How is everyone? Everyone okay? Are we all still breathing? Is everyone still solvent? Money socked away for a rainy day? I suggest you stuff it in your mattress. Only safe place these days.
The news has my head spinning. I don't know, honestly, if I can bother even listening to NPR anymore. I just want to hear about nice things happening. Good things. Exciting things that are positive, you know?
Last night I was chatting on the phone with Dave Winer and he said that I laugh a lot. It's true. I do laugh a lot. I told him that as long as you're still laughing, well, things can't really be that bad, can they?
Laughter really is good medicine.
Which is something I needed to remember later that evening.
In a moment of not so clear thinking I actually got "take-out" food last night for dinner. I have not had take out food for dinner in ages because I have been religiously cleansing my body since March 1. It is really important to occasionally cleanse our bodies, to give them a chance to set themselves back to center, to clean out the toxins and start fresh. Spring is always a great time to do this.
As we all know, I gave up sugar on January 1 and I have not looked back. This, honestly, has been a godsend for me. Sugar makes me batty. I'm already manic and sugar just adds fuel to the mania. Without sugar, my rollercoaster ride through life is far more pleasant. It's still a rollercoaster, do not get me wrong, but I don't tend to lose my stomach or bang my head nearly as much!
On March 1, I embarked on a super duper cleanse. This included a diet of whole, organic foods, mostly raw, and a special fiber mix that I took twice a day. I created the special fiber mix and it really is mostly herbs and flax and a few other things that scrub your colon.
It's now March 24. So I've been doing the cleanse for 24 days. Last night, I was tired. I was hungry. I thought, well, I'll just get some Mexican food from one of my favorite places. No.big.deal.
Except it was a big deal. It should not have been a big deal, but it was. And it wasn't because I've spent the last three weeks cleansing my body. I know what you're thinking. That all that pure living set me up to have a horrible allergic reaction to "junk food".
No, it really wasn't that.
It was the avocado.
I'm really and truly allergic to avocado. Deathly allergic to avocado. And somehow, though I specified and told them I'm deathly allergic, there was a miscommunication, because there was avocado lurking in my burrito bowl last night.
I spent most of the night praying to all the fairies that I could conjure up that I would live. I also spent most of the night contemplating the wisdom of living a single life in Utah with two furry black dogs who are incapable of being taught how to dial 911. I had visions that I'd die and it would take the dogs ceaseless mournful howls to alert the neighbors that perhaps they might want to check and see if something was amiss?
Because I am me, I also then started to fret that the house wasn't as tidy as it should perhaps be should the neighbors come over to discover my dead by avocado naked body. I actually contemplated getting up and dealing with the recycling pile and the dishes in the sink so they would come into a "clean" house. Do you know what this crazy person also contemplated?
No, not to actually dial 911 because I was going to die! No, of course not.
I contemplated cooking the dogs their breakfast. So that whomever did come in and discover my dead by avocado naked body could feed the mournful puppies.
Clearly what I need is a trip to the University's mental ward and not to their Emergency Room. I mean, honestly, you tell me, please. What kind of person lies prone on her bathroom floor, naked, certain she's going to die by avocado and then thinks, "Oh, the house is a mess. The dogs need to be fed. I need to take care of these things before I die!"??? Someone has been taking drama lessons from Stella, I think.
When I shared tidbits of this story with my own Mother this morning (who had called in a panic last night because the Food Network didn't seem to be airing the story about The Honest Kitchen and I had to call her back RIGHT AWAY! which I did this morning because we all know that calling me and leaving an urgent message works about as well as calling Santa Claus and asking for a pink pony!) that there had been a very excellent chance of my impending death by avocado and wasn't she happy that she was instead talking to me and that I did not, in fact, die she actually said, "Jennifer, only the good die young. And you and I are NOT on that list!"
Well, then. Perhaps all of this worry is just over nothing.
