nakedjen

She Taught Me Well. Very Well.

Back in the dark ages of my early twenties, I looked at the future and decided that being the lawyer my father wanted me to be was just not going to make me a happy nakedjen.  Not at all.

So I went off to London and declared myself a playwright and started learning all about theatrical productions and character development and how absolutely crucial it was to own your own voice.

When I returned to America, I was still not "really" a playwright and continued to work very hard at becoming one while I toiled away at Trinity College.  I had some very wonderful teachers there who were quite kind and actually convinced me that I might actually be able to write a decent play if I didn't allow myself to get in my own way.

So I wrote.  And I wrote some more.  Plays filled with love that had gone wrong, love that had never happened, love that was imaginary.  Twenty-something angst ridden pieces that featured women who really knew that they were better off without a man.

I was very fortunate to be able to take two master play writing classes with Wendy Wasserstein.  Not one, but two.  And I will never forget her laugh, her smile, her sparkling eyes and her wit!  She made me laugh so hard that my sides ached.  And she implored me to write only about the things that I know well and to always write with honesty and integrity.  She told me that if I truly told the truth in my writing and wrote just how I talked that the stories would tell themselves.

I have never forgotten that.

Wendy Wasserstein died from lymphoma at the very young age of 55 today.  Our American Theatre has lost a wonderful, generous, kind playwright and teacher who always spoke her truth and who made us all laugh.

Thank you, Wendy, for your shining light and for giving me the confidence to continue and not worry about what others thought.  Your words and voice will carry on every time a character in your plays gets to take the stage. 

Fare the well.

It Sucks To Be A Girl

Stella was spayed on Wednesday.  She came home all groggy and sporting hot pink stitches.  She also came home with strict instructions that she was to remain "quiet" for the next 14 days.  No running.  No jumping.  No trips to the dog park.

I asked my vet if he was trying to make me suicidal?

She also is sporting a "bite-not" collar.  No cone head for her!  Stella said she'd rather look like she had suffered from whiplash caused by my not so careful driving of the magic bus than to look like she was receiving messages from aliens.  How could I argue with that?

She's been pretty good.  But as each day passes, she feels better and better and is more her self and that self is a bit of a Tasmanian devil type puppy.  Whirling dervish of black puppy fur.  She loves nothing more than to attack Buddha with a full body slam and send them both flying across the living room floor.

Quiet indeed.

I also fear that she's telling Buddha all about just how horrific her visit to the vet's office was and that they're both hatching an escape plan for Buddha when it's his turn next month.  Those two have their heads together about something...certainly they're plotting away. 

It's going to be a very long ten days.  Very long indeed.

Chocolate Cake For Everyone, Except For Me!

I took this picture on Friday morning.  My intent was that it would be a post for 10:10, but then I forgot to bring my camera to Lulu Carpenter's where I was meeting GraceD for coffee and chatting and planning of her fabulous Woolf Camp.  (You're all invited, by the way.  Don't you want to come?  Come!).

When I look at this picture now, all I can say is that it is a VERY GOOD THING that I have just joined the gym today.  It is quite obvious that I have enjoyed the holidays and my birthday just a tad more than I should have.

Chocolate cake for everyone, indeed!

No more chocolate cake for me.  I usually really do try to avoid sugar.  And chocolate.  Both are terrible triggers for my seizures.  I'm lucky I haven't been seizing all over the planet these past few months because I can honestly say that very few days have passed that some form of sugar laden something has not been consumed by moi. 

Look at those hips and thighs.  They're showing off all that yummy sugary goodness just for you, dear Internet. 

Gah.

But I joined the gym.  Today!  As noted here, I turned 42 last week.  This little body of mine is NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER.  If I truly intend to live to be 136 (and I do, as insane as that lofty goal may sound), I better get my ASS IN GEAR, as they say, and really start getting this body of mine in condition to actually last for another 94 years. 

So, no more chocolate cake.  Please.  I think I've had enough to last me for quite a while.

Always NakedJen. For the Next 42 Years!

again, veryveryvery insane day.  and people are coming to my house tomorrow!  for a birthday party.  for me.  i know i wanted to celebrate my birthday.  now i'm feeling like, crap, why did i want to do that?  crazy me. 

but i come bearing pictures.  it's friday. of my glorious naked fridays.  my mother is here.  to celebrate my 42nd birthday which is tomorrow and she is trying to convince me that i should give up this "naked friday foolishness".  i asked her if she really believed she knew who i was?  she said that for the last 25 years she thought this was just some "phase" i was going through.  no joke.  she said that.  and that she really believes that it's time for that phase to end.  that i'm not lady like with all this bearing of my girly bits on the internet. 

i told her it was never my intention to be lady like.  me.  nakedjen.  lady like.  uh. huh.  right. 

so she's asked that i tell you, all my very sweet and dear and lovely blog readers that there will no longer be any more nakedness. that this is my final naked hurrah!   i think instead i will just tell you exactly what i've told you.  nakedmom (as she calls herself on my blog) doesn't make the rules.  any more. 

she told me she wanted to be able to tell her friends back in washington that i don't "do that anymore".  again, har.  dee.  har. 

so i said something about pictures, didn't i?

from my very too short visit to tennessee.  the next time that i say i'm going to tennessee for a visit, someone PLEASE REMIND ME THAT IT TAKES ALL DAY TO GET THERE.  and that i might want to visit my dearest bestest friend wendee for more than 48 hours.  48 hours is not long enough when you only see each other every blue moon.  not at all long enough.  in fact, it's about 96 hours too short.  just remind me about that, okay?

by the way.  that cake?  wendee made me that cake.  wendee who is a new mom.  with a baby.  at home.  made. me. that. cake.  it was completely and totally amazing and overwhelmed me.  i was speechless. i nearly burst into tears.  i couldn't believe it. 

did i mention to you how much i love her?  let me say it again.  i love her.  completely. 

now i need to go and clean my house.  i think we're going to go see munich tonight.  or brokeback mountain.  one or the other.  i'm so behind on my movies and oscar nominations will be announced soon. 

oh and guess what?  i sent my sister, nevernakedbeth, the mormon, a dvd of what the bleep do we know for winter solstice.  guess what she sent me for my birthday?  the dvd.  that i sent her.  because, as she put it, she just couldn't "relate". 

it's rather amusing, really.  i was trying to stretch her mind, just the tiniest bit.  obviously that attempt backfired.  in spades.  she also sent me $5.  in cash.  with a note that said she wanted to send me organic popcorn to eat while watching the movie, but they didn't sell it in her tiny town in utah.  so she wanted me to go and get some in santa cruz.

funny girl, my sister.  but at least she did know that i wouldn't eat non-organic popcorn.  actually, i won't eat organic popcorn, either, but it is the thought that counts.  i hate popcorn for those who are keeping score.  it gets stuck in my teeth and makes me batty.  but guess what?  i can use that $5 to buy organic coffee at lulu's tonight before the movie so i don't fall asleep. 

and that will be a very good thing. 

p.s.  if you're in santa cruz, and you're reading, and it's saturday january 21 and you'd like to come and celebrate my birthday with me, please do.  i'd love that.  absolutely.  you don't even have to get naked!  you can stay completely dressed.  i'll be at the dog park in the morning, at lulu's at 11:00 for coffee and conversation, and having sushi with the
masses at mobo at 7:30.  and...there's cake at our house afterwards.  so really, you're more than welcome to join us.  just come on over.

Tennessee. Tennessee. Ain't No Place I'd Rather Be.

Remember Wendee? 

She and her fab husband, Randy, have had a baby.  I haven't met the cute little boy yet, so guess where I'm going?

That's right, Tennessee. 

I'm terribly excited. 

I get to finally meet the baby boy whose first word most certainly is going to be "fuck" if only because I said it about ten thousand times while we were driving across America together this summer.  I swear to you that child heard that word in utero at least ten thousand times if not ten thousand and one.

For the religious right who are reading (and I know you're out there) and who now feel the need to bash me for "bragging" that an innocent babe's first word will be fuck, I have this to say.

Please learn to read for comprehension.

I am traveling to Tennessee with Pinky.  Do you all remember Pinky?  I married her the day that Wendee married Randy.

The reason for this trip is not only for the two of us to shower Wendee's babe with all kinds of Magical Auntie Goodness, but also to get some good girlfriend time in, as well.

Oh, and yeah, to celebrate my birthday!  Early!  Truthfully, I think the fact that all three of us are managing to be together in the SAME PLACE is reason enough to celebrate.  The fact that it's also my birthday next week is just, well, yes, I'm going to say it...

Icing on the cake.

I'm off now to Tennessee.  Ain't no place I'd rather be.  Baby, won't you carry me?

Back to Tennessee.  Bom ba da dum dee dum dee dee dum!

It's Still So Confusing

goddessnakedjen: hi
dsals: hi
dsals: how are you doing?
goddessnakedjen: i'm okay.  thank you for talking with me so honestly this morning
dsals: you're welcome. thank you for being there with me. I know it is very far from fun.
dsals: or at least is is for me
dsals: but it's improtant.
dsals: or at least important.
goddessnakedjen: so is correct spelling and grammar
dsals: yes. my grammar is very important to me.
dsals: she's the only one I have left.
goddessnakedjen: LOL
goddessnakedjen: i don't think the puppies got quite enough time at the beach
dsals: tell them I'm sorry.
goddessnakedjen: oh it will be okay.  they're just very hyped up
dsals: yeah, I'm sure. The heightened emotions this morning probably contributed too.
goddessnakedjen: there were lots of kids at the beach, so i couldn't just let them run completely free
dsals: ah.
dsals: oh well.
dsals: there really should be a place where you can take the dogs any time of the day.
goddessnakedjen: i know.
dsals: people who are so upset about the whole lighthouse field thing really aren't seeing the big picture.
goddessnakedjen: so how are you???
dsals: you should have a place that is 24 hours dogs off leash.
dsals: I'm kind of all over the place, but that's nothing new.
dsals: I'm thinking about all the things we've talked about
dsals: and what it would be like to do counseling together
dsals: or at least what i imagine it would be like
dsals: and how awful it would be if you just packed up and left and that was it
dsals: but how I couldn't stop you if you decided to do that.
goddessnakedjen: i don't want to leave
goddessnakedjen: but i thought about it on the beach
goddessnakedjen: how painful it would be to try to stay and just be friends
dsals: yeah, I know.
dsals: I understand what you're saying.
goddessnakedjen: i would always be holding out hope that you'd somehow change your mind
dsals: yeah.
dsals: I've thought about that too.
dsals: I think it's part of the reason that I haven't been very communicative about my process. or at least not every day. I've kind of felt like I need to just be as clear as possible about what I want and need before I share it with you. That that would be the most loving and respectful way to be. But nothing ever feels completely clear.
goddessnakedjen: well, as you said, there really is no black and white here.  so don't you think, perhaps, that things might just always be a bit murky?
dsals: I'm afraid of that.
dsals: It's like you said--I want to wake up in the morning and feel excited to be married.
dsals: I don't want to settle for "always a bit murky."
dsals: that feels awful.
dsals: you don't want to settle for that either. I know you.
goddessnakedjen: i don't want to settle, period
dsals: right.
goddessnakedjen: but i also don't want to not be married to you.
dsals: For me, I'm clear that I don't want to not have you in my life.
dsals: sometimes, that feels like being married, sometimes not.
dsals: the not is about exploring all of the things that I haven't felt I could explore in the marriage.
dsals: I know that feels weird for you to hear.
dsals: because you always say to me, just be yourself.
goddessnakedjen: well, from my perspective (and let's remember this is my perspective) i feel like you feel you've been THIS kind of person and that if you're not THIS kind of person i won't love you.  but i believe that you need to be YOU and let me figure out if i love you or not.  not try to protect me.
goddessnakedjen: marriage, to me, is about growth.  we don't stay the same person.  we change.  life does that.  do we grow together?  hopefully.  do we become people that we decide we can no longer love or be married to?  maybe.  but it's a journey.  that we agreed, when we said our vows, to take together. 
dsals: I still believe in the growth, in the supporting each other. I still love you.
dsals: I still believe in the idea of the journey.
dsals: that's part of what is making this so hard, and so confusing for me.
dsals: because all of that is still important to me, and I still care about what you care about, and wanting to help you become who you want to be.
goddessnakedjen: and i only want you to be your very best.
dsals: I know.
goddessnakedjen: sobs.  i can't help it.  i just sob.
dsals: why should you help it?
goddessnakedjen: well, it's not like this is a "sad" conversation. 
goddessnakedjen: we're talking practicalities
goddessnakedjen: but i've got tears.  sobs. 
dsals: the circumstances are sad.
dsals: I'm downing coughdrops like they're candy, and my throat is still feeling constricted.
goddessnakedjen: do you want me to bring you some immunitea?
goddessnakedjen: and one of our pots?
dsals: actually, that would be really awesome.
goddessnakedjen: okay, i'll do that. 
goddessnakedjen: now
goddessnakedjen: i just have to put the puppies in their houses
dsals: okay.
dsals: thank you.
goddessnakedjen: maybe i'll bring a puppy with me
goddessnakedjen: just so one of them can get some extra walking
dsals: I'm sure people here whould love to see the puppies.
dsals: they ask aobut them all the time.
goddessnakedjen: i'm just bringing one
dsals: yeah, I know. but I didn't know which one, so I just said puppies.
goddessnakedjen: i'm still in my dog walking clothes
goddessnakedjen: which always makes me feel a bit unkempt when i come to your offices
goddessnakedjen: i feel like everyone looks me up and down and says, "does she ever shower??"
goddessnakedjen: but i'm coming.  in my muddy clothes.  i'll be there soon.
dsals: okay. I don't think anyone cares about that here.
dsals: but if you're concenred, i can come home for lunch.
goddessnakedjen: no, i'm coming.
dsals: okay. sounds good. thanks

Dear Netflix, My Dogs Ate the DVD

Dear Buddha and Stella,

The following items are not fit for puppy consumption:

a.  rudolph reindeer figurines
b.  netflix dvd's
c.  gophers (well, maybe, but it grosses me out!)
d.  used sanitary napkins (see gophers!)
e.  unidentifed scary brown things on the beach

Just because you can now reach the top of the sideboard without having to even lift your big pretty heads, does not mean that the items that are there are for you to eat!  Plus, I know that you already think I am the lesser being on this planet because I bend way over and scoop up your poop, but now I have to squish it around and examine it to make sure Rudolph's legs and the slivers of DVD have actually come out the other end.  You don't know how happy I was to see Rudolphs shiney red nose today and I don't even celebrate Christmas!

You have TWO toy boxes full of puppy appropriate toys.  Your dog dishes are never empty.  It would make me a very happy dog mama if you would stick to YOUR toys and just eat your very yummy organic dog food.  Besides, exactly how good can a DVD of a John Wayne movie really taste?  Huh??

I love you both.  More than you'll ever know.  Just stick with the treats and toys and the dog food, okay?

Love and scratches,

NakedDogMama