nakedjen

2008. The Good. The Bad. The Ugly.

the good

moved to utah
divorce is final
laura and mike
calvin
jess and sam
the architect
jodi
dave winer (he visited, even!)
my new organic friends at the salt lake farmers market
blog in new york times
mimi and steve
my cousin's wedding and family reunion
november in santa cruz
sundance
moving to sugarhouse
much better relationship with my sister, nevernakedbeth

the bad

i moved to utah
divorce is final
blog in the new york times
buddha and stella ate the rabbit
palpable loneliness
living far too long in the crack house with those insane neighbors
way more seizures than i should ever have ever

the ugly

spending new years wandering naked in the snow with no clue where i was
divorce (is final)
david's behavior (and my own in response)
missing the fair (may that NEVER happen again)
i live in utah

for 2009

the oregon country fair
no more seizures
more yoga
less bitterness
more joy
a new love
no more sugar or white flour
travel more, stress less
two new blogs

To Living Life

A year ago I was sitting in Santa Cruz crying my eyes out because even though the holiday tomorrow is not a holiday I choose to celebrate, my marriage was in shambles, my husband was in Hawaii on a trip that I was also supposed to be on but had been told I was no longer invited to join, I was couch surfing and biding my time before making the move to Utah, and I knew that the following day, like many, many, many days to follow, I would wake up totally and completely alone.

This year I am sitting in Utah.  I am not crying my eyes out, although I am sure there are some out there who might not blame me if I did.  At least for a little while.  The final divorce decree arrived in the mail.  Yesterday. Merry Christmas To Me!  I am officially no longer married to David.  My marriage has been dissolved.  Do you suppose they took it, shredded all evidence into the tiniest fragments possible, and dissolved it in the Pacific Ocean?  How exactly does one dissolve a marriage?  The shared memories, the shared love, the shared experiences?

Whatever this past year of reflection has taught me, one thing I truly have learned is that there certainly were two of us involved in that marriage and when you have two people telling their truths, their stories of what happened, boy can you have two very dramatically different versions.

So now here I am.  In Utah.  I have a pile of presents under my own little Charlie Brown tree.  It amazes me that for a girl who doesn't even celebrate this holiday that there are presents for me from all kinds of lovely people who have befriended me since I moved here and insist that I be a part of their celebration, that I receive their kindness and generosity.

It didn't take much insisting, I promise.  I feel so loved and as if the family I am now creating for myself here is one that really does understand who I am.  I am blessed and I am grateful.

Here's to a year gone.  To another year coming.  To a marriage dissolved.  To my ultimate freedom to be exactly the best me I hope to be.  To living life in authenticity.  And to the very special family I am creating just for me. 

Happy Solstice.  Happy Christmas.  Happy Happy.

The Nakedjen Film Festival

It's no secret to the many who love me that I spend my Christmas day at the movies.  All day long.  Well, not quite all day long.  I usually spend the early morning cooking a meal for and then serving it to the underprivileged and homeless.  Then, I slip into a rather quiet movie theatre with a few of my very good friends and we all watch the latest holiday releases.  Together. 

Between movies, we usually gather around a table at Lulu Carpenter's for yummy treats and coffee and we "digest" the film we've just seen.  There's always a break between films (although there was that one year where we literally skipped from theatre to theatre and crammed SIX movies into the day) so that we're not overloading our brains and we can give ourselves a chance to actually remember the films we have seen.  Plus the dogs always need a walk and to be fed so there's a break for that, too!

This year, of course, I'm in Salt Lake.  I'm no longer in my beloved Santa Cruz.  My usual film-loving peeps are not here, they're there.  I can't really go there (as much as I would LOVE TO GO THERE) because of my job working for Sundance.  Which, as we all know, is one of the primary reasons I'm here! 

Fortunately, despite my fears to the contrary, there are lots of theatres that are open on Christmas Day here in Salt Lake as well as restaurants.  I'm going to be hosting the Nakedjen Film Festival right here on Christmas Day.  There will be another Nakedjen Film Festival also happening, simultaneously, in Berkeley, hosted by my very dear friend Dave Winer, for those of you that are THERE and want to attend.  And I believe there will be one in Santa Cruz, as well.  Look at that?  We're going, well, somewhat national!

Today, while I was driving to meet NeverNakedBeth for some last minute holiday shopping (hers not mine!) I heard this piece on NPR.  It so perfectly captured my own thoughts and spirit about movies on Christmas and the reasons why I do it that I felt I should share it with all of you.

Do not feel sorry for me and my friends who are sitting in front of those flickering lights sharing the experience of good films on Christmas Day.  I can honestly say that some of my most happiest Christmases have been celebrated in just that way and it is a tradition I am never going to give up!

My Seven Husbands

It is probably not surprising, or shocking, especially to those of you who do not live here in Utah and are still scratching your heads wondering what on earth I am doing living here in Utah and who send me emails on a near daily basis asking me how I'm surviving living side by side with the Mormons that while I was at a holiday party last Thursday the conversation quite naturally turned to polygamy.  More specifically, the women with whom I was chatting lowered their voices to a whisper (why must we always whisper?) and pulled me closer to share that there are over 60,000 polygamists living within the city limits of Salt Lake City.

I have had my suspicions about one particular family that lives just down the block from my current new home so I lowered my own voice, too, and asked if they knew about the people living in that house?  No, not sure about that family.  What had I observed?

However, then I raised my voice (oh the horrors) and said that honestly it really wasn't any of our business was it?  Who cares what their living arrangements are as long as everyone is in agreement and happy and the children are all being well attended?

Should we really be sticking our noses in to places that they really do not belong? 

In Persian countries, men have multiple wives and none of us think anything of it.  We do not even question it.  Yet here we get all a twitter, our knickers get all in a twist and we can not possibly imagine how it could be good for anyone involved!

I will share with all of you that I could be perfectly happy being wife number 2 or 3 or even number 5.  I'm perfectly serious about this.  In fact, it was an offer that I absolutely extended to David.  I encouraged him to find another wife for us.  To explore that possibility within our marriage.  He decided that he was not emotionally capable of such an arrangement. He decided to leave the entire marriage instead.

Likewise, I would not be opposed to having more than one husband if I could possibly find men who were open to such an arrangement (I am unsure I could find men willing to actually participate, but it's worth exploring!).  Of course they'd need to love one another just as much as they all loved me.  They'd also have to love dogs.  A lot.  Oh and like being naked. 

I can hear the whispers at next year's neighborhood holiday gathering now.  "Oh, yes, that's Nakedjen.  And her seven husbands.  Yes, seven husbands.  I hear they spend all day wandering the house naked!  She never allows them to wear clothes unless they're going outside and sometimes not even then.  Betty told me that she's seen them over the back fence having a naked BBQ!  I mean, really.  Who does she think she is?" 

Hello, I'm Nakedjen.  I believe that relationships should be defined by the adults who actually participate in them.  If you don't want more than one wife (or husband) by all means don't have more than one.  And if you do?  Then I'll leave that all up to you.

Slide Down My Cellar Door

When I was in my twenties, dating was such a genuine game for me.  It really was.  First of all, I was in my twenties.  Which means, honestly, I was very much the know-it-all sassy outspoken and noisy hippie girl who really believed you were LUCKY if you got to go out (sleep) with me. 

I also was on tour with the Grateful Dead for the majority of my twenties.  Which means the men I was both attracted to and was attracting were boys (yes, really they were BOYS) that I called the "trustafarians" because they usually were sporting dreadlocks, wearing clothes made by poor Guatemalan Indians, knew how to play hacky sack and throw a Frisbee, had a dog named Cassidy, drove a VW micro bus and lived off a trust fund that could probably save both GM and Chrysler from their financial woes for the next seven years.  (I'm not joking!  I really did have quite the string of billionaire boyfriends).

When I was in my thirties, dating became a little more difficult.  Not a lot more difficult, but a little more difficult.  Jerry Garcia had died.  I was no longer on tour.  The Internet dating sites had appeared and I decided to give those a whirl.  I developed my Seven Dwarfs theory.  Which goes like this:  You date seven men.  All at the same time.  One for each day of the week.  You do not allow yourself to become attached to any of them, really.  You're just dating.  To date.  To help you define what it is you're really hoping to find in your Prince Charming. 

It is important while dating all these men that you're open and honest and up front with each of them that there are six other men and that they're just part of the rotation.  Whether or not you sleep with all seven is up to you.  Certainly there's merit in it, I can attest.  Honestly, you learn a lot about your own sexual preferences when you're sleeping with seven different sexual partners.  Those of you who are not up for seven different sexual partners seven days a week will just have to take my word.  Of course, you do not have to have sexual relations with ANY of these men.  Or women. Certainly guys can date seven women at once, too, and I think perhaps they should!  Having sex is just part of the realm of possibilities.  How you manage all these dates with all these partners is up to you.

Of course I met DSD and got married during my thirties.  Which put a stop to my dating extravaganza.  He was dwarf number 7, actually.  Turning him from a dwarf to Prince Charming did not turn out as I expected, but then none of us had a crystal ball (because this was not TRULY a fairy tale) so I had to trust my own heart and just see where life and faith would take me.

We all know how that particular fairy tale ended.

Now, I find myself in my 40's.  Back in the dating world.  In a city that perhaps is not quite the right fit for me.  Or maybe I'm not the right fit for it?  I think that might be the better way to describe it.  In my head I am still that quite sassy, quite outspoken, quite noisy, quite charming hippie girl that you would be LUCKY to date.  However, the men I'm meeting here I think are having trouble even beginning to find my charm.  Well, the single men, that is.  Married men seem to think I'm everything including the cherry on top! 

I may be a cherry and I may like it on top, but I'm not taking someone else's husband. 

I'm not giving up all hope.  Certainly not.  I know that love has a way of finding us when we least expect it. I'm keeping my heart open, a smile on my face, and a ready yes to the boys that are brave enough to invite me out to play.

Hmmm....Needs Ketchup!

Dear Stella,

Thank you for catching the mouse.
And for eating it.
I really didn't want to do either.

Santa will be bringing you something special.

Love,

Mama

Like The Flu

It's going around.  Here are my answers.  Most of you could have probably filled this in for me.

How Have I Changed

1.) How old were you 10 years ago? 34
2.) Where did you go to school? 10 year's ago?  No where. 
3) Where did you work?: Santa Cruz Operations (SCO)
4) Where did you live? Cabin in Bonny Doon
5.) Where did you hang out? 99 Bottles
6.) Did you wear glasses? No.
7.) Who was your best friend?  Elizabeth
8.) How many tattoos did you have? 2
9.) How many piercings did you have? 9
10) What car did you drive?: 1988 Toyota Van
11.) Had you been to a real party? um, yes
12.) Had you had your heart broken? absolutely.

-----------5 years ago-----------
1.) How old were you?: 39
2.) Where did you go to school? Global Institute for Alternative Medicine
3.) Where did you work? Reality Fusion then Self-Employed
4.) Where did you live? 125 Cowell Street
5.) Where did you hang out? Saturn Cafe
6.) Did you wear glasses? nope
7.) Who was your best friend? DSD, Elizabeth
8.) How many piercings? 9
9.) How many tattoos did you have?:2
10.) Had you been to a real party?: um, yes.
11.) What car did you drive?: Turbo Beetle
12.) Were you Single/Taken/Married/Divorced?: Married

----------------2 years ago-------------------
1.) How old were you?: 42 - the answer to everything!
2.) Where did you go to school? i didn't.
3.) Where did you work? Cedar Street Clinic
4.)Where did you live? 102 Taylor Street
5.) Where did you hang out?: Lulu Carpenter's
6.) Did you wear glasses? nope
7.) Who was your best friend? Elizabeth
8.) How many tattoos did you have?: 4
9.) How many piercings did you have? 9
10.) What car did you drive?: Honda Element
11.) Had your heart been broken? No
12.) Were you Single/Taken/Married/Divorced? Married

--------------------Today--------------------
1.) How old are you?: 44
2.) Where do you go to school? i don't.
3.) Where do you work? Dreamsweet Organic Medicinals
4.) Where do you live? sugarhouse
5.) Do you wear glasses? nope
6.) Where do you hang out? Coffee Garden, SLC Library
7.) Do you talk to your old friends? I do.  A lot!
8.) How many piercings do you have: 9
9.) How many tattoos?: 4
10.) What kind of car do you have? Honda Element
11.) Has your heart been broken? it is very broken!
12.) Are you Single/Taken/Married/Divorce? Divorced!

Naked Jen's Delicious Revenge on Brangelina!

So very many of you sent me a link to this article today that I had to just post it.  It's rather flattering to me, honestly, that you all would immediately think that I could possibly have something to do with Brad and Angelina and their very oh so important lives.

Of course, we all know it COULD happen.  Just not yet...

But Is It Still Fashion?

Okay, having naked models in your fashion magazine spreads is certainly one way of dealing with the recession.  I'm not going to stand up and say, "Put some clothes on those women!" because, well, that would certainly be a tad hypocritical.  However, I am not sure that fashion magazines featuring naked women are really doing FASHION or our own self-images any favours.  I mean this in all sincerity.

In one of my past lives, I was an assistant buyer for a high-end women's boutique in Washington, D.C.  We primarily featured up and coming designers in our store that the forward-thinking women of Washington (trust me, they exist!) were unable to find in other places they were shopping.  My days working there were before the advent of the Internet explosion that allowed all of us to discover and purchase fun and exciting clothes with just the click of a mouse.  Frankly, for me, purchasing clothes over the internet is not something I do very often.  I'm such a tactile person and so damn choosy about the clothes that I do wear that I need to really touch and feel them to make sure they're as "good" as they seem.  Plus, let's face it, I'm not exactly your average woman.  So it helps if I can truly try on things before I purchase them to make sure they really do fit!

But back to these naked fashion models in fashion magazines.  As I said, I'm not sure how they're truly helping the fashion industry?  Yes, certainly they're evocative.  I'm sure it's helping to sell more magazines.  But if you're not featuring the actual clothes and the fabulous designers who made them then are you still a fashion magazine? 

I'm pretty confident that the advertisers in the magazines are still featuring clothes.  Or at least purses and perfume (I rarely buy these magazines myself because the perfume ads make me nauseous) and make-up, but again, it feels like if you're going to be selling yourself as a fashion magazine to your readers, you should be featuring fashion.  Finally, and we all know I'm going to say this, let's get some models beyond the gamine to feature.  If it's a naked model who knows all about fashion that these magazines want to feature, I volunteer!  Har!  We all know they'd never hire me.  And that's my final point.  By removing the clothes from these models who have bodies that 85% of the women in this country can never hope to have, these magazine publishers are further perpetuating the hurt and disdain that so many women already have for their own bodies.

Of course they don't have to look.  They don't have to buy it.  They can remind themselves that these are models.  However (and I can't believe I'm saying this) I think it might be better for our collective mental and physical health for fashion magazines to keep the clothes on and leave the mystery of naked bodies to our imagination.

Just a thought.

P.S.  Speaking of fashion...goddess I love this!  It's made entirely from pages of a phone book.  And oh how I would love to own it.  When fashion intersects art, those are my most favorite moments of all!

In Memoriam: Bettie Page

Long before there was ever a Nakedjen, there was Bettie Page.  She made being naked "cool".  At least for me she did.  And she was married to one of my relatives.  Uncle Billy Neal.  The Navy Man. 

Hugh Heffner said about her, "I think that she was a remarkable lady, an iconic figure in pop culture who influenced sexuality, taste in fashion, someone who had a tremendous impact on our society ... She was a very dear person."

Indeed.

Thank you, Bettie.  For making it okay for me to, well, be me