One month ago I was sitting in the airport in Seoul, Korea rolling the dice. My own dice. I had gotten the last flight out of Bali and I was on the last flight leaving Seoul for America. The destination was Seattle. The big question was if it was actually going to depart? Delta Airlines seemed to believe that it would, but that were not 100% positive. No one could be, of course. I had already spent the last 48 hours scrambling with flights out of Bali. I knew that Korea was actually a fairly safe spot to be in terms of the virus and I actually have a good network of support there so I made the decision that if the flight was cancelled I was going to just leave the airport and stick it out in Seoul.
I am not going to lie. Making that decision gave me a real sense of peace. It took all the anxiety out of the situation. I was either going back to America or I was not. But now it was no longer really up to me. It was a matter of whether or not Delta decided to fly the plane.
The flight from Seoul to Seattle actually did happen that evening. It had very few passengers and the most surprising part of the whole journey, to me, was that while I was vetted thoroughly in Korea before boarding (temperature, travel, physical health) when I landed in America in Seattle no one was wearing a mask or gloves and I was not told to self-quarantine or even asked about where I had been. I just walked right off the plane and right into America and was welcomed home practically with a bear hug. In fact, my suitcase had literally EXPLODED on its way off the plane and all my stuff was all over the luggage carousel and everyone was quite helpful in helping me gather it up and shove it inside and then the people who help with luggage (I still had to fly to Salt Lake City) were also very helpful in duct taping my suitcase up so it could make its final journey home.
America was not in any way prepared for the virus. There were no marks, yet, on the airport floor telling me to keep my social distance. There was no signage about the virus. Seattle, which was at the time a HOT SPOT, had very few people at the airport, but they had yet to alert the world that perhaps we should be taking very careful precautions. I eventually made my way to Salt Lake City, quarantined myself for 14 days, have still continued to practice careful precautions and have watched as our numbers in America follow the predicted trajectory. Math and science and data of this virus are proving more powerful than whatever magical thinking we all wish to apply.
*****
I am a healthy white woman with access to excellent health care. I even was able to get a test for the virus once I got back to Utah. I do not feel unsafe here, but the color of my skin and my own demographics create a very privileged bubble that allow me to shelter in place and order my groceries online and not worry about how I'll feed my dog and even to send money and supplies and food to my friends (and strangers) who are not nearly as privileged as I am.
Before all of this began, long before, I would say to the people in our community clinic that we're all in this together.
I still believe that.
Now, more than ever.
I have no illusions that it probably is going to get a whole lot worse before it ever starts even begins to creep towards getting better. I also can't even imagine what better looks like at this point, only that it looks incredibly different than anything we ever knew before.
In fact, we can only hope that it will for the survival of us all.