nakedjen

The Natural Beauty of Utah

I took my first trip yesterday beyond the real confines of Salt Lake City.  Well, not my first trip, actually.  I've been up to Park City and down to Provo and, of course, out to Sundance.  And I've been skiing at Solitude.  But yesterday I went out beyond the Great Salt Lake to a quiet and quite desolate area where it was so quiet that I could actually hear myself breathing if I listened intently enough. 

It was so beautiful out there.  The colors and hues of the landscape were the softest mixture of mossy greens, azure blues, nudes and grays.  I wanted to just blend right in.  And the smell of the salt water in my nose, the feel of the salt on my skin.  BLISS! 

I wasn't bothered by the cold one tiny bit and that is a testament to how very much my soul was aching for the sand beneath my feet and the salt upon my skin.  I could have stayed out there for hours and hours.  We did stay for quite a long while, in fact.  And I can't wait to go back.  It is, truly, a magical and healing place.

Packing Peanuts? Seriously?

You wouldn't think that a simple email about packing peanuts could leave a girl like me crumpled on the floor in a pile of snot and tears, but then, perhaps if you wouldn't think that, perhaps you're not me.  Or living in my shoes at this particular moment.

Actually, even if you are a girl like me, you'd be quite taken aback by your own behavior upon finding yourself in that big fat heap on the floor with both dogs doing their best to lick away the tears and quiet the sobs and your head will spin with all kinds of thoughts as to why that email, that innocent email about packing peanuts, could possibly sweep the world right out from under your feet? 

The email in question came from someone who doesn't even know me personally.  She just knows that I collect packing peanuts.  For my tea business.  To ship the teas.  She's supplied them to me in the past.  Quite generously.  She has left them on her porch for me in big black plastic garbage bags.  I have come and gathered them and put them to use in my shipments.

Today she sent me a kind and gentle email to tell me there were three garbage bags of packing peanuts waiting for me.  On her porch.  In Santa Cruz.

I burst into sobs.  Sobs!  Crumpled to the floor.  Leaned against the wall and just sat there and wondered at this life of mine?  Of what it has become?  And then I wondered, quite out loud, in between sobs, at the ridiculousness of tears over packing peanuts and that perhaps I'm only kidding myself when I say I'm doing so very well.  Very well, indeed, until someone mentions garbage bags of packing peanuts on porch stoops in Santa Cruz.

It Runs In The Family

HalfNakedRobin really needs to have her own blog.  She's back in Europe...because she's still unemployed and when you're not working, Europe is as good a place as any to holiday...

Hello folks,

I've been having a fantastic time on my holiday and a day hasn't gone by when I didn't wish at some point that you were here to share it with me. I could write a long list of who I have met, the sites, the stories and laughs, all of it but I won't. I've written so much in my journal. We'll have a Guinness and I'll tell you then. It's been loads of fun, of course. I'm wicked lucky!!

What I most want to share is:  Get ye arse to Scotland! 

I am one that favors warm climates and white beaches so this is a huge for me to say! Scotland has friendly folks, great whisky, grand castles, loads of history and crazy weather. It's dog friendly! So much so, there is a dog cemetery at Edinburgh Castle...but it's the natural beauty that won me over.

The landscapes of Scotland grab the imagination. I was walking the dogs at Peter's in the highlands and I looked at the landscape in awe. I was standing at Peter's looking across the Cairngorm National Park dusted in snow. The view extends for miles. The different hues of gray, evergreen and brown were so soothing and bewildering. Property lines and roads are sketched through the munros and glens like a perfect jigsaw puzzle. I'm convinced the estates and castles are scattered for stupefying effect. It seemed I had a view of the entire world from there and I was speechless. Well, the next day I found myself taking a bus journey to St Andrew's through Fife. I had to take a deep breath. The landscape had taken on that of an impressionist painting. Spring has come. There are bright patches of forsythia, cherry blossoms popping, rich green pastures and trees glowing a lemon lime. Thousands of daffodils are poking up on every edge. Overnight I have traveled into a whole new world. As we pull up to the sea in St Andrew's, I have tears welling up in my eyes. I am so happy to be at this spot. I am staring out at the waves. I can hear Vangelis in my head. I can see the opening scene of Chariots of Fire...my all time favorite movie. There I was. I was standing in the waves, mystified with happiness and freezing my arse off ;-) I didn't care how cold I was. I could see the castle on the edge of the sea. That spot is revered to me forever.

How did I leave?

Returning to Brussels, on the train, I met a two fellows from Dundee.  Paul and Rooney, both in their late 30's, taking a few weeks tour through Europe. We chatted it up a little while. They invited me to go to Amsterdam with them, pick up a car and drive to Cologne. I said, are you serious? Paul answered, "quite. you have a contagious laugh and we will have a great tour together, I'm certain."  I said, no I must meet Mark this evening and get back to the states soon. Paul didn't agree. Well, then he paid for my lost train ticket, right on the spot. (I keep losing things. I dropped and left my passport on the plane in Philadelphia.)   Carried my bag , bought me a Juliper, and tried his damnedest to get me on that connecting train to Amsterdam. Today, he says he'll be back to Brussels. He suggested Mark have dinner with us... so Mark can size him up ;-)...then, he'll kidnap me to go onto Cologne. He's already called twice...we'll see...did I mention he's really easy on the eyes ;-)

Too good to be true.

peace and love,
Robinowitz

If Madonna can be Madonna, then I can be Nakedjen

Surly woman at the DMV today:  What did you say your name was?
Nakedjen:  Jennifer Neal
Surly woman:  That's what I thought you said.  There are FIVE Jennifer Neal's in Salt Lake. 
Nakedjen:  Five?  Really? 
Surly woman:  Yes, five.  What's your address?
Nakedjen:  I wonder if they're all Naked??
Surly woman:  What??  Who's naked!?!
Nakedjen:  Oh, no one right now.  I just wonder if any of them are?
Surly woman:  Well that's a very strange thing to wonder...
Nakedjen:  I suppose.

I feel compelled to go and find all these other Jennifers and at least introduce myself.  When I lived in Santa Cruz there was a Jennifer Neal who lived just a few blocks down the street from me.  She often got my mail.  I never got hers for some reason, but she often got mine.

Who knew there were so many of us in the world?  Perhaps I really should just change my name to just Nakedjen.

Madonna can be Madonna.  Cher can be Cher.  I certainly can be Nakedjen. 

How To Know You've Finally Arrived In Salt Lake City

HandyManTim:  Hey, I saw your website yesterday.  I feel like we're on more intimate terms now.
Nakedjen:  Oh, really?  Well, yeah.  I guess so.
HandyManTim:  Did you get back together with your husband?  When I put you in Google there were like 50 things that came up.  And wedding pictures.  And something about him getting off a plane?
Nakedjen:  No.  We're not getting back together.  I'm here.  I'm single.  Those must be old entries.
HandyManTim:  Oh.  I wasn't looking at the dates.  I was just reading it all.  You look good, by the way.
Nakedjen:  Thank you.  I'm glad you think so.
HandyManTim:  You know how I found out about it?
Nakedjen:  No, how?
HandyManTim:  I was over at a house fixing their faucet and they were talking about Nakedjen.  And I said, "Hey I know her!"  And the people said, "You know Nakedjen?!  Wow!"  And then they showed me your website.  I had no idea...
Nakedjen:  Well, yeah.  Now you do.
HandyManTim:  Yeah.  Now I do!  You're famous!  That was a beautiful staircase, by the way.  Excellent craftsmanship.   And you added to it!
Nakedjen:  Famous among a few.  And I guess among some folks who needed a new faucet in Salt Lake.

How To Make Me Smile On A Friday

Learn that when you google "Goddess of Nakedness" the very first result is "Nakedjen".

That is certainly enough to put a smile on my face. 

Happiest Naked Friday, everyone. Go get naked and celebrate Spring!

Elaboration May Be Forthcoming

Or not.  My soul is going through all kinds of searching.  And aching.  I can only seem to share lists these days.  So here's another.

1.  Snow blowing sideways while the sun is shining doesn't make it any less snow or any less searing on my soul that is seeking spring. 

2.  New found friends who invited me for an organic vegan pot luck are a true blessing.  They're good for my soul.  They also provided much needed laughter, much needed company and a much needed break from eating dinner alone.

3.  Spring is blooming in Santa Cruz.  My soul knows this even if my body is still freshly frozen here in Salt Lake City.  And my soul is aching with the wanting of the smell of flowers in my nose and the sight of that special blue hue the ocean has on these days. 

4.  Being able to attend my niece and nephew's orchestra concerts at their schools?  Well, that IS good for my soul.  Really.  It is.  I love being an almost daily part of their lives.  Even if they do roll their eyes at me most of the time.

5.  I am too fragile to be receiving attention from men who are only looking to lie on top of me and then disappear like goth figures back into the shadows of the night.  Yes, I know that I said that sometimes that is all that a girl wants or needs.  I realize it is too soon for me to want or need just that.  My soul is far too delicate.  And perhaps, yes, it is far too toxic.  Not sure, really.  But I'm feeling confounded by the men who keep appearing in my life right now.  The universe must have a very interesting lesson for me to learn.

DIVORCEROLLERCOASTER2008

I know that this whole divorce process is really like riding a rollercoaster that you wish would just fucking stop, please, so that you can get off.  Now.  Or at least, I will share, that for me, that is exactly what it feels like.  And I will also share that this rollercoaster that I'm riding?  This DIVORCEROLLERCOASTER2008? It puts all those rollercoasters at theme parks across America and the rest of the world to shame.  It's got death defying highs and drops that leave your heart outside of your body (not just in your throat, but definitely outside of your body) as well as twists and turns so corkscrew like that they leave me not knowing which way is up, which way is down or even what my own name is and if I'm actually still standing on this planet.

Of course, I'm not really standing on this planet.  Truthfully, I haven't been since that fateful day in October when Dave woke up and said to me, "I'm done."  God it still seers my heart to even write those words.  I laugh about it in conversations I have with others.  I put on a really good show.  I act like all of this is such a laughable joke.  I say things like, "My husband dumped me!"  or "My husband left me!  Me!  Can you believe it?"  or I even say, "He just woke up and said, 'I'm done' and that was that.  I didn't really get to participate in the conversation.  So here I am.  In Salt Lake City." 

I'm riding a very nasty and scary and terrifying rollercoaster.  It's a rollercoaster whose destination is the dissolution and destruction of all the dreams I once held for my marriage with Dave and ends with me single, alone, solitary in this world. 

I know, I know, I'm not completely alone.  I have a multitude of friends.  I have Buddha and Stella.  But let's face it.  I have no life partner anymore.  And while I am the first to admit that a life partner wasn't even in my plans for myself ten years ago, I allowed myself to get very used to the idea.  To embrace it.  To work very hard at my marriage.  To commit daily to loving Dave above all else, to sharing all that I was with him and allowing myself to dream of a future that included him in each picture. 

The DIVORCEROLLERCOASTER2008 is making sure those pictures and those dreams and that future will never happen.  Every time I vomit, I realize I'm purging ever deeper the reality that can not be.  Every twist, every turn, every drop, every time my heart leaves my body, I know I'm letting it all go.

But what, pray tell, is going to take its place?  What ride am I going to get on next?  Please, please, don't let it be the spinning teacups.  That's all I ask.

Am I Going To Have To Share This With Dave?

Hello my good friend.
 
Hope all is well with you and your family?, I want to inform you that
this multi-million-dollar  business has been concluded with the
assistance of another partner.

I left a Bank Draft $1.2million cashable any where in the  world for
your Compensation.Contact my Account officer David Mark on his email 
dmsf1@live.com and provide him your telephone number and address
where to send you the Daft.

I have forwarded instruction to him concerning your bank draft,He will 
send it immediately.I'm busy here with the investment projects,  

I Remain Your Friend,
Mr Bob John Peete


You know what will be the saddest part of all of this?  The amount of legitimate emails I will now receive from other people who have received this same email and want to know why they have NOT gotten their $1.2 million dollar bank draft.  It happens every time.

You Don't Know How Hard It Is...

To get your dog to pose for a picture in the most amazing and fabulous thrift shop score ever.  I mean, seriously.  Stella is all about her spa days, but she actually wasn't so keen on putting her head under the dryer.  Or having her hairs "frosted" using the vintage frosting cap that I also got from the thrift shop yesterday.

But oh are we ready to play beauty parlor at Chez Naked?  We really are.  The coolest part?  Or hottest part, I might actually say?  The beauty parlor hair dryer works.  And it reclines.  So, I can wash my dreads and plop down naked and peruse all kinds of wonderful fashion magazines and gossip rags (because, well, isn't that what one does while one is at the beauty parlor?) while my dreads dry! 

Life in Salt Lake just got a whole lot more fun.  Let me tell you.  My thanks to Laura, once again, for taking me thrift shopping with her yesterday and also for taking me to Ethiopian.   I can not wait to go back for more of that amazing food.  I concurred with her yesterday that having that restaurant here makes having to move back to Santa Cruz just a little bit less urgent.  (Just a little bit less).