nakedjen

Brother, Can You Spare a Car??

Calling out to my Santa Cruz Peeps and those of you in the Bay Area...

Last night, one of our guerillas had their car stolen.  Actually, it was our car.  Someone stole our motha fuckin car. 

Sorry to trouble y'all about this, but I think given the energy, creativity, and tenaciousness of our Guerilla Drive-In audience, you might be able to help track down our car.  This is our only non-hooptie that works reliably, so your help finding it will be so gratefully appreciated.

It was stolen last night about 8pm from the Saturn Cafe parking lot.  It was an utterly generic late-model car, but had some things that make it easy to spot. 

Mitsubishi Lancer
2001 or so
Silver color
Broken right-side tail light
Dented rear left quarter panel
A dink in the middle of the windowsill

Last seen with a bike rack on the back
and a stuffed turtle on the dashboard.

Wes

PS You don't by any chance have a reliable car you want to loan or donate to us, eh?

Did You Fall From A Shooting Star?

Remember when Ally McBeal encouraged all of us to have a theme song?  She chose "Tell Him" as her theme song.  I don't think I've shared with all of you that long before I fell in love with The Gilmore Girls, I was a huge Ally McBeal fan.  And when Robert Downey, Jr. joined the cast I fell in love with him all over again and remembered just why it is that I have a "thing" for the bad boys. 

I don't think I ever shared here that I had such a passion for Ally and the creator of her show, the brilliance of a man who could write both The Practice (another Boston legal drama) and Ally McBeal all at the same time that I wrote a letter to David Kelley and told him that I would leave my job as the VP of Marketing just to make him coffee if he would only have me.  I was absolutely serious. 

I'm sure that letter probably became another letter in my very thick FBI file.  Pfft.

What David Kelley and his shows did for the careers of Barry White and Vonda Shepard and, yes, even Robert Downey, Jr. he wasn't prepared to do for me.  (I was even hoping to have Barry White, THE BARRY WHITE, sing me down the aisle with my then theme song at our wedding.  We called, he was a bit rich.  A girl can dream...) It's okay.  I obviously have turned out all right.  So's he.

Anyway, since way back in the 90's I've been finding "theme songs" for my life.  They change.  We all know that for way too long the soundtrack of my life was peppered with harmonies of the Grateful Dead and very little else.  But I'm happy to share that once Jerry died my musical tastes really did expand.  A lot.  I'm a deadhead, remember.  I can truly appreciate very good music.

That was a really long way of saying, here's my current theme song. 

What's your current theme song?  It's good to have one, you know.  Especially in times like these.  You might notice that all my theme songs have a common thread....I suppose the more I change the more I stay the same.

Seriously??

Dear State of Utah Legislature,

I know, I know.  You want to be the good guys.  You want to make Utah a more attractive state to those who might be thinking about possibly visiting or, gasp, even moving here.  I'll be truthful and let you know that I would not have moved here were my circumstances not so very DIRE AND HORRIBLE 18 months ago and if I had been thinking clearly. 

However, it is not your quirky liquor laws that would have kept me away.  Not at all.  Those, quite frankly, I can really abide.  They do not make me roll my eyes and go, "WHAT THE FUCK?"

What does make me roll my eyes and go "WHAT THE FUCK?" is your continued neglect and abuse of Gays and Lesbians and Transgendered folks.  Yes, abuse. 

It is rather unconscionable to allow laws to be in place in 2009 (please do note the year!) in the United States of America that will allow a person to lose his or her job or his or her home or his or her chosen family and health insurance just because he or she chooses to love someone of the same sex.

"Adoption is not a right, it's a privilege. Those who choose alternative lifestyles suffer the consequences because they can't naturally produce between them," said Rep. Stephen Sandstrom, R-Orem, who joined a 5-1 vote to defeat HB288. "Heterosexual couples who cohabit also face consequences because they choose not to marry."

In what part of your hearts is this okay?  Which part, really?  I would like to know because there is no part of my own heart that would allow for such horrible crimes.

I want to remind each and every one of you that while you like to check in with the "CHURCH" before you make rulings and legislation in this state to "make sure it is okay" by doing so you're ignoring nearly 50% of the population of this state and THEIR very core values.  I understand, I do, that this state was founded by the Mormon leaders. 

However, when Utah decided to become a state in the United States of America, it also agreed to abide by the larger Constitution.  The one that provides for a very clear separation between Church and State.  The very same Constitution that allows the Mormon Church all those mega tax benefits.  If the Mormon Church wants to play a governing role in this state, well then, they should perhaps consider paying all of us (not just their members) with proper government services and benefits. 

I realize that I am no longer living in California.  I miss it dearly, we all know.  However, as long as I am a tax-paying and contributing citizen of Utah, please let my voice be heard. 

Stop blatant discrimination.  Please.  It is hurtful, it is hateful and it is making Utah far more ugly than the silly liquor laws.

Think about it.

You Have To Use Your Words

I'm trying.  I really am.  However, the gremlins in my head are snatching all my words, mixing them up, making me incoherent.   I am having difficulty completing a thought. 

Just one thought.  I want to be able to complete just.one.thought.  Please.

My heart is beating outside my chest these days.  My soul wishes it was snuggled in a far off land. 

I have words.  Lots of words. 

But how best to use them?

Sammy Snow Man

Remember when these two said "I do" and "Jah"?

Now they've off sprung.  The perfect and lovely angelic Sam has joined us all on the planet.  

Michael writes and wants to know "Is it wrong to use an 8 week old baby as a snow angel? Or chuck snow balls at your wife whilst standing next to an 8 week old baby, knowing full well she won’t throw back in case she hits him?" 


My favorite, of course, is the real snow angel.  Such adorable cuteness.  I have to get home to London and squeeze him.  I just do.  Now.   Sam needs to know his auntie Naked!

 

Swirling Snowy Stuff

There are lots of thoughts that have been swirling around in my brain this week.  How about a list?

1.  The mother of those 8 tiny babies.  I know that many of us have very strong opinions about her and about the choices that she has made.  My concern, honestly, is about the welfare of all 14 of her children.  I'm concerned how she's going to be able to actually truly mother them as a single parent.  This is not me saying that a single mother isn't capable.  This is me being realistic about what it truly takes to care for 8 infants all at the same time.  Add to that equation 6 other children, 3 of whom have special needs and, well, it's a lot to ask of one person.  Even Mother Theresa had lots of help caring for all those children in her orphanages! 

As a doula and a nanny, my heart just wants to help all those children and their mother.  There is a lot of ill-will being directed at all of them and that just breaks my heart.  What good does that serve?  I wrote about it last night on Facebook:

it serves no purpose at all to be angry at or to hate the mother of those babies. i mean, seriously. how is that helping the planet? what does your anger get you? besides perhaps high blood pressure and a shorter life span for yourself? huh??

it amazes me, honestly, how many people i have "read" who have actually said, "i hate her" or "she makes me so angry". why???

it is certainly a decision i would have never made for myself. but you know what? i am not her. and neither is ANYONE else. absolutely no one else can stand in that woman's shoes. no one.

of course we can stand in our own imperfect shoes (because, let's face it, none of us are perfect) and perhaps question why she might make this decision, but to pepper those questions with hatred and to poke fun at her just is so mean-spirited that it just makes me feel even sadder for the people that would do and say such things. what part of your own life is so very sad and bad that you feel compelled to actually point your own finger at this obviously challenged woman (and her multiple children) and not only laugh but to also wag it in anger and disgust and hate?

i want to believe that all of us, every single one of us that walks with me on this planet, has more compassion and love in their hearts than that. and i know i'm completely naive in that hope and wish. but it is my biggest hope and wish.

yes, this is the doula in me talking here. the one who will take care of babies that are not even mine because they're babies that deserve love and compassion and tenderness and to be treasured and cherished and celebrated.

yes, this is the nanny talking here. the one who will absolutely get up in the middle of the night and take care of your kids when they have nightmares because you're too tired to do it, the one who will teach your children to love the planet, to cherish their own bodies, to treat all beings with love and to wake up each morning excited to embrace a new day.

and yes, this is nakedjen talking. who gets literally thousands of emails a day. a lot of them full of hate. who answers every single one of them in a positive and hopeful way. hoping that by answering hate with love, she might just be able to change the world.

life is precious. we do not have time to waste it hating others. really. if a woman who has given birth to 14 children really is causing you to hate her, i worry about your own capacity to truly love.

2.  Speaking of Facebook, there is a new application available to the users of Facebook that I feel provides us with some food for thought.  True Scoop allows you to search, for free, all the public records associated with anyone on your friends list in Facebook.  Not only that, but you can publish what you find.  This is a point where technology has given us a tool and I have to wonder..."Just because we can, should we?"  When one of our "friends" pisses us off, are we going to broadcast to our entire network that they've got a DUI or are a sex-offender or have embezzled millions from their previous employer?  Gah.

Interestingly, I did a search using the tool for myself and found that my own felony misdemeanor that I thought had been expunged is still very much present!  Which means, gah, I need to speak to the folks in Santa Cruz and find out why exactly they still have it on their books.  For the very curious among you, I was arrested (YES ARRESTED) for walking the dogs on the beach without a leash.  In Santa Cruz, this is a felony misdemeanor.  I went to court (at a cost to me of $1200)  and had the charges dismissed.  Or so I thought.  This is why I'll be contacting them to find out why it is appearing using this True Scoop tool.

3.  Another dear friend wrote me and asked if I was going on tour with the Grateful Dead.  Here is exactly what I wrote back to him. 

Here's how I feel about this.  It's not the Dead as I know them, you know?  There's no Jerry.  While I know that Jerry is not the entire band, he was the lead guitarist and one of the lead vocalists and songwriters and quite frankly when he played and sang his own songs, well, that was a joyful experience for me. 

Seeing them without him is like seeing a really good orchestra without the wind section.  And it makes you wonder why you came?  Also...this part is just as important to me...the cost of tickets is rather steep.  And this is just me being me, but as someone who traveled with them for all those years and saw all those shows and never (and this is the truth) paid more than $25 to see a single one, paying anything more than that feels a bit insane! 

On the other hand, there's a part of me that feels like throwing the dogs in the car and going on tour.  Because I can.  Making some cookies, selling them in the parking lot, getting miracle tickets at all the venues.  But then I thought, "I've been there.  I've done that.  I can't go back..."

And I probably should keep those memories sacred.  They're awesome memories.  I know myself.  I'll find myself trying to compare NOW to THEN even though I also know that I shouldn't do that at all.  But I will.  I am a deadhead.  All the way through.  We're damn picky and choosy about our music.  I'll be at every show waiting, hoping, praying for that moment when I have an orgasm from the music.  I don't think it will actually come.  So I'll be setting myself up for disappointment.  And a longing for what once was.

They were a fantastic band.  Individually, they are still great musicians.  However, I can't go see them as The Dead.  I just can't.  There's a happy place in my heart where they live.  I want it to stay happy.

I am still rather torn, I'll admit.  Tour starts in April.  I could easily go.  I'm at a point in my life where I really can do it.  With both dogs, even!  If you were me, what would you do?  I mean that most sincerely.  I'm looking for honest answers.

4.  It's Single's Awareness Day today.  Or so I was told yesterday.  Am I supposed to be SAD today?  Because I am definitely single.  For the first time in ten years, I'm very much single today.  I am also a tad melancholy.  This has nothing to do, honestly, with the fact that it is Valentine's Day.  I haven't been one to really observe Valentine's Day so much.  I know it's a forced Hallmark Holiday that is about selling more cards and chocolate and expensive dinners and roses.  I am one to certainly tell people, all people, that I love them every single day and not just because it happens to be the 14th day of the second month of the year. 

But I've been melancholy because I've been, well, a tad lonely.  Sundance always provides me with a huge distraction.  I spent most of November in Santa Cruz, if we remember.  December and January were just completely absorbed by Sundance.  Completely.  But now, well, now it is February.  The days are still cold and dark and short.  We have snow falling from the sky.  I am working a multitude of jobs (and in this economy I am not complaining that I am working a multitude of jobs) which require me to get up at 5:30 a.m. each day in order to be my most productive.  However, it also means that I'm, well, yes, I'm lonely.  I don't necessarily want a man in my life, if that makes any sense at all?  I just want a man in my life!  I know, totally makes no sense. 

When I mentioned this to a friend, she told me all I had to do was raise an eyebrow on this blog and of course I'd have loads of attention from men.  While that may be true, those men do not live in Salt Lake.  That's the rub, really.  Salt Lake.  I am not going to bash Salt Lake, here.  I actually do feel that living here is good for me in a variety of ways. 

I just don't want to be celebrating Single Awareness Day.   I would like to just celebrate Saturday!  With someone, perhaps of the male human variety, who wants to celebrate every and all Saturdays with me.  If you're so inclined, please feel free to inquire within!

5.  Finally, two pictures.  From Robin's visit.  I'm grateful that I was blessed in this life with two really amazing sisters.  Our family dynamic certainly is fodder for pretty dramas on some days, but we love each other fiercely and I can honestly say that I would not be who I am if I had not grown up with them!

 

Enforced Divorce Is Simply Not An Option

I think we all know how I feel about this.  If you don't know, I'll just tell you I am 100% in support of all marriage.  All marriage.  I believe if two consenting humans wish to marry and receive the benefits (and trappings) that come with that consensual contract, they should be allowed to do so, regardless of their sexual identity, their race, or their religious creed.  Period.

"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.

Please go sign the petition.  Enforced divorce is simply not an option.  It just is not.

You Really Can Not Make This Up!

HalfNakedRobin arrived today from North Carolina.  She's visiting for a week.  Of course to get here she had to get up at 2:30 a.m. this morning EST in order to ensure that she would be at the airport in time to board Greyhound of the Skies (as she likes to call it) and start puddle jumping her way across America toward snowy Utah. 

She called me when she arrived in Denver and was so enamored with the Denver Airport that I was unsure whether or not she'd actually get back on the plane to continue with her trip to Utah.  She actually was shopping at the Denver airport and contemplating buying tourist souvenirs but then reminded herself that you really should only purchase those if you've actually visited the city of Denver, not just the airport!

She arrived here ready to chew her own arm off.  In her words, she was critically hungry.  A crisis situation.  We had to drive directly to Whole Foods as fast as the car could possibly go.  I'm not even sure that was quite fast enough. 

Once fed, she was in much better spirits (this has always been the case with HalfNakedRobin and is something for all future paramours to keep well in mind).  Her sense of time is all screwed up though and she has no idea what time it is or even what day it is.  Should I be worried?

She is currently resting on the couch.  She just called out and asked me to please put the kettle on for her.  Before I could even ask her what kind of tea she would like she informed me that she brought her own tea with her.  I could find it in her purse. 

Her own tea.  With her.  From North Carolina.

I own an organic tea company.  OWN.  But HalfNakedRobin brings her own tea to visit me.  It's a good thing I really love her or I would be terribly offended.

25 Things You Really Do Not Need To Know

I'm putting this meme here.  It's going on both my profiles on Facebook, too.  Yes, both.  The powers that be on Facebook gave me back all my data for my Nakedjen account.  But they renamed it Jennifer Neal.  This was after they had already told me that it had been obliterated because I was a PRODUCT.  Then late last night they miraculously resurrected it (like Jesus!) from the ashes of some dead server and there it was along with all my friends and family.  The problem is, honestly, that the majority of those friends have absolutely no idea who Jennifer Neal is and really and truly know me only as Nakedjen. 

However, the name Nakedjen in any format is BANNED on Facebook.  Interesting, huh?  I couldn't even make a product page or fan page now if I wanted to do so.  I'm still trying to talk with them about all of this.  While I'm grateful they returned my data to me and my account is no longer suspended, I'd still like to be on the service as myself. 

Meanwhile, that thing that everyone else is doing.  I think I've been tagged about 25 times.  So here it is.

1.    I am dyslexic.  I have no idea what is right or what is left.  Still.  No matter how hard I try to teach myself, I can not figure it out.  This is only problematic when I’m trying to give someone else driving directions.  I always tell them to turn Left and when they do, I’ll shout, “No, the other left!”
2.    I have attended over 1,000 Grateful Dead concerts.  This used to be something that really mattered to me.  Now I wonder what else I might actually be had I not spent all those hours following them around?
3.    I used to suffer from what I referred to as the Big White Dress syndrome.  I cured myself of that syndrome by wearing a white dress and having a big fat wedding.  Phew.
4.    I have no desire to wear a white dress and have a wedding ever again.  In other words, I got married.   Now I don’t need to do it again.
5.    I also got divorced.  I have no desire to ever do that again, either.
6.    I still do believe in love that will knock your socks off.  I really do.
7.    I tolerate most things, but I have a very low tolerance for blatant stupidity.
8.    I am allergic to avocados. 
9.    I am highly sensitive to pharmaceuticals.  I take fairy dust doses of drugs and have the same reaction that others will have on ten times as much.
10.    I believe in fairies.  I could see them when I was a child.  I could also hear flowers say “ouch” when you picked them.  It is why I do not like cut flowers.
11.    I have a guardian angel.  His name is Harry the Fairy.  He’s been around since I was two.  He’s quite handy. 
12.    After my brain surgery (and dying) I really do try to live my life without regrets.  This is a terribly difficult thing to do.  I have many.
13.    I eat only organics whenever possible.  I’m rather neurotic about it. I wish that I could be less so, but knowing what I know about pesticides makes me insist upon organic food.
14.    I laugh really loudly.  People tell me my laugh is infectious.
15.    For as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to be a writer.  I wrote my first book when I was four.  It was about Abraham Lincoln.
16.    I feel the most at home when I am in London.  I know I have lived there before because I never get lost in that city.  I have a weird spidey sense when I am there and always know exactly where I am.
17.    I cry every time I go to Maui.  I think it is my other home.
18.    I miss Santa Cruz every single day.  Every.single.one. 
19.    I think it is good that I miss Santa Cruz.  It makes it more special whenever I get to go back there.
20.    I always said that I wanted to be famous just for being me.  Now that I am, I wonder if that’s really what I wanted?
21.    I have been taking my clothes off, in public, since childhood.  I guess some of us never grow out of that “phase” or at least I have not.  I really do love being naked.  I am truly comfortable in my own body.  And often forget that I am even naked!
22.    I never ever wear make-up.  Except for maybe on Halloween.  I can not stand the way it feels on my face.  It is like wearing a mask to me.
23.    I get death threats because of the way I trim (or not) my pubic hairs.  I wish I was making that up.
24.    I am an activist.  For lots of things.  But primarily for the planet, for our health, for our dogs and for our food.
25.    I gave up all sugar on New Year’s Day.  I miss eating yummy chocolate things the most.

I Guess The Word Naked Is Pornographic Now

I mentioned yesterday that we are increasingly becoming a society that lives our lives in public.  Social networks like MySpace and Twitter and the ever popular Facebook allow us to connect in quick and simple ways to all our friends (and sometimes not our friends) and find out with nothing more than click of our mouse (no more telephone calls or long, loving, hand-written letters!) and a glance at our computer screen (during work hours, no less) how everyone in our social circle is doing.  Or not.

I have actually been a member of Facebook since its inception.  This is because the boys who created Facebook were also funded by Draper, Fisher, Jurvetson in their earliest days and so was the company that I was working for at the same time.  As such we were all moving in the very same small little circles in Silicon Valley and I signed up more as a favor than for any other reason.  I already had my blog and was already part of Linked-In.  I really didn't feel I needed to belong to yet another Social Network.  However, again, there was the whole DFJ connection and I was being nice.

I signed up as Nakedjen.  I made friends and connections as Nakedjen.  It follows that I would be Nakedjen on Facebook as I am on every other social networking platform because Nakedjen is my name.  It is not because I am a porn star.  It is not because I am trying to attract the notice of the porn industry.  It is not because I am single and hoping to find a naked boyfriend.  No, again, it is simply because my name is and has been for quite some time, Nakedjen.

Last night I received an irate (no honestly it was really irate) phone call from Half Naked Robin asking me why I had deleted her from my friends list on Facebook?  She also wanted to know why I had blocked her from even SEEING me on the service?  Where had I gone and did I really think this was fair since she is, after all, my very own sister? 

I had no idea what she was even talking about.  To be honest and truthful, I haven't been an uber user of Facebook.  I do use it, but mostly to keep in touch with the myriad of folks from both my present and my past who do like to use all its various fun functions.  I am definitely more of a casual user and sign on, at most, about two or three times a week to see what everyone has been doing and to catch up.  Not all the folks in my life are avid bloggers (like me) so this is my way to stay in contact.  If there's anything of importance, I email or even call to catch up more personally.  Yes, I admit it, I'm old school!  I know that's all so last century.

I told Half Naked Robin that there was probably just some small glitch in the system and that perhaps the site was down for maintenance and that's why she couldn't find me or access my page.  I told her I'd log on and see what was what, but I was certain it was probably just a Mercury Retrograde issue and all would be well.

All was definitely not well.

Facebook obliterated Nakedjen.

Obliterated.  Deleted.  Made me disappear. 

And they did it without any warning or even a simple email telling me that I had done something wrong.

My email to them asking what I might have done to cause such a brutal outcome was just met with an automatic reply telling me that I must be in violation of the TOS and to read it carefully.

Which I did.  Every single word.  Carefully.  There is absolutely no term or stipulation that I even came close to violating other than that my name is Nakedjen.  However, as I mentioned, that is MY name.  And it has been my name on Facebook since day one.  The email that I used for the service is even nakedjen@nakedjen.com  Could I be more clear or obvious?  I don't think so.

What I also learned, while reading each and every word carefully, is that my account on Facebook is at will and can be terminated by Facebook at any time for any reason they deem "reasonable."  Basically, our accounts are being hosted for free on their servers.  So this actually does make sense.  If someone in their offices wakes up today and decides that the word Naked is pornographic or even just decides that my photo of Buddha wearing a ski cap is offensive, that person can just hit the delete button and bye bye Nakedjen.

In addition, all content that is published by me (or anyone else) including photos, blog posts, and videos becomes the property of Facebook.  You may own it, but so do they because they are now hosting it on their servers and they have claimed rights to it in their TOS. 

I have written to the powers that be at Facebook to ask for clarification about the obliteration of Nakedjen from their service.  I would like a more concrete answer from them than just READ THE TOS.  That is too pat and too easy.  I want to know what really happened, what was their issue, who was responsible. 

I may never know because the folks at Facebook are not compelled to answer me.  However, they may be compelled to answer many of us.  So if you'd like to know why Nakedjen was removed from Facebook, I encourage you to write to them and also ask. 

This is a lesson in our digital rights and freedoms.  I know it may seem like a trivial thing.  A Facebook profile being deleted because I call myself Nakedjen.  However, if they can obliterate me (and my entire group of friends and family and all my files) just because I have Naked in my name, how long before they obliterate you because your name vaguely sounds Islamic?  Or Muslim?  Or even just American?

Think about it.

As the conversation about all of this has continued....

Adding this link and this link.  The first is Scoble's interview with Facebook CEO, Mark Zuckerberg at Davos this week.  The second is a really good article about why we should really "think" about our dependence on platforms like Facebook and Twitter.

Meanwhile, I want all of you to know that I have heard from Facebook.  According to them, my profile was obliterated because I am a PRODUCT and not a real person.  Of course no one from Facebook actually checked with me before the obliteration.  It had nothing to do with my name being Naked Jen. (A check of the Facebook database will quickly reveal that there are currently over 500 people using NAKED in their name!)  They falsely assumed that Naked Jen was a product and belonged in the product pages and not the personal pages.  However, we all know, especially those of you reading, that Naked Jen is a person.  A real person.  My request to reinstate my profile because I am a real person and not a product have fallen on now deaf ears.  I am still requesting that my profile be reinstated. 

I am Naked Jen.  Naked Jen is me.  And I assure you, I am not for sale.