity to a situation.  dave and i are both writers.  and because of that, we're often better at communicating through our writing.  he read what i wrote here on my blog and all your thoughtful comments and realized just how deeply what he was saying was hurting me.  and so he wrote me back. 

i know it sounds rather ineffective.  but in reality, writing does seems to work for us.  because we're really able to put our words on paper much better than we're able to put them face to face.  it's not that we can't talk, but emotions run very high between the two of us and we're both such care takers that what really needs to be communicated gets lost in our efforts NOT to hurt the other person.  but confusion does ensue and that ends of making hurts that are a whole lot worse.

we're certainly not out of the woods, but we do have a plan.  a plan that includes radical honesty.  which means that we'll both be working very hard to say exactly what we think and feel when we think and feel it no matter what. 

and yes, dear internet, i most certainly DO NEED my friends.  because they help to keep me sane.  and some how i can communicate with them in ways that are not possible with dave.  it's all a growing process.  really.  this is just another stumbling block along our path together.

i love every single one of you.  thank you for reaching out.  i sought therapy of a nakedjen kind on friday and spent the whole day taking care of me.  acupuncture.  then a facial.  and then a lovely evening with dearsweetdave.

who really is dear.  and sweet.  and the one i still very much love the most.

I Love Him Best, More Than All The Rest

before i even start writing this post, i think i have to do some disclaimers:

a. i love dave. dearly. absolutely. best.
b. i'm not looking to husband bash
c. i'm always very honest in my blog and really need to get this out, so i'm sharing

all that said, it's been a really rough 36 hours at chez naked. and i hesitated even writing about it here in my blog. but this is my blog. and if i'm not going to write about it here, where am i going to write about it?

every four months or so, dave comes to me and says that he feels like our marriage has no passion or excitement. what he's really looking for he can't quite even describe. but he feels like he wants that same "thrill" that he felt when we first met. i think you all can relate to that feeling. when a relationship is brand new and your heart just skips ten beats every time you even get a glance or an email or a breathy sigh from the other person? he wants that. every day. 24/7.

i've told him that i don't feel this is realistic. but he feels that it is. that it is possible to sustain those feelings in a relationship no matter how long it lasts. so while in los angeles, when he realized that he wasn't quite what he thought he was in terms of screenwriting, he also started feeling like we weren't quite what he thought we were. or maybe it was even before los angeles, but i believe his trip to los angeles provided the catalyst for these feelings this time.

he says that he loves me dearly. but he doesn't know that we're "right" for each other. the right fit. the right couple. he feels that we're companions more than lovers.

we are great companions. we are the best of friends. but i also believe that we're good lovers. we are quite compatible sexually. and just so it's all out, last year we went to a sex therapist because he thought that was perhaps the "issue", but we worked on it and he realized that it wasn't really the issue.

the issue, as i see it, is really his. in his head. and quite frankly, i believe he is being unrealistic. but why is he holding on to this unrealistic expectation so tightly? and why is he willing to risk our marriage over it?

i have no idea. honestly, even he can't answer that question.

i've told him that he has to figure this out. that i can't do it for him. that i love him best and that i am his wife and if he needs me to participate in the road to figuring it out, i will do that. but i'm not leading the way. because if i do that, he's not taking charge and figuring things out for himself. and he must do that if we're ever going to solve this and get past it once and for all.

meanwhile, because i am who i am, i'm absolutely gutted by all of this. especially when he told me he spent the drive from los angeles figuring out how to keep me and the dogs in this house while he moved somewhere else. he was already making contingency plans. and also because i am me and i don't do well with being HURT, i also immediately started figuring out yesterday where i was going and what i was taking. which hurts so much. i hate packing.  i hate leaving.  i hate messy endings!

honestly, i don't want to go anywhere. i love dave, best. as i've said, over and over. i was never going to get married at all. when i married him it was because i knew that he was THE ONE. there is no other person i want to be with in the entire universe but him.

and he has admitted that he does not believe he would find this passion and excitement with anyone else. he really loves me. and he says he wants this to work. but he feels so depressed that he doesn't know if he can. or if it can.

it's so frustrating. and sad. and i have spent every ten minutes feeling like i'm going to throw up. or worse.

so there you have it. honestly, i have no idea what will happen. i know that i may be naive by saying that he has to figure this out, but really, he does. this is about him. it really isn't even about me. but it's enough about him that it is really affecting our marriage. and that just sucks.

so of course i have my own contingency plan. because you just don't know what tomorrow holds. i'm hopeful that we'll get through this. deep down we really love one another. it would be really sad if that love can not see us through.

Soulmates

buddha nose
Originally uploaded by nakedjen.

He is Buddha, but as I felt so deeply in my soul, he is Clyde. Returned to me. Some souls simply stay together. Especially when they've still got some of life's lessons to work out.

Clyde and I weren't finished with the things we needed to learn from another. I asked the Universe and, more importantly, him to come back to me.

He has.

His name is Buddha, he's got a whole new dog body and life, but he's most definitely Clyde.

Thank you, Universe. My soul's complete.

Jurist Promo Lottery

Curiouser and Curiouser.  These email scams certainly create their own kinds of mystery and drama, no?

I just received the following email:

Good morning,

 

have just found your web site - would you please contact me?

I have received a similar letter from Jurist Promo Lotto. Due to language problems I dont know what to do.

 

Best regards

Martina Einwang

These poor people.  Don't they realize that they're not going to win millions of dollars from a lottery in which they never even purchased a ticket?  I wish life worked that way.  I wish that fairy dogfathers just took it upon themselves to deposit multimillions of dollars upon unsuspecting people and that they did it by sending them an email telling them they had won.

But life is just not like that.  Yet. 

In other news, Stella and Buddha have their first audience with the pet psychic today.  Maybe we'll find out not only what Stella and Buddha think of me and DearSweetDave, but what ClydeFairy thinks about all of it, too. 

Stay tuned.

Stella Got Her Groove Back

Stella is home.  And okay.  With an admonition from the good doctors at the emergency vet that they don't want to see her there again any time soon no matter how cute and adorable she is.  Phew.  Thank you, ClydeFairy, for those millions of quarters.  I now completely understand why you sent them.  Puppies are expensive.

Meanwhile, it seems I have won the lottery.  Who knew??

FROM: THE DESK OF THE PROMOTIONS MANAGER,
JURIST LOTTO PROMO LOTTERY, UNITED KINGDOM.PRIZE AWARD
DEPARTMENT WHITE HART LANE,
LONDON N17 8HR, UNITED KINGDOM.

BATCH NO: 57214/6723/1
Date: 08/11/20005

Dear Winner,

This is to inform you on the release of the Australian Lottery Program held  05/11/2005   Among the 129 participating finalist playing 6000 full tickets in the fifth series, from a pool of US$9.000.000.00 (Nine million US Dollars) in cash, your name attached to ticket number 525—11464992—750 with Serial number 760112-05 drew the lucky numbers 09-14-23-24-31-41, which consequently won the lottery prize in that category. You have therefore been approved for a lump sum payout of US$2.7m (Two million seven hundred
thousand US dollars) in cash credited to ref no: AGB/9800/145701/02 .

Remember that the validity of the prizes is one months after the draw
date. Your fund is now deposited with a financial institution in London  they are responsible for handling and remittance of won prizes. All participants were selected through a computer ballot system drawn from 25,000 names from Asia, Australia, New Zealand, Europe and North America as part of our international promotions program, which we conduct once every year. We hope that with a part of your prize, you will take part in our biggest promotion (The Big) over US$50 million dollars is at stake to be won.  For more details go to www.lottery24seven.com.

In order to avoid unnecessary delays and complications, please remember to quote your reference and batch numbers in every correspondence.
Furthermore, should there be any changes in your details, do inform us as soon as possible. Congratulations from all members of staff and thank you for being a part of our promotions program.

To begin your claim, please contact our
Director,Claims/Remittance Department:

Mr. Thomas Pipilas,
Director,Claims/Remittance Department,
JURIST LOTTO PROMO LOTTERY,
LONDON,UNITED KINGDOM.
Email: thomaspipilas@ny.com
He will process and ensure the release of your won
prize Money.

Congratulations once again!

Yours truly,

Kate Smith. (Mrs)
The Promotions Manager, JURIST LOTTO
PROMO LOTTERY,LONDON,UNITED KINGDOM.

Get Well Stella Blue

We've just returned from the emergency vet.  It's 10:22 p.m. and Stella Blue is in the hospital.  We ended up there because I came home from watching Gilmore Girls with Gail and went to let the dogs out of their crates so they could go to the bathroom and then hang out with me while I folded the laundry. 

Buddha bounded out of his cage as usual.  Stella slowly walked out of hers, stretching the way she does the entire way to the back yard.  But when she got to the porch, she just sat down.  And started trembling.  Her eyes were glassy and she looked as if she might have a seizure.  I'm a seizure patient, so I know. 

I called to Dave who agreed with me that she just didn't look "right".  And when she really wouldn't or couldn't stand up, it was off to the emergency vet for her.

We took Buddha with us since I can never be sure that one puppy may have ingested the other didn't as well.  Dave called them as we were en route to let them know that we were coming.  And fortunately, it wasn't a busy night.  Because we were met at the door by a vet technician who whisked Stella away to be seen by the doctor.

The doctor on duty tonight happens to be one of my very favorite.  In all of Santa Cruz.  He's just a GEM of a vet.  I wish he could be our vet all the time, but he's an emergency vet and so we only see him in times of emergency.  But wow.  He's just awesome. 

He agreed immediately that something was not right with Stella, but that she was otherwise a very healthy puppy.  He made her regurgitate the contents of her stomach.  Which proved to be QUITE SANDY and caused him to suspect that she ate something she should not have eaten while we were at the beach this afternoon.

He did give Buddha the once over and said he was fine.  Phew.  But Stella had to stay.  She's getting blood work done, some IV fluids, she's going to eat activated charcoal and basically have her entire system flushed.  The blood work will determine if there is something even MORE to be concerned about, but Dr. Robison is quite optimistic that she'll be okay.

And so it begins.  Well, really, last week it began with the eating of the possible lead paint.  But yeah, it has really begun. 

I just really hope that this is not a regular thing.  So I'm going to have a little talk with ClydeFairy about that.  Because really, these puppies need to just be happy healthy go lucky dogs.  This emergency vet business is very stressful!

If you have a few good thoughts to spare, could you send them Stella's way.  Yes, I know she's a dog.  But she's a very special little puppy.  And I know she'll really put them to good use.

P.S.  I'm quite thankful for OPERATION INDIVIDUALITY.  Buddha is not at all "freaked out" that Stella isn't here.  Of course, he cares.  He's her brother.  But he's not whining and searching the house wondering where she is.  Those separate walks and training are working!

Millions Even!

I must thank ClydeFairy for sending me these fabulous puppies.  They're still making my heart skip more lightly and bringing joy to every day...even the days when they believe that the moulding makes a good chew toy and I freak out and send DearSweetDave off to the vet with them to be certain that they haven't ingested any lead paint.  Yes, even on those days.

I also need to give a proper shout out to ClydeFairy today for sending me MORE surprise money.  It's uncanny how very good this dog is getting at this.  On Tuesday night I went with Gail and bought a MegaMillions lottery ticket.  I have purchased lottery tickets before and have never ever won. 

Before you all start breathing heavily, we didn't win this time, either.  That's not really the point of this story.  Except that before I went to purchase the lottery ticket, I dug out the lottery numbers that we always play.  I keep an old lottery ticket on my "prosperity" altar in our house. 

What, you don't have a prosperity altar?  Well, you should!  Because, it really does help.  I've had one ever since we lost our jobs and let me tell you I do believe that because I believe very strongly and absolutely that it will help, it absolutely does.  So I'm going to just keep believing that if that's all right with all of you. 

Anyway, I got the old lottery ticket from the altar and mentioned to ClydeFairy that I was going to go play the MegaMillions lottery and wouldn't it be great if he could perhaps catch those six simple balls.  I promised him I'd do great things for all dogs and mankind with the money if I happened to win. 

Of course, as I mentioned, we didn't win.  Not even close.  But the very next morning I got some surprise mystery money.  Not just the quarters and dimes and pennies that Clyde is always bouncing out of people's pockets so that I can find it and know he's thinking about me.  Oh no.  This was a big fat pile of quarters.  Lots and lots and lots of quarters.  Millions even! 

Go ClydeFairy.

DearSweetDave immediately wanted to buy a hot tub.  I was thinking perhaps a moped.  But guess what?  PracticalNakedJen (who is she and what did she do with FrivolousNakedJen?) told him that we have to put it in savings.  For a rainy day.  Or for a time when we might actually need it.  Because ClydeFairy has been very good about sending prosperity our way.  We should make sure we use the money for good things for dogs and mankind.  Just like we promised. 

P.S.  Stella loves taking showers.  Buddha is afraid of water.  ClydeFairy needs to explain to Buddha that he's a LABRADOR for god's sake.