nakedjen

25 or 6 to 4

A couple of Fridays ago, I entrusted the care and feeding of Buddha and Stella to someone other than myself (thank goddess for Alice, I'll say that right now) and I hopped on a jet plane and flitted away for what felt like, in all honesty, a few short hours with one of my very best friends in the entire universe who happens to now reside in Chicago.

We all may remember when she first lived as a hot sexy single person in Las Vegas.  And then as a hot sexy married woman in Tennessee who became the even hotter mother to two.  Now the whole family has moved to Chicago and I have to admit I think it's a good fit for all of them.

I haven't seen W in a year.  A year that was filled with some not so happy moments for me and a move for both of us, obviously.  In fact, the last time I saw her was just two weeks before the dreadful "I'm Done" Monday.  So we obviously had lots of girlfriend catching up that needed to be done.

And this is the part of the story where I'm going to positively gush about the wonder that is her husband.  He knew.  He just knew that what she needed and what I needed was a night of unadulterated special one on one girl time. 

R surprised us with a hotel room in downtown Chicago.  Not just any hotel room.  A room at the Intercontinental.  He also took the time to go there before we arrived and outfitted the room with fresh fruit (strawberries! raspberries! apples! oh my!!) and cheese (brie!!) and champagne and wine.  There was a gift card to Nordstrom.  There was a box of chocolates from Ethel M's.  There was so much love and goodness that I actually told R that I would gladly have sex with him I felt so very loved! 

W and I were just giddy with the goodness.  We drank.  We talked.  We giggled.  We drank some more.  We gabbed.  We laughed so hard that tears streamed down our cheeks. 

Eventually we decided that the Nordstrom gift card was going to possibly implode if we did not go SPEND IT RIGHT NOW THIS VERY MINUTE!!  So we walked across the street to the store and as quick as you can blink we each bought new adorable outfits (trust me, totally adorable!) and accessories even though the store was technically closed.  Remember, folks, this was Nordstrom.  They are never going to tell us we can't shop even if they are not really open! 

Flush with our fabulous purchases, we marched back across the street, dropped off our packages and then headed to one of Chicago's best Italian restaurants.  Where we may or may not have finished a complete bottle of wine between the two of us and decided that for the rest of the weekend all things that we couldn't remember would just be referred to as SHANE! 

The food was delicious, but what was even better, honestly, was just sitting there in the glow that is W and soaking all of it in.  I mean all of it.  I soaked and soaked and tried to have some of it rub off on my pale pasty Utah self. 

We eventually rolled out of there and back to our hotel where we yakked far into the night.  Let's face it, we were face to face.  We couldn't possibly let the few hours we had go to waste.  As much as we talk, there will always be more to say.  I don't think I'll ever run out of words to share with her.

The next day found us shopping some more together on Michigan Avenue (we are just the best shopping team!) and then R came and scooped us up with the two adorable mini W/R's in tow.  Gosh they've gotten so much bigger in just the year since I saw both of them last.  Bigger and more adorable!  Absolutely more adorable.

We headed to their new house in the Chicago burbs which really is so very close to downtown and spent the day just hanging and playing with the kids.  There may have been some serious rock and roll jamming going on for a while.  Eventually we all had to get ready to head to another restaurant to meet my Chicago boyfriend.

What, you all didn't know I had a Chicago boyfriend?  Of course you knew.  I haven't ever kept it a secret. 

My boyfriend, Ben, lives in Chicago.  I haven't seen him in over a year, either, and boy oh boy were we enchanted and happy to see one another.

 

Before I knew it, the dinner was over, I was hugging my boyfriend goodbye, and then it was morning, I was eating pancakes, trying on kids' boots and hopping on a plane back to Salt Lake!

WAY TOO SHORT! It's hard for me to decide who I love more?  Ben or his lovely and parents, Anna and Mike?  Honestly, the entire family just hold such special magical places in my heart.  Just as I consider W and R my family, I also consider Ben and his parents part of my family, too. 

But that's the thing about family, isn't it?  It isn't necessarily the one that you're born with, it's the one that you cultivate and collect over time.  The one that chooses you, as well.

Those people, those people who shared their lives with me for those very short hours that weekend in Chicago?

Those people are my family and I love them oh so very much.

My Angel's Name is Grace Davis!

  Marathoners! 
  Originally uploaded by GraceD.

There has been a lot of commentary over the last few days on this blog.  There has been a lot of back and forth and even some questioning about where I stand in all of this and why I haven't said anything in regard to the comments that have been made.

I have refrained from making any comment about the comments myself because, well, I consider all of you not only adults, but friends.  And I expect all of you to be able to work it out among yourselves and that you do not need me to monitor the playground.

I understand that the emotional outpouring I have shared over the last few days here on my blog has certainly provided a catalyst for many of you.  I know that there are buttons that are being pushed.  That there are those of you who have been through similar situations and have very passionate feelings or, yes, even wounds, about this very issue.  Or an issue quite similar.  Because, dear readers, let's face it.  Each of us must travel our own path and our experiences are all unique.  There may be very striking similarities, but my shoes do not fit the vast majority of you (of that I can be almost certain) and since my path is not your path, while my experience feels so very familiar and is bringing up long forgotten hurts for you, I must suffer my hurts just the same.

On Sunday, I chose to participate in the Nike Women's Marathon.  I chose to attempt to complete 26.2 miles in what I kept assuring myself was just a simple stroll around San Francisco.  Despite the horrific week I had had prior that had been composed of vomit and diarrhea and a visit to Urgent Care because I was certain I was going to off myself completely, I decided, no truthfully, I was determined to go to San Francisco and finish that marathon.  In my head, which I admit may have been warped thinking, if I didn't go and if I didn't finish, Dave won.  And I wasn't going to let Dave win. 

As my friend, Dr. Suz, and I were driving to San Francisco on Saturday afternoon, she informed me that she had emailed Grace Davis (of the comments) and asked her to come and meet us at the finish line of the race.  This was the first I had learned of this, so I immediately called Grace and asked her if it was true.  "Of course I will be there," Grace said.  "Malcolm and I will be there with the camera.  And flip flops and all kinds of things that you will need.  Do not worry.  I will be there." 

At that moment, I got quite teary.  I had Dr. Suz in my corner, but now I had Grace waiting for me at the finish.  With flip flops.  And other things I might need.  I had a support team.  I could do this.

We spent Saturday afternoon at the Nike Expo getting our "stuff and schwag" and then scouring Macy's of all places for some running socks.  I had brought running socks, but figured I needed "other" running socks.  I found some that were a tad cushier than those that I had brought and figured they would do.  With that purchase we headed over the Moscone Center for the Team In Training Pasta Party. 

Now people, let's remember that I have no eaten anything substantial since Monday when Dave dropped the bomb.  Nada.  I have been literally living on fumes and water.  I kept thinking that I must stay hydrated so I drank water and more water and more water.  At the pasta party dinner I ate pesto pasta and lots of vegetables.  And a banana.  And promptly redeposited it when we got to the hotel.  Oh well.  Surely some of it had stayed in my body, right? 

Dr. Suz and I pretty much went straight to bed since we had to be in the lobby to meet the Team in Training folks at 4:00 a.m.

3:30 a.m. came very quickly.  I awoke and was feeling okay.  Not great.  Not horrible.  I managed to eat one of my own home made power bars and then drank some home made electrolyte juice.  And I took my vitamins.  Because I always take my vitamins.  Got dressed and we headed for the lobby.

Our start was at 5:30 a.m.  It was dark.  It wasn't too cold.  But I wasn't awake.  At all.  I did quite a few sun salutations to try and warm my body up and stretch out all the muscle groups.  My body felt flexible.  It felt ready.  It felt good. 

So we started walking.  I honestly can tell you that I think I slept walked through the first five miles.  It wasn't until we hit the Presidio hill and the Elite runners were starting to pass us that I actually felt my body shift and I felt like I was "in" it.  Until then, I was somewhere way outside my body looking down.  Watching it.  Observing it.  And I was fighting nausea big time.  Every time we would stop at a port-a-potty (and we stopped quite frequently) I would throw up and then pee.  There was nothing to throw up, of course, but this biley liquid would come out and somehow I would feel just a tad better. 

When we got to Mile 6, the Presidio Hill, we were met by our coach, Denise.  She asked how we were doing?  I told her that I felt okay.  Not great, but okay.  She walked with us up the hill.  Honestly, the hill was not that bad.  All that worry over that hill?  We shouldn't have worried.  Dr. Suz and I chose to actually run down the other side of it to make up some time and that actually felt good, but soon after that I found myself needing another port-a-potty.  Vomit, pee, oh yeah.  From Mile 7 to Mile 9 seemed to take forever.  And it was on this very gentle incline.  That, in reality, was worse than the Presidio hill.  Because it fucked with your head.  It all seemed flat and easy, but you were slowly going up.  up.  up.  and you had no landmarks.  Somewhere in there my phone rang.  It was Dave!  Which was really surreal for me.  He said he was calling to wish me luck.  I really appreciated that he was doing that, but my head wasn't in a space to really connect with all of it.  The whole thing felt just surreal.

And then we were at Mile 10.  Which was at the Cliff House.  And the top of the Great Highway.  We both chose to run all the way to the bottom which was so exhilarating.  Honestly, I think this was the BEST that I felt all day.  I just ran and ran and ran.  And I cried and cried and cried.  There were real tears streaming down my face.  I'm not even sure why. 

When we reached the bottom, we headed into Golden Gate Park.  There were folks handing out bananas and I grabbed one.  I don't even like bananas, but I really felt my body needed it.  I gobbled it down, and knew right away this was a mistake.  I told Dr. Suz shortly afterwards that I needed another port-a-potty.  In my head I just kept saying, "Just breathe.  Keep breathing.  You can do this!"  I think we finally found a set of them at Mile 13.  Puke, Piss, Pray.   At this point I was begging Clyde Fairy to please help me make it.  Please.  We were only half way finished and I was not feeling well at all.

This section of the marathon really fucks with your head, too.  You go into Golden Gate Park and as you're going in, you're seeing lots of people coming out.  Lots and lots of people.  And it is really defeating.  You know all those people are in front of you.  And you have no idea how far they've already gone or how far you have to go or where on earth you're ever going to turn around.  You just have to keep going.  And going.  And going.  And eventually you get to a little horseshoe turnaround area where you do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around, but instead of that being what it's all about you go right back where you just were!  It's a mind fuck, let me tell you.

Dr. Suz and I started making deals with each other.  Oh look, that mile wasn't that hard.  We just have to do 13 more of those.  We can easily do 13 more of those, right?  Right!  Of course we can.  We can do anything!!

When we exited the park, some of our teammates were standing there with signs and hugs and the most beautiful smiles two struggling marathoners could ever hope to see.  Again, I burst into tears.  My foot, at this point, was burning beyond measure.  I had developed some huge blister on top of another blister so that the entire ball of my left foot was one massive blistered mess.  But I didn't want to do anything about it, really, because I figured it would just make it hurt even more. 

Dr. Suz and I were now on the Great Highway.  Which, when we were discussing this marathon in the early days, we thought would be lovely.  A walk along the ocean.  We do that all the time in Santa Cruz.  But now, again, it just felt like torture.  Because this route was again one where you went out and came back.  So while we were just heading out there were all these others who were coming back...to the finish line.  A place we so longed to be, but we had 9 miles to go before we'd ever get there.

About this time Grace Davis called for the first time.  She asked me where we were.  We were just passing Mile 18.  She screamed and told me how awesome we were and that we were doing it, we were goddesses, we rocked!  Her enthusiasm was quite contagious and for a moment I really believed her.  Then I told her I wanted to vomit and she told me that throwing up was a good idea.  Well, okay! 

But it was shortly after I hung up the phone with Grace that I entered into a very strange place.  A parallel universe.  A Dali painting.  Words suddenly had color.  Sounds suddenly had shapes.  I could see through walls.  And everything was slipping and sliding and nothing felt as it should be. 

I mentioned to Dr. Suz that I didn't think I could make it.  That I was in a scary place.  She asked me if I needed to stretch?  Oh yes, stretch.  Perhaps if I stretched.  So I stretched.  And then found another port-a-potty and wretched.  And drank lots more water.  Always more water.  I drank and drank and drank.  Water.Water.Water. 

But with each step, life became more grueling.  I was quickly losing touch with reality.  And I knew it.  However, I did not want to let Dr. Suz down.  I certainly didn't want to let all those people who had sponsored me down.  And I didn't want to let Dave win.  I know it sounds completely irrational and stupid and insane.  I know this.  But I couldn't not finish.  I could not allow him telling me he was leaving me to be the reason I did not finish this marathon.  I.do.not.quit.  Not on my marriage, not on my dogs, not on the marathon.

We kept going.  The course took us all the way around Lake Merced.  I do not care if I ever walk around Lake Merced again.  Each mile that we walked around the Lake took progressively longer and longer.  Grace would call and ask where we were and I would tell her we had just passed Mile 20.  Then 21.  Then 22.  Then 23.  Finally, we were at Mile 24 and we were back on the Great Highway.  Going back the way we had come.  I was having to stop every twenty-five feet or so just to regain my balance and sense of reality.  The world was spinning without me and I was literally just trying to stay on it. 

And then, up ahead, there in the distance, was Grace.  Like an angel she was standing there with Malcolm the wonder dog.  And when I saw her I started sobbing like a baby.  And she started hollering like a banshee.  "THESE ARE MY FRIENDS!  CHEER FOR MY FRIENDS!!!  LOOK AT MY FRIENDS!!!!"  It was awesome.  She checked in with us and asked us what she could do to help us get over the finish line.  She gave me more water.  She held me up, literally.  And she walked with me, step by step, all the way to to the finish line all the while shouting, "CONGRATULATE JEN AND SUZ!!  THEY ARE MARATHONERS!!!" 

Our Team in Training coaches and staff were waiting for us at the finish line and when I told them I needed to go to the Medical Tent they escorted me there right away.  But Grace did not leave my side.  People, let me tell you this.  If you ever decide to do a marathon or perhaps have a baby or perhaps get married or maybe just, um, oh I don't know, throw a protest....you want GRACE DAVIS on your support team.  That woman is an angel, a goddess, a pit bull and your very best friend all rolled into one. 

The Medics were not quite sure what to do with me.  I sat down and instantly turned blue.  The doctor took my pulse and looked at me and said, "You just finished a marathon.  Your pulse is 60.  That can't be right.  Let me take it again."  He took it again.  "Um, it's 60.  Wow!  Let me take your blood pressure."  "Wow.  It's 110/70  Did you really just finish??" 

"Yes, I just finished."

"So, you've been throwing up the whole race?"

"Yes.  Actually, all week."

"Oh, so you had the flu this week?"

"Um, no, not really.  On Monday, my husband told me he was done with our marriage.  I started throwing up that night.  And I had diarrhea.  On Wednesday I went to Urgent Care because I was feeling pretty suicidal.  But I had to do this marathon.  Because if I didn't do it, then it would be because of him.  And he's already screwed enough things up.  I can't not do the marathon because of him!  So I did it.  And I was determined to finish!"

"Woah.  Um, okay.  You are one determined woman!  Can we get a sodium reading on her?"

So they tried to get a sodium reading.  But my veins had collapsed.  But they did managed to figure out that I actually had  hyponatremia and that I had actually been over-hydrating through out the marathon.  Because of my week of not eating and vomiting and diarrhea, my bodies electrolytes and sodium levels were all screwed up.  And because I was already an epilepsy patient, my brain was a tad more sensitive than the rest.

The good news, though, is that I had Grace Davis as my support team.  Really.  Once those medics were ready to release me, Grace took over and boy did she take over.  Big time.  Remember what I said about having Grace on your team?  I mean it.  You really want her on your team! 

I have never felt so loved, so cared for, so enveloped in warm cozy love as I was in the hours following the marathon when she was determined to make sure that I was okay.  She got me an ice bath to make sure my muscles didn't seize.  She got me lovely miso soup to try and help bring my body back into balance.  She got me special juice.  She got me pretzels.  She provided therapy!  She was just, in a word, a Marathon Mom.

I do not know that I will ever be able to repay her for all of her kindness on that day and the day that followed.  I do know that Grace knows how very much I love her and that there isn't anything I would not do for her in return.  Anything.at.all.

I finished the Nike Marathon on October 21, 2007.  It was not pretty.  It was not done well.  I almost killed myself in my attempt.  Marathons are excellent metaphors for life.  What I proved is that I can do it under the most extreme circumstances and cross the finish line.  And knowing that, well, I know that I can survive anything life throws my way. 

So bring it on.   

The State of Our Union

Seven years ago today, I told DearSweetDave, in front of a beautiful gathering of all our closest family and friends, that love meant wearing your seat belt when you drove your car. 

Until I met DearSweetDave I never wore my seat belt.  Ever.  It was just one of many reckless things I did in my life, but it was quite a poignant and important moment for me when I actually got in the car and reached for my seat belt and put it on not for me, but for him.  Because it was very important to him that I wear it.  I knew then that I truly loved him.

I know it sounds rather silly, a seat belt of all things, as a declaration of true love.  But there you have it.  Seven years later I still wear my seat belt when I drive.  And I'm still very much in love with DearSweetDave.

This past year of our marriage certainly has not been easy.  I haven't written the long and drawn out tomes about it here as much as I have in the past, but I will share that we've both spent a lot of time this year working on ourselves.  Individual work that has lead to some introspection and important growth.  It has also opened the doors of very valuable and naked and heartfelt conversations.  Conversations that have been so helpful and important to both of us reaching a new understanding of what "us" and our marriage truly means.

Our marriage, by our own definition, is not forever.  It is for today.  Each day when we awake, we choose to be married.  In this way, we make a conscious decision each and every day to be married.  To commit.  To love each other for one more day.  In this way, our marriage is always present. 

I have to give a sweet and loving thank you to DearSweetDave today for choosing me as his wife.  For loving me.  For being so very gentle and patient and loving with me this past year.  For loving himself enough to go deep inside and really face himself and to work so hard and diligently to live a passionate life in integrity and love.  I must also thank him deeply  for always being my biggest cheerleader, my very best friend and my greatest lover.  I can't imagine my life without him in it.  I can't imagine me without him.

I'm going to keep wearing my seatbelt.

NakedIan. Dreaming Big.

When DearSweetDave and I were married in 2000, NakedIan was one of my bridesmaids.

I wrote the following about him in our wedding program:

My brother, my best friend and my biggest cheerleader.  There is absolutely nothing that I wouldn't do for him.  When my life was its lowest he reminded me that "It's all good, Jen."  How many times has he told me that?  We've toured together, chased impossible dreams together, been stranded with nothing but the pink skirt that he was wearing...and through it all we've hugged and laughed and seen the brightest side.

So that's NakedIan.  I will share with you that he's been NakedIan for a lot longer than I've been Nakedjen.  A.lot.longer.  I will also share with you that for as long as I've known him, and that's a very long time, NakedIan has kind of been my "project".  I love the guy.  110%.  And I just really want the best for him.  So if that means helping him to find a place to live, or a job, or buying him dinner when he's a little short on cash, well, I'm always willing to do it.  However, I do believe that the best gift we can give someone is to help them to help themselves.  So my mission with NakedIan has always been to gently push him to be the very best NakedIan that he can be.  Whatever his big dream is, I'm always there to support it, but I do think it's my job to also act as a bit of a reality check for him sometimes. 

The good news is that we love each other so much that NakedIan knows, absolutely, that whatever I tell him it is coming from a genuine place of love and care.  I only want what is best for him.  Always.

In September I called NakedIan (IN SEPTEMBER!!) to ask him if I could have a standing date with him on Tuesday evenings to watch my beloved Gilmore Girls.  NakedIan has a very nice HD television set-up.  And now he happens to live very close to me after years of living in Bonny Doon.  So I thought who better to share my Gilmore Girl obsession with than my best naked bud?  But he waited until just last FRIDAY to call me back.  It's a good thing this wasn't an emergency!  I told him that I am not putting him down as the person to contact should something horrible happen to me.  He'll wait three months to call the emergency staff back and by then I'll most certainly be dead. 

Dead or not, I do have a pretty darn good offer from NakedIan to share with all of you.  It seems that he's found the best source for cheap magazines…period. There are hundreds of the most popular titles to choose from and you can get five one-year subscriptions right now for just $29.95. 

Now, here's the thing.  We at ChezNaked only like certain magazines.  And no, Playgirl and Playboy are not really among them.  We do happen to be fans of Rolling Stone.  Which we found on the list!  We also really like Vegetarian Times.  Again, it's on the list.  And I have a bit of an obsession with Vanity Fair even if they do happen to sit around for months before I actually read them.  Again, on the list!  So we ordered.  For ourselves. 

But for all of you?  The holidays are coming!  Perhaps you have family or friends that you'd rather NOT just purchase another gift card for this year?  Well, bingo!  Get them a gift that will keep coming to their mailbox ALL YEAR LONG.  They won't just thank you on Christmas morning, they'll thank you every single time that magazine appears in their mailbox. 

I'm doing it.  For NeverNakedBeth's family.  There are four of them.  They're each getting their own magazine.  And then the extra?   That one is for the WHOLE FAMILY.  That family is always such a challenge because, honestly?  They've got absolutely EVERYTHING they need.  And I mean everything. 

Anyway, I promised NakedIan I'd share his little find with all of you.  So now, I've done my duty.  And notice that I didn't wait for three months to do it.  Now all of you, go play Santa.  Even if it's just to fill your own stockings!

   

Sing Hallelujah!

  110806_08312.jpg 
  Originally uploaded by nakedjen.

Ding dong Rumsfeld is gone!  Stella couldn't be happier!  This was taken at the beach this morning right after I told her the good news!

Well, the election results seem to have swayed things the Democrats way.  However, I'm still very concerned about all the reports of election irregularities.  I myself witnessed some very odd happenings right at my own precint in Santa Cruz.  A woman who was voting using the one electronic machine available in the room kept "screwing up" and the election official monitoring the machine just kept telling her to push the yellow button to "restart".

It was my understanding that pushing the yellow button actually just meant that a new voter was voting.  But I do believe it did not obliterate the votes that had already been cast.  So that woman who kept screwing up yesterday?  I believe she voted a total of 4 times.  Not for everyone, mind you, but at least for whomever she was voting for for Governor.

Hmmm.....

I'm just not a van of the electronic voting process.  Not at all.

But I am a fan of a Democratic House and perhaps even a Senate. 

I'll be back with a naked picture to celebrate later today.  As well as the NaBloPoMo links.  But can we get one more Hallelujah? 

All together now...

And let's also sing Happy Birthday to Wendee!  Remember Wendee?  My BFF?  It's her birthday today!  So in her honor...here's a naked picture of me with her on her wedding day.  Which was one of the most beautiful days I've ever shared with anyone.  I feel so blessed to be able to call Wendee my friend.  I told her today that some days I miss her so much that I feel like I'm missing a limb.  And it's absolutely true! 

NaBloPoMo links for today?  How about these because Wendee now lives in Tennessee, but she's a California girl at heart:

Tennessee Text Wrestling

Tennessee Mountain Cur

Canned Tan Chic

By the way, Wendee?  If you're reading?  Check out Canned Tan Chic's entry for today.  Flamingos are going to be extinct!  I know that's not exactly the birthday news you wanted to hear.  But I think you and I better stock up.  Because we still haven't hung them upside down in the bathroom!

How To Make Me Giggle

Be Wendee.  And send the following to me:

Let me tell you a little story about a girl named Jen,
she likes to get naked in any town she's in.
She strips right down and stands there real proud,
with friends like me hollerin' real loud.
naked girl,   best friend,   goddess.

Well,   the first thing you know,   little Jen is gettin' crazy
I think about joining,   but am just too lazy
She yells "naked is beautiful and the only way to be"
Well you better watch out soon you'll be makin' room for me!
boobies,   that is,   thighs and rumps

Well,   then it's time for her to jump back in to her clothes
You don't want them folks walkin' by thinkin' you're a ho
but beautiful and confident is the only way to be
and without a doubt that's you DEFINITELY
Nakedgirl,   that is,   relax some,   take your clothes off.

Y'all come back now,   hear?

Always NakedJen. For the Next 42 Years!

again, veryveryvery insane day.  and people are coming to my house tomorrow!  for a birthday party.  for me.  i know i wanted to celebrate my birthday.  now i'm feeling like, crap, why did i want to do that?  crazy me. 

but i come bearing pictures.  it's friday. of my glorious naked fridays.  my mother is here.  to celebrate my 42nd birthday which is tomorrow and she is trying to convince me that i should give up this "naked friday foolishness".  i asked her if she really believed she knew who i was?  she said that for the last 25 years she thought this was just some "phase" i was going through.  no joke.  she said that.  and that she really believes that it's time for that phase to end.  that i'm not lady like with all this bearing of my girly bits on the internet. 

i told her it was never my intention to be lady like.  me.  nakedjen.  lady like.  uh. huh.  right. 

so she's asked that i tell you, all my very sweet and dear and lovely blog readers that there will no longer be any more nakedness. that this is my final naked hurrah!   i think instead i will just tell you exactly what i've told you.  nakedmom (as she calls herself on my blog) doesn't make the rules.  any more. 

she told me she wanted to be able to tell her friends back in washington that i don't "do that anymore".  again, har.  dee.  har. 

so i said something about pictures, didn't i?

from my very too short visit to tennessee.  the next time that i say i'm going to tennessee for a visit, someone PLEASE REMIND ME THAT IT TAKES ALL DAY TO GET THERE.  and that i might want to visit my dearest bestest friend wendee for more than 48 hours.  48 hours is not long enough when you only see each other every blue moon.  not at all long enough.  in fact, it's about 96 hours too short.  just remind me about that, okay?

by the way.  that cake?  wendee made me that cake.  wendee who is a new mom.  with a baby.  at home.  made. me. that. cake.  it was completely and totally amazing and overwhelmed me.  i was speechless. i nearly burst into tears.  i couldn't believe it. 

did i mention to you how much i love her?  let me say it again.  i love her.  completely. 

now i need to go and clean my house.  i think we're going to go see munich tonight.  or brokeback mountain.  one or the other.  i'm so behind on my movies and oscar nominations will be announced soon. 

oh and guess what?  i sent my sister, nevernakedbeth, the mormon, a dvd of what the bleep do we know for winter solstice.  guess what she sent me for my birthday?  the dvd.  that i sent her.  because, as she put it, she just couldn't "relate". 

it's rather amusing, really.  i was trying to stretch her mind, just the tiniest bit.  obviously that attempt backfired.  in spades.  she also sent me $5.  in cash.  with a note that said she wanted to send me organic popcorn to eat while watching the movie, but they didn't sell it in her tiny town in utah.  so she wanted me to go and get some in santa cruz.

funny girl, my sister.  but at least she did know that i wouldn't eat non-organic popcorn.  actually, i won't eat organic popcorn, either, but it is the thought that counts.  i hate popcorn for those who are keeping score.  it gets stuck in my teeth and makes me batty.  but guess what?  i can use that $5 to buy organic coffee at lulu's tonight before the movie so i don't fall asleep. 

and that will be a very good thing. 

p.s.  if you're in santa cruz, and you're reading, and it's saturday january 21 and you'd like to come and celebrate my birthday with me, please do.  i'd love that.  absolutely.  you don't even have to get naked!  you can stay completely dressed.  i'll be at the dog park in the morning, at lulu's at 11:00 for coffee and conversation, and having sushi with the
masses at mobo at 7:30.  and...there's cake at our house afterwards.  so really, you're more than welcome to join us.  just come on over.

Tennessee. Tennessee. Ain't No Place I'd Rather Be.

Remember Wendee? 

She and her fab husband, Randy, have had a baby.  I haven't met the cute little boy yet, so guess where I'm going?

That's right, Tennessee. 

I'm terribly excited. 

I get to finally meet the baby boy whose first word most certainly is going to be "fuck" if only because I said it about ten thousand times while we were driving across America together this summer.  I swear to you that child heard that word in utero at least ten thousand times if not ten thousand and one.

For the religious right who are reading (and I know you're out there) and who now feel the need to bash me for "bragging" that an innocent babe's first word will be fuck, I have this to say.

Please learn to read for comprehension.

I am traveling to Tennessee with Pinky.  Do you all remember Pinky?  I married her the day that Wendee married Randy.

The reason for this trip is not only for the two of us to shower Wendee's babe with all kinds of Magical Auntie Goodness, but also to get some good girlfriend time in, as well.

Oh, and yeah, to celebrate my birthday!  Early!  Truthfully, I think the fact that all three of us are managing to be together in the SAME PLACE is reason enough to celebrate.  The fact that it's also my birthday next week is just, well, yes, I'm going to say it...

Icing on the cake.

I'm off now to Tennessee.  Ain't no place I'd rather be.  Baby, won't you carry me?

Back to Tennessee.  Bom ba da dum dee dum dee dee dum!

Ketchup

am on my way to urgent care. los angeles was not kind to me or my lungs or my health. i had a great time, however. just spent most of it coughing up chunks of lung. the dogs did very well, all things considered. stella ate dave's ear plugs and my cell phone charger. buddha ate the heel of one of julia's flip flops. but honestly, it could have been a lot more troublesome. stella somehow managed to rip the zipper on our port-a-crate. setting herself and buddha free to destroy. pinky, smart woman that she is, still managed to crate them by putting the crate opening against a wall where they couldn't squeeze out.

i got very little sleep because the dogs were so off their usual routines. they insisted on going to the bathroom at 3:00 a.m. every night/morning. and as pinky lives on a busy street without a fenced yard, this meant me getting up, getting semi-dressed, and taking each dog out one at a time. oh what fun that was!

they also insisted on getting up at 6:00 every morning no matter WHAT TIME we had all retired the evening before. so there i was, at 6:00, with two dogs dragging me down the street to the "stoner" park. where we would play for an hour and then i would throw them into the van and drive them to the very upscale brentwood dog park. oh how they loved that park. and honestly, santa cruz could do a lot to take notes from that park. it was lovely. and perfect for the dogs. and i found out it is owned by the "dog owners" and they manage it. well, what a brilliant idea! i'm going to throw this idea out to the folks at my own dog park. we have two years to identify a workable space and purchase it. of course, land in santa cruz is an absolute PREMIUM, but i am quite good at convincing folks to part with things for good causes. and perhaps if we made ourselves some sort of dog non-profit or something so the owner of the land could get some sort of tax benefit...or maybe find a dog owner with a big chunk of land...thinking out loud here. anyway, this dog park was lovely. 5 acres. completely fenced. large dog area. small dog area. watering stations. clean up stations. some parts grass. some parts wood chips. loads of toys. lots of benches. and did i mention the cell phones? that was the oddest part about it to me. every single person there was talking on their cell phone. they all were in their own little bubbles. no one interacted with their dogs or each other at all. that part made me really sad. because when i go to the dog park every day twice a day it's as much for my OWN socialization as it is for my dogs. i like to chat. i like to make friends. i like to find out what's going on in other people's lives. but in brentwood they were all just so cold and in their own worlds. and there were movie stars there with their dogs. of course, i can't tell you who. not because i'm being "sly", but because i have no idea. i just recognized them. instantly. knew i knew them from some where. finally had my ah ha moment and said, "oh right, i'm in LA. movie star". one of them had a small pug that was quite enamoured with stella. and she actually stopped talking on her telephone long enough to actually chat with me for a few minutes. because i was "obvoiusly new" and my dogs were "beautiful". har. then she went back to talking to her agent and scheduling her pilates appointments. honestly, it was wild. you could get a whole lesson on the ins and outs of LA just by eavesdropping on all the cell phone conversations. oh and there was one dog walker there with 23 dogs. all at once. it was a beautiful thing to watch actually. he had such lovely control over all the dogs. you could tell that he worked with each one individually as well and that they all just adored him. but these dogs, from minature dauchsand to mastiff would all listen to him and do whatever he said. he could even get them to gather around him in a circle like nursery school playtime. it was really amazing.

stella and buddha loved that dog park. they really did. and even though i was ignored, the dogs all loved them. and they played and played and played. it was quite fun for them.

i'd usually get home from there around 10:00 a.m. or so and dave and pinky would just be waking up. and then we'd go and do fun things. dave and i spent a large part of thursday, his birthday, at burke williams spa being totally pampered. it was really nice. we spent a lot of time on friday shopping. and saturday night we went and saw minky and zach in their play, bunbury. we hung out with them afterwards for a while. love them both. had the best time. met zach's friend from dc who just finished shooting a movie with sarah jessica parker. he was the NICEST guy. goodness. i told zach the next day at brunch how much i liked his energy. it was just so genuine. very much like zach's! the play was good. i had some small issues with it, but when do i not? but really, as i said to dave, i didn't write it and the playwright who did write it did a terrific job of being both original and imaginative and that was really refreshing!

really, it was a weekend spent basking in the love of good friends. and eating really good food. and having dave all to myself. which i really loved. it was so nice to have that many days all together where we had no real plans and could just do whatever it was we wanted to do. and the fact that the dogs managed and really did behave was just a bonus.

we did get majorly lost on saturday night coming home from the theatre. goodness. somehow we ended up in little tokyo. and had no idea how the fuck to get back to pinky's. we called her, but she was charging her phone so it didn't even ring. and well, we just had to fend for ourselves. we finally found our way to wilshire and then just took it all the way home. which meant that we drove the magic bus right through beverly hills and that made me laugh. the day before we had skirted beverly hills when we went to melrose (where we were shopping with hillary duff at fred segal and then saw that guy who plays karen walker's boyfriend at johnny rockets...both those star sightings made us giggle) and i had joked to dave that we should drive the van right down rodeo drive and wave to people like we were in a parade. in fact, since it was naked friday, i told him we should do it naked. but of course we didn't do it. bah. i also declined pinky's offer to take a naked picture of me at the grove on saturday. which, in retrospect, i probably should have done. i have no recent naked pictures and my blog naked fridays have been sorely neglected. i need to do one. soon!

so now i have to get our holiday card finished. i didn't get that done before we left. am going to get that finished tonight. dave is spending tonight doing more birthday stuff with his family. i have been excused because of my cough. dave's dad and his wife, sally, are always certain they are going to get sick so if i'm sick i'm not going. which actually is okay with me. his two sisters will also be there and we all know that all of that can sometimes completely overwhelm me and make me a little bit nuts.

so i'll stay here. and do holiday cards. but first, i have to go to urgent care. because i can't stop coughing. and really, it's been since thanksgiving. i think this is enough already, don't you?

p.s.  'mouse, i'd love to sing that magic bus entry to the tune of alice's restaurant.  it would be lovely.  what a grand idea.  i just need to find one of my guitar friends to help me make that happen.

Friday Rambles

my hair is now so long that i really need to remember to brush or comb it on a fairly regular basis. today i discovered not one, not two, not three, but nine mini dreadlocks in my hair. i considered leaving them there as i really did love my dreads the last time around, but dearsweetdave does not like hair that he can't run his fingers through and even though, yes, it is MY HAIR, well, i do like it when he runs his hands through my hair, especially when it is longer, so i meticulously removed those dread locks and will now remember to brush my hair. i suppose it has been a year since i shaved my head. well almost. i finally have hair!

the van still reeks of gasoline. so i spent part of the morning at the shop. but the tested and retested everything and there are NO LEAKS. just lots of gas on everything that needs to evaporate. and as it is cold and wet, that's going to take a while. so i'm driving around with all windows open and hoping it goes away soon. i only have so many brain cells.

dearsweetdave came home last night and announced that he had scheduled us for a hot tub at well within for 9:30 p.m. it was a LOVELY way to spend a cold and wet rainy evening. we soaked. we chatted. we got very warm and toasty. and the rain had stopped by the time we had to walk home. perfect.

spent another part of this morning at acupuncture. i got the mega treatment for my seizures. and the needles hurt like a bitch. but i know that this REALLY WORKS. it's the best thing for them, actually. angie also gave me three new chinese remedies to take. 12 pills of this. 6 pills of that. 2 pills before bed. all that on top of my huge box of supplements that i'm already taking. i'm a walking vitamin aisle.

while waiting for the van i wandered over to the pet store. so the puppies got majorly spoiled today. treats galore and a new toy that they're currently playing keep-away with downstairs. i can here them running back and forth around the dining the room table and slamming into the living room wall. joy!

buddha seems to have a "cold" or some sort of infection in his eye. maybe conjunctivitis? i'm not sure. so he's going to the vet in an hour. it's all goopy with yellow discharge. ick. once i have a diagnosis, i'll ask if we should just treat stella prophylacticly, as well, so i don't end up with her there in a few days. the joy of having TWO DOGS.

saw nakedian's girlfriend at the grocery store this morning. we're all going to have breakfast tomorrow after walking the dogs. i can't wait. i haven't seen nakedian in FOREVER and really that's just TOO LONG. he hasn't even met buddha yet. he met stella on the street one day when i was walking her home from obedience class. like 6 weeks ago. he needs to meet these dogs!

why does my office get so messy??? i need to hire someone to come and organize it for me. it's at the point where it's overwhelming and i just want to scoop everything up and DUMP IT. but i can't really do that because there may be important papers hiding among all these piles. ugh. i really can not stand messy surfaces. it's too chaotic for my already chaotic head! makes me nuts.

tomorrow is a factory sale in watsonville. going to go to that and see what treasures i can score. never been so have no idea if it will be good or not. what i really want to do is go to the new H&M store in san francisco. but i want to blink my eyes and just be standing in the middle of the store. i don't want to actually have to drive there. i'm so LAZY.

i'm taking dave to los angeles for his birthday. i need to figure out some very cool things to do while we're there. am tempted to take him on the WB lot tour as that was actually pretty darn cool and he's never done anything like that. i wonder if there's something else REALLY COOL that i could do that would be an "only in LA" kind of thing for him. if any of you, my lovely readers, have a suggestion im all ears.  send me an email!  i'm doing this instead of presents because, well, the boy has everything he wants and if he doesn't have it, he just goes and buys it. makes it hard to "surprise" him. although i did score a very cool gift from mcsweeney's for him that i know he'll love. and he has NO IDEA that it even exists. which is all the better.

still wondering about our holiday cards. we're getting them in the mail from other people which makes me feel like i need to figure ours out! goodness. i LOVED our card from last year. just loved it. no idea what we'll do this time around. maybe something with glitter. as drew barrymore says, you know you're putting a good thing out into the universe when you put on glitter!

met this guy at the dog park today that does desk top videoconferencing. such a small world. his yellow lab is 6 months old and IN LOVE with stella. like searches the park for stella. so funny. but interesting that he does THAT in this tiny town and i didn't know him until i got my puppies. that was what i did at the evil empire. you'd think we would have crossed paths.

okay, the puppies are being very quiet. i must go investigate what they're possibly destroying. we all know quiet puppies means they're doing something they're not supposed to be doing. or at least that's what it means at chez naked.

and i know that's not a naked picture, or even a picture of me, but i got email this week from more than one person telling me that they really wished i was better looking if i was going to put myself naked on the internet.  now, i could write a diatribe about that, as we all know.  and i promise i will continue to be naked here and where ever else i feel like being naked because we all know that one person's pretty is another person's ugly and the wonderful thing about the internet is that if you see something you don't like, you can just keep searching and you'll eventually find something you DO LIKE.  it's lovely how that works.  so not apologizing by any means that i'm not pretty enough naked for some folks who happen to find their way here.  just decided that i'm really missing that lovely lady in that photo and her dog...like REALLY MISSING...and so i'm just honoring that, and them, and our amazing friendship.  'nuff said.