There are lots of thoughts that have been swirling around in my brain this week. How about a list?
1. The mother of those 8 tiny babies. I know that many of us have very strong opinions about her and about the choices that she has made. My concern, honestly, is about the welfare of all 14 of her children. I'm concerned how she's going to be able to actually truly mother them as a single parent. This is not me saying that a single mother isn't capable. This is me being realistic about what it truly takes to care for 8 infants all at the same time. Add to that equation 6 other children, 3 of whom have special needs and, well, it's a lot to ask of one person. Even Mother Theresa had lots of help caring for all those children in her orphanages!
As a doula and a nanny, my heart just wants to help all those children and their mother. There is a lot of ill-will being directed at all of them and that just breaks my heart. What good does that serve? I wrote about it last night on Facebook:
it serves no purpose at all to be angry at or to hate the mother of
those babies. i mean, seriously. how is that helping the planet? what
does your anger get you? besides perhaps high blood pressure and a
shorter life span for yourself? huh??
it amazes me, honestly, how many people i have "read" who have actually said, "i hate her" or "she makes me so angry". why???
it is certainly a decision i would have never made for myself. but you
know what? i am not her. and neither is ANYONE else. absolutely no one
else can stand in that woman's shoes. no one.
of course we can stand in our own imperfect shoes (because, let's face
it, none of us are perfect) and perhaps question why she might make
this decision, but to pepper those questions with hatred and to poke
fun at her just is so mean-spirited that it just makes me feel even
sadder for the people that would do and say such things. what part of
your own life is so very sad and bad that you feel compelled to
actually point your own finger at this obviously challenged woman (and
her multiple children) and not only laugh but to also wag it in anger
and disgust and hate?
i want to believe that all of us, every single one of us that walks
with me on this planet, has more compassion and love in their hearts
than that. and i know i'm completely naive in that hope and wish. but
it is my biggest hope and wish.
yes, this is the doula in me talking here. the one who will take care
of babies that are not even mine because they're babies that deserve
love and compassion and tenderness and to be treasured and cherished
and celebrated.
yes, this is the nanny talking here. the one who will absolutely get up
in the middle of the night and take care of your kids when they have
nightmares because you're too tired to do it, the one who will teach
your children to love the planet, to cherish their own bodies, to treat
all beings with love and to wake up each morning excited to embrace a
new day.
and yes, this is nakedjen talking. who gets literally thousands of
emails a day. a lot of them full of hate. who answers every single one
of them in a positive and hopeful way. hoping that by answering hate
with love, she might just be able to change the world.
life is precious. we do not have time to waste it hating others.
really. if a woman who has given birth to 14 children really is causing
you to hate her, i worry about your own capacity to truly love.
2. Speaking of Facebook, there is a new application available to the users of Facebook that I feel provides us with some food for thought. True Scoop allows you to search, for free, all the public records associated with anyone on your friends list in Facebook. Not only that, but you can publish what you find. This is a point where technology has given us a tool and I have to wonder..."Just because we can, should we?" When one of our "friends" pisses us off, are we going to broadcast to our entire network that they've got a DUI or are a sex-offender or have embezzled millions from their previous employer? Gah.
Interestingly, I did a search using the tool for myself and found that my own felony misdemeanor that I thought had been expunged is still very much present! Which means, gah, I need to speak to the folks in Santa Cruz and find out why exactly they still have it on their books. For the very curious among you, I was arrested (YES ARRESTED) for walking the dogs on the beach without a leash. In Santa Cruz, this is a felony misdemeanor. I went to court (at a cost to me of $1200) and had the charges dismissed. Or so I thought. This is why I'll be contacting them to find out why it is appearing using this True Scoop tool.
3. Another dear friend wrote me and asked if I was going on tour with
the Grateful Dead. Here is exactly what I wrote back to him.
Here's how I feel about this. It's not the Dead as I know them, you
know? There's no Jerry. While I know that Jerry is not the entire
band, he was the lead guitarist and one of the lead vocalists and
songwriters and quite frankly when he played and sang his own songs,
well, that was a joyful experience for me.
Seeing them without him is like seeing a really good orchestra
without the wind section. And it makes you wonder why you came?
Also...this part is just as important to me...the cost of tickets is
rather steep. And this is just me being me, but as someone who
traveled with them for all those years and saw all those shows and
never (and this is the truth) paid more than $25 to see a single one,
paying anything more than that feels a bit insane!
On the other hand, there's a part of me that feels like throwing
the dogs in the car and going on tour. Because I can. Making some
cookies, selling them in the parking lot, getting miracle tickets at
all the venues. But then I thought, "I've been there. I've done
that. I can't go back..."
And I probably should keep those memories sacred. They're awesome
memories. I know myself. I'll find myself trying to compare NOW to
THEN even though I also know that I shouldn't do that at all. But I
will. I am a deadhead. All the way through. We're damn picky and
choosy about our music. I'll be at every show waiting, hoping, praying
for that moment when I have an orgasm from the music. I don't think it
will actually come. So I'll be setting myself up for disappointment.
And a longing for what once was.
They were a fantastic band. Individually, they are still great
musicians. However, I can't go see them as The Dead. I just can't.
There's a happy place in my heart where they live. I want it to stay
happy.
I am still rather torn, I'll admit. Tour starts in April. I could
easily go. I'm at a point in my life where I really can do it. With
both dogs, even! If you were me, what would you do? I mean that most
sincerely. I'm looking for honest answers.
4. It's Single's Awareness Day today. Or so I was told yesterday. Am I supposed to be SAD today? Because I am definitely single. For the first time in ten years, I'm very much single today. I am also a tad melancholy. This has nothing to do, honestly, with the fact that it is Valentine's Day. I haven't been one to really observe Valentine's Day so much. I know it's a forced Hallmark Holiday that is about selling more cards and chocolate and expensive dinners and roses. I am one to certainly tell people, all people, that I love them every single day and not just because it happens to be the 14th day of the second month of the year.
But I've been melancholy because I've been, well, a tad lonely. Sundance always provides me with a huge distraction. I spent most of November in Santa Cruz, if we remember. December and January were just completely absorbed by Sundance. Completely. But now, well, now it is February. The days are still cold and dark and short. We have snow falling from the sky. I am working a multitude of jobs (and in this economy I am not complaining that I am working a multitude of jobs) which require me to get up at 5:30 a.m. each day in order to be my most productive. However, it also means that I'm, well, yes, I'm lonely. I don't necessarily want a man in my life, if that makes any sense at all? I just want a man in my life! I know, totally makes no sense.
When I mentioned this to a friend, she told me all I had to do was raise an eyebrow on this blog and of course I'd have loads of attention from men. While that may be true, those men do not live in Salt Lake. That's the rub, really. Salt Lake. I am not going to bash Salt Lake, here. I actually do feel that living here is good for me in a variety of ways.
I just don't want to be celebrating Single Awareness Day. I would like to just celebrate Saturday! With someone, perhaps of the male human variety, who wants to celebrate every and all Saturdays with me. If you're so inclined, please feel free to inquire within!
5. Finally, two pictures. From Robin's visit. I'm grateful that I was blessed in this life with two really amazing sisters. Our family dynamic certainly is fodder for pretty dramas on some days, but we love each other fiercely and I can honestly say that I would not be who I am if I had not grown up with them!

