i started the lexapro today. i'm way too sensitive because colors are MUCH BRIGHTER and i'm all jittery. gah. sounds are also MUCH LOUDER. and i feel even more sensitive and fragile if that is even possible. how could that be possible??
so here is plan 1,256. because, obviously we must be up to at least that number by now, right? i think so. it is an old plan, actually. i think we're coming full circle. gah.
i am only moving to SLC if i have an actual job and a house. and until i have those two things secured and finalized, i'm not going. if december 1 roles around and i have neither of those things, then all my stuff (and yes, i'm keeping things!) will go into storage and i'll just hit the road with the dogs and go visit my friends. i'll meet pinky and yvonne in boulder and continue from there. again, this is IF i don't have a job and a house secured.
so i'm just leaving it all up to the universe. how very nakedjen of me, huh? and i honestly, am. i'm not rolling over and spending the days in a fetal position (although honestly that sounds quite tempting), but i'm just tired of trying to make plans only to have them thwarted! or tossed upside down. or on their head.
i'm tired. i'm spent. i'm cried out.
so universe? i'm yours. send me what you've got.
i do believe that with all this painful preparation it's got to be something fanfuckingtastic, yes?? absolutely, yes!
but again, i'm trying my best to have no real expectations. just leave my heart completely open and see what unfolds before me.
that's plan 1,256. and we all know it is subject to change.
