I stumbled across this earlier this week. I haven't been able to really stop thinking about it.
I do not mention in general conversation very often these days that I'm a deadhead. Of course, I am a deadhead, but those days of my life on the road with them almost feel like a magical dream at times. Also, it is just one facet of my life. Or who I am. Of how I might, if pressed, define myself.
Defining ourselves is always a huge challenge, I think. The stories that we tell ourselves and others, the bits of information we deign to share and acknowledge, the memories we cherish and the ones that are too terrible for light that are banished in dark closets, are still all there in our make-up and creating the person we present to the world. Every.single.day.
We can reinvent, we can move and shift and change, we can do whole personality and body makeovers, but the soul always remembers. I do think that at our core we each have a distinct knowing of who we are and what we would like to become. We will all, each of us, grow into the beautiful person that we're supposed to be, some earlier, some later.
I realized last night that I'm having a bit of trouble conforming to the constricts of my chosen life here in Utah. It is absolutely a choice and if I want to break free, to not be bound, it is up to me to do it. There's no one holding marionette strings that are somehow keeping me from being the most authentic me I want to be and if there are strings that are binding me, I do hold the very scissors that will slice them clean.
It's my very authenticity that feels stifled, actually. I really do know exactly who I am. At least for today and isn't that the best we can ask? That we wake up quite certain that we know who we are and that we go live our best possible day?
Here's to those fleeing moments of self-recognition and discovery. The ones that matter the most. The very ones that knock you over and remind you that you're fucking awesome and that there is really and truly only one you.
Live! Go be your very best you. No one else can take your place in this world. It's absolutely true. ♥
