nakedjen

Non Separation of Church and State

This morning as I was leaving my house I turned to Amanda and Kevin and said, "Wow, it's like Summer out here!"  And by the time I got up to the canyon to walk Buddha and Stella, I was, no joke, smack dab in the center of a full-blown blizzard.  It's snowing so hard that in the time it took me to walk the canyon our footprints were completely obliterated.  There were no traces that we had just walked where we had walked.  Inches are literally falling from the sky!

If I were a religious person (and we know that I'm not really a religious person of the organized religion sort) I'd tell you the sky was crying because the president of the Mormon church had died.  I honestly have no idea what this truly means for the Mormon church or how they go about choosing the next president, but I will tell you that as I was driving up to the canyon with the dogs, I noticed that every single state building in Salt Lake City had its US flag flying at half-mast.  (ETA: I see upon reading the article that they choose a president from the council based upon seniority and unanimous vote that is a long standing tradition.  Well, okay!  I suppose there's no pushing and shoving or name calling for this position!). 

I have long maintained, even before I moved to Utah, that there is very little separation here between church and state.  I first made this observation when I learned that my niece and nephew were actually being taught Mormon studies at school.  SCHOOL!  My sister, NeverNakedBeth, is a teacher in the Utah school system (and she's actually come up against the state of Utah in other matters concerning the content of books that she has taught in her classroom) and when I asked her about this, the teaching of Mormon church matters during actual school hours, she said, "We're in Utah, that's just what we do." 

I pointed out to her that there were some students, most likely, in the Utah school system who were not Mormon, who did not want to be taught Mormon studies, who did not need to prepare for their baptism or mission or whatever it is that they were learning in these classes.  NeverNakedBeth assured me that those students were allowed to learn other things.  But when I asked her what those things were she couldn't provide me with a real answer.

Uh, yeah.  My point is that schools are publicly funded government places of learning for our children.  Our tax dollars are what support the schools.  If I'm paying taxes here in Utah, quite frankly I'd rather my tax dollars go to supporting music and theatre lessons for the children in the schools than lessons about Joseph Smith and the Golden Tablets.  But that's just me.  And as far as I know, currently there's no box to tick on our tax forms that says, "Please give this money directly to the arts programs." 

Wouldn't that be wonderful??  I've been asking the US Government for just such a tick box for as long as I've been paying taxes.  No joke.  Every time I send my taxes to the IRS I send along a letter telling them that I am not giving any money for the war effort and that I would appreciate it very much if my money could be used for social programs and healthcare. 

Of course, I'm not stupid enough to believe that this does any good other than to make someone at the IRS laugh and put my letter in the shredder.  However, I feel better.   I did spend quite a few years prior to marrying DSD where I never paid any taxes at all.  Period.  That was my way of protesting.  But then when I married him, that all caught up with me and created quite a mess.  All because he insisted that we file.  Gah.

But back to Utah.  The Mormon Church has lost its president and today those of us who live in Salt Lake are living under a very heavy blanket of snow and with heavy hearts.  Again, I'm not sure of the process to replace this president.  But I'm sure if I tune into the news, I'll find out.  Or, I could just as NeverNakedBeth.  I'm sure she knows.

Post Script:  My friend, Laura, who has lived in Utah her whole life, has written a really thoughtful blog post in response to mine.  It truly explains this whole business of the schools teaching Mormon religious studies.  (They don't actually do it!).  Thank you, Laura (and Karen!).  However, I still have trouble with the flags flying at half-mast for the Mormon President OR the Pope.  The Pope isn't even American?!!  Yes, he's a world leader in some folks eyes, but he lives at the Vatican in Rome.  Did flags in Utah fly at half-mast when Saddam was killed? 

Happy Snow Day, Santa Cruz!

They're getting snow in Santa Cruz.  And my friends there are all saying WTF??  I'll just tell them it's a present from their good dog friends, Buddha and Stella.

Happy Dogs!  Happy Snow!  Happy, Happy, Happy!

Party, Party, Party

Like a rock star.  I have film reviews.  I really do. 

For now, I have pictures.  And a date with a film producer. 

I'll be back. Soon.

I'm In The G Crew

Meet my new boyfriend, 50 Cent.  I'm now in his crew...

Also, Paris Hilton. A bit vapid. Seriously. I have reports about lots of movies. I'll be back to chat about them.

And Now One For The Horses!

My birthday is on Monday.  Last year, as many of you know, I came to Sundance to celebrate my birthday.  This year, I am, of course, working at Sundance and will celebrate my birthday, at Sundance by working!  On a federal holiday, no less.  It's all good, I assure you.  I'm happy to be here.  I'm happy to help everyone get tickets to the films they so very much want to see.   I'm especially happy to be part of this very fun festival. 

But enough about all of that.

I have a very special request.  Since it is my birthday, I figure I get to ask! 

I grew up on the back of a pony.  Her name was Sandpiper.  I will tell anyone who asks that I loved her just as much as I have loved any animal I have had the pleasure of sharing my life with and that she really was my best friend during my tumultuous teen years.  She kept all my secrets and never told a soul.  She also taught me how to win with grace.  Believe me, it is important to know how to win with grace.

Sandpiper lived for what felt like forever.  I could never truly part with her, so when I was no longer able to ride her, I spent many years finding new riders and caretakers for her.  There are lots of children who are now grown adults with children of their own who also learned to ride on the back of that very sweet pony.

Because of her, I am a sucker for horses of all colors.  It's practically tattooed on my forehead.  I can't walk into a barn and not rub my own nose against theirs, scratch their ears and long to hop on their backs and gallop away into the clover.  Horses just have huge, loving, trusting hearts.  I've never met a horse I didn't absolutely love.

Economic times are quite tough these days and it seems that a lot of folks who own the backyard pony or horse are finding themselves in a pickle.  Unable to properly care for their animals (and I know, horses are expensive to keep!), they're sending them off to the slaughter houses.  Slaughter houses!  As a vegetarian who is working her way back to a vegan, well, this is just making me very sad.

Right now there are 13 horses who really need our help.  They're being held hostage at a feedlot in California and we need to bail them out.  I've already donated lots of my Dreamsweet Tea money because if Dreamsweet can't help, then I shouldn't be in business.

 

But because it is my birthday and I'm not ashamed to ask my blog readers for favours, I'm asking any and all of you who have a soft spot in your hearts for these kind and gentle beasts to please donate and help, as well. 

Sandpiper got to live out her final days until the ripe old age of 38 romping in lush green pastures in Maryland.  These horses do not deserve to end up being tugged fearfully to slaughter.  Let's give them the chance to live happy lives.

I realize it's January.  The holiday bills are rolling in and the economy is shakier than ever.  But even $5 will help.  Especially if 500 of you participate. 

Thanks!

P.S.  I do not believe it is too late.  While it said they had until the 18th, I believe all monies raised will go to saving these horses...or others in a similar plight.  So please donate. 

Taking One Trip Around The Sun

Or...What A Difference 365 Days Can Make

Last year, on this day, I wrote this entry.  I can't help but wonder, as I sit here in my own house in Salt Lake City, where I now live and where I now actually work for Sundance, if perhaps that chance meeting with Sundance's Coolest Volunteer was perhaps not a chance meeting, after all?  But was the Universe taking very good care of me? 

I know it may sound crazy to some of you, but let's look at the very interesting chain of events that followed that chance encounter exactly one year ago.

Sundance's Coolest Volunteer, it turned out, was named Chris B.  It turned out that he was, in fact, moving back to Santa Cruz from Portland, Oregon, in February, right after the Sundance Film Festival ended.  Which is exactly what he did.  And when he arrived in Santa Cruz, he called me.  DSD and I went out for Chinese food with him and his beautiful wife, Holly. 

I think I've spoken about Chris and Holly enough here on Nakedjen over the last twelve months that you all know that I basically adopted both of them and their two amazing children as my family.  I saw them nearly every single day.  I would walk my dogs in Arana Gulch and stop by their house, sometimes twice a day, just to see what was "up".  To sit at the table and chat.  To be fed amazing delicious organic food at their table.  To hang in the living room and just talk and talk and talk. 

While DSD spent the year attending Cornerstones workshops and men's groups and gatherings, I found myself spending more and more time with Chris and Holly.  Chris became my weekend Husband.  Because DSD was so busy, Chris would gladly go with me to parties, to concerts, to movies.  And Holly was a great date, as well.  She and I discovered that we LOVED the same movies, we were great dinner partners and that we could walk for miles and never run out of things to talk about.

They were both absolutely there for me that morning when DSD woke up and told me he was done.  And both of them have loved me completely in the months that have followed.

I will also share that while I was sitting in that yurt in Bonny Doon contemplating my future last October, that cold night when I said to the Universe, "I'll get a job at Sundance!" it was precisely because I knew that Chris would be there as the Coolest Volunteer that I boldly made that move.  I knew that if I did get the job, I wouldn't be attending Sundance alone.  That he would be there, too. 

Of course my decision to move to Utah, to leave Holly and Chris behind (because they are not leaving Santa Cruz for anything!), was very difficult as we all know.  It wasn't just Holly and Chris, of course.  It was all of Santa Cruz.  Santa Cruz is my home.  My community.  My heart is very much still there while I continue to find more reasons to love Salt Lake.

In just one short year, one trip around the sun that began at Sundance, that saw the complete dissolution of my marriage and my life as I knew it, that taught me that forever is never as long as you think it will be, and that now has us back again at Sundance, I have certainly learned that the people you choose to love and allow to love you are really important! 

I am loved, truly loved, by many.  I am very lucky for that.  But I am also very grateful to the Universe for that chance meeting in the Airborne Lounge one year ago.  Because that has certainly made all the difference.

Scarred for Life

Overheard today during lunch while the NakedSisters were eating in Park City... NeverNakedBeth: "She's a Drama Queen!" HalfNakedRobin:  "With every breath she takes."

Last night at Friday Night Dinner at NeverNakedBeth's house, the three Naked Sisters had gathered for a rare family dinner.  HalfNakedRobin had flown in from Raleigh and so now that Nakedjen (that would be me) lives in Salt Lake City, it meant that all three sisters could gather around the table and enjoy a meal together.

The meal included NeverNakedBeth's two children.  Her daughter, my niece, is just twelve.  I will say now that I adore her, completely, but I am sometimes absolutely surprised at what a "good" girl she is.  I say this because her mother, my sister, was NOT a good girl.  When her mother, NeverNakedBeth was 12, let's just say that her name certainly would NOT have been NeverNakedBeth.  Let's just say that it might have been more like, AlwaysNakedBeth.  She's changed a lot since she was 12. 

Still, NeverNakedBeth's daughter is quite an amazing young lady.  And good!  And modest!  And sometimes I just sit in awe and wonder where she came from?  Last night I was chatting with her and mentioned that I was hoping to find a British Film Director during the upcoming Sundance Film Festival. 

My niece (we'll call her H) responded that it was odd that I was just hoping to find ANY British Film Director and didn't I even know his name?

Nakedjen:  "No, H, I don't know his name.  His name isn't important."
H: "Jennifer, you need to know his name.  How will you have a conversation with him?"
Nakedjen:  "H, I'll just call him Jed."
H: "What if that isn't his name?"
Nakedjen: "It won't really matter.  All that will matter is if he's willing to lie on top of me!"

With that, H turned bright red, covered her face, ran into her room and said, "I've heard enough!  You've scarred me for life!"

Well, if I'm not going to do it, who is??

I will share that she came out a little while later, we talked about it, and all was forgiven.  I think life will just be much more interesting for both of us now that I'm living just twenty minutes away.  At least I hope so. 

His Heart Was 30 Pounds of Heavy

i forgot to mention that while i was at the doctor's office yesterday they weighed me. it is when i am at a doctor's office that is the only time i get on a scale. i don't own one.

so the last time i got on a scale was for my annual, i think, back in september. before all of this trauma with dave. when i was still eating! i knew i had lost weight because i went to steve and barry's with my sister, nevernakedbeth, last week and was buying pants in sizes i haven't seen in years. but i also figured that was sarah jessica parker doing vanity sizing.

however, according to the utah scales (and perhaps the altitude makes you lighter??) i am now 30 pounds lighter. that's a lot of pounds. like a second grader or something. or a limb, at least, right? i'm not sure where those pounds went because i don't, honestly, feel like i'm 30 pounds lighter. so again, perhaps in utah we're lighter because of the altitude? or maybe it's just that i'm no longer carrying dave's heavy heart around with my own?

When Fantasy Crashes Into Reality

I have been deluged today with emails from gentlemen who have just stumbled upon Nakedjen and have realized that I am, goodness gracious, naked on the Internet.  I am not sure why today, January 10, 2008, happens to be a special day among all days for these particular gentlemen to have found Nakedjen, but it is a day that I have received more than my usual share of laudatory emails about my voluptuous body and the intricate details about how many times these gentlemen have masturbated and the quality of their very generous loads.

Um, yeah.

I want to clarify something for those who are new to Nakedjen.  I am not naked on the Internet because I am trying to be the object of some random person's masturbatory fantasies.  That has never been my intention.  However, I will also share that it does not bother me if there are those folks who happen upon Nakedjen and decide that my naked body is just such an object. 

I will also share that David (as I've come to refer to him lately for reasons that are probably more than clear) did not leave me because there were random strangers who were masturbating to naked pictures of his wife on the Internet.  He also did not leave me because I was naked on the Internet.  Or writing about our marriage on the Internet.  At least he claims that all of these are not reasons why he left.  At the moment, I still believe him.

I will share, since I am naked on the Internet with more than just my body, but with my feelings and emotions as well, that while it does not bother me at all that I am often the object of others fantasies, it does sometimes bother me when these people choose to share in quite intimate and excruciating detail with me their specific fantasies. 

Why?

Sometimes they're quite violent.  Sometimes the fantasies of these people who feel compelled to share are very graphic and involve death.  My death.  Quite frankly, as a person who has been abused in her own past, sometimes these very graphic fantasies go just a bit too far.  Even for me.  Especially for me, actually, and since they're not MY fantasies, I feel like I'm being abused rather than celebrated.

However, I also know, yes I know, that this is a price I pay for being naked on the Internet.  I could choose to not post the pictures.  I could choose to not write the way that I do.  I could choose to not encourage the rest of you to celebrate your own bodies, to love your selves in all ways, to get naked and to be real.

I could choose not to.  But then, I wouldn't be naked.  And I certainly wouldn't be me.

So I suppose what I'm saying is that while I appreciate that there are those of you out there who discover Nakedjen while searching for naked pictures of whatever floats your boat and that when you find Nakedjen you actually do stay and enjoy all the photos and even the writing and it fulfills some of your very deepest fantasies, I think perhaps those fantasies should be shared on your own blogs. 

That's the beauty of blogs.  Just like a body, we can all have one.  And we can use it to say whatever it is that we feel is important.  I know those fantasies are very important for some of you.  So go get a blog, get naked, and tell all of us all about it.

The Internet is listening.

Snowflakes That Stay On Stella's Nose and Eyelashes

Snow when it is sunny is a new experience for me.  And I must admit, I'm not jaded enough to say Pfft.  I think it is absolutely BEAUTIFUL.  Even if I do have to go drive in it.

I have acupuncture today.  Let's see if that helps to quell the seizures (yes, I'm still having them) and the sobbing (yes, I'm still sobbing). 

I am going to try and take a picture of the dogs in this amazing snow.  Because, honestly?  Seeing Stella with snowflakes on her nose can make even the saddest of Nakedjens smile and laugh. 

Snowflakes on the tip of a black lab nose are a cure for just about anything.