We're having a very typical snowstorm here tonight. Lots of blustery snow blowing in all directions. After quite a few days in a row of temperatures that were above 40 degrees that actually caused my own body to start contemplating wearing t-shirts instead of polar fleece, this afternoon the thermostat PLUNGED back to the freezing mark and down came the snow. The world around me almost instantly went from a beautiful technicolor glory to stark white.
When I moved here a few months ago I made a promise to a certain someone that I would do a very Nakedjen photo sporting my new pink umbrella and nothing else in a classic Salt Lake City snowstorm. I have yet to deliver on this promise. Today, as I mentioned, we're having just such a snowstorm. So, me being me, I thought, well, I should take this opportunity to take that very Nakedjen photo!
Only problem is I am currently residing alone here in Salt Lake City. NeverNakedBeth, whom so generously took the photos the other day, lives in Lehi which is about 30 minutes south. She also teaches school. Which meant I couldn't really just call her on the phone and say, "Hey, NeverNakedBeth, I MUST take a naked photo today. Please drive here after school, in the blizzard, and help your sister out!" Not.going.to.happen.
There's always Buddha and Stella, of course, but there's that pesky problem of opposable thumbs. They don't have them. And Stella, try as she might, has not quite learned how to focus the camera properly either. For some reason every picture she takes is always of a tennis ball. Even when I'm standing RIGHT THERE NAKED AND SMILING, the picture she takes? A beautiful tennis ball. I don't know what that dog is thinking! We can forget asking Buddha. Let's all remember that Buddha rides the short bus and is lucky if he remembers that we're even taking a photograph.
I am a resourceful girl, though, as we all know. And far be it from me to let my readers down. When faced with the perfect snow storm and thus the perfect opportunity for a Pink Umbrella photo, well, what else do you do but ask your neighbors? The very ones whom live next door. The very ones whom you have not met yet because they only moved in last weekend!
Of course that's what you do!
But first I had to get naked. Which I did. I will admit that I started, already, to rethink this whole idea because my house is as cold as an icebox (there's no need for a freezer in this house...ice cream literally does not melt when it is left for days on the counter) and the mere act of stripping here in my house made me feel as if my boobs were going to fall off!
After getting naked, I found the pink umbrella. Armed with that, my camera and wearing my crocs (because they're easy to slip off!) I marched next door to the neighbors house. Yes, marched. When one is naked and walking next door, one must walk with absolute authority. Trust me on this one.
Their porch light was on which I felt was a very good sign. I knocked. I shivered. I waited. Their dogs barked and barked. I knocked again. I shivered some more. My teeth started chattering. I heard movement inside. I then believe that I saw someone peek from behind a curtain. But I may, just may, have been mistaken. I waited a bit longer.
I knocked one more time. The dogs barked. I am sure I heard someone say SHHHHH! But no one, I repeat no one, answered the door. So, dejected, I marched (because, again, when you're naked you must walk with authority!) back to my house and hurried inside where I immediately wrapped myself in a blanket and stood over the heating vent trying to bring life back to my girly bits!
Gah. I really believe they were home. But I think perhaps having a Naked woman knock on their door was perhaps a bit too much?! Maybe?!!
I mean really now. If you were at home, wouldn't you have at least wanted to see what I wanted? I hope that you would have.
P.S. If you're reading this and you live in SLC and you'd be willing to take the photo before it stops snowing (or the next time we have a snow storm, please let me know. I really do want to take one!).
A nude greeting/photo-op is so much better than that cliched apple pie...hopefully they come around!
Posted by: caitlin | 14 February 2008 at 09:36 AM
Those poor people! You probably scared them half to death.
"Hello, nine-one-one? There's a naked lady - with a PINK PARASOL, no less - banging on my front door, wanting to get in.
"Yes, I said naked, with a pink parasol.
"No, I don't know what she wants. You think I should have answered the door?
"Of course not. I didn't think that was safe.
"Are you SURE you don't have any escapees in the last few hours from some local looney bin? She surely hasn't gone far, not without any protection from the weather."
Posted by: Harl Delos | 14 February 2008 at 11:42 AM
Meeting your neighbors is a good thing, but I think a self-timer on the camera would be better then asking them to out into the cold as well.
Posted by: JohnO | 14 February 2008 at 01:17 PM
Jen: Camera with self timer and a tripod. Then you don't have to freak out the straights in SLC, and have the cops making a friendly inquiry.
Posted by: Gromit801 | 14 February 2008 at 01:23 PM
If some naked woman with pink parasol and camera in hand knocked on MY door I'm letting her in! A possible conversation:
daughter who's 16: Dad, there's a naked lady at the door!
me coming to the window to see: Yeah!
daughter: She's got an umbrella, a pink one...
me: So?
daughter:...and a camera.
me: yeah? so? Let's see what she wants!
daughter: What if she's crazy and tries to kill us?
me: Anyone walking around with a pink parasol isn't going to kill anybody. She's naked--- let her in, she looks like she's freezing.
daughter: Dad. she's. naked!
me: Yeah! She sure is! Hey, how ya doin'? You want me to what? You in the snow? with your two dogs? and the parasol? Sure! I'll be your personal photographer if you want. Well, pleased to meet you Nakedjen. My name? Just call me the luckiest guy on the block right now.
daughter: Jesus, Dad...
Posted by: Cowpunk | 14 February 2008 at 03:42 PM
That answers the pink umbrella part. If you are going to get some stranger to click. Just make sure we don't get a report of NakedJen, holding a brolly, chasing someone with a camera in a snowstorm, on the news or funniest home videos.
Posted by: ronfortoby | 14 February 2008 at 05:40 PM
I have to say, I probably wouldn't open the door for a naked person I didn't know. Now if a complete stranger knocked on my door, clothed, and asked me to take a picture of them naked....I'd do that, no problem. But I have to say I would think anyone standing on my doorstep, in a snowstorm, naked is crazy and I wouldn't let them in.
Posted by: Wendy Jones | 14 February 2008 at 06:36 PM
Nakedjen you are so awsome can you email me at darthclub@hotmail.com
Posted by: overprotected | 14 February 2008 at 07:31 PM