nakedjen

I don't know why it's been so long

"Pleasures
First look from morning's window
The rediscovered book
Fascinated faces
Snow, the change of the seasons
The newspaper
The dog
Dialectics
Showering, swimming
Old music
Comfortable shoes
Comprehension
New music
Writing, planting
Traveling
Singing
Being friendly" 
— Bertolt Brecht 

• What I am reading A million years ago, I was fortunate enough to stumble into a theatre on a very cold February night in East Berlin and see a performance of this play. That same year, I also saw it performed with breathtaking brilliance by none other than Dame Judi Dench in the title role at the Barbican Theatre in London. That cast also included Zoe Wanamaker and Tilda Swinton (and I saw the play, not joking, for like $5 because, well, London 1984).  All this to say that it still speaks to us now, just as it did then, perhaps even more so.  Mother Courage lost all her children in the war. We're still losing the battle. As humans, I am afraid, we may never actually learn that our past is prologue. 

• What I am eating  Ultimate comfort food. It's FREEZING in SLC right now. Big pot of this. It lasts. My professor is missing (not really, but he is not here this week) and this warms up and allows me to eat quickly after working all day at the clinic and dashing to other evening activities. 

• What I am Listening To  You pulled me up when you took my hand/There was silence in my heart/And now I'm striking up the band/They lit the bonfire but now we can light the lamp. Dirty Projectors latest release, Lamp Lit Prose, is a testament to everything that made me fall in love with them many years ago and remember that they're just good medicine for me. They're quirky, they're not everyone's favourite, but they're one of mine. 

• What I am watching  Rickey Jackson served nearly 40 years in an Ohio prison on death row for a crime he did not commit. He shares part of his story. 

• What I am thinking about When the powers that be decided to scrap the Medical Marijuana proposition that the good people of Utah voted for and passed, they also scrapped edibles along with it.  And with that, they scrapped my own plans to relaunch Dreamsweet Organics as a medicinal edibles company.  It is no secret that I have been also talking about how someone should actually come up with a CBD infused KOMBUCHA, so, hey, I'm glad to see that Dave was already thinking about this and was working away at it.  I also can't help but smile that he's calling this product DREAM CATCHER. Ahem. I've been aligned with this company since it was just one single offering on a shelf in small independent health food stores. I'm proud of his success. I honored to have been a part of it.
  
  And...I'm also still very angry at my so-called representatives in the state of Utah for preventing the citizens from having what they actually wanted in the name of Jesus Christ our Saviour, Amen.  Eventually this state will learn that democracy is not spelled MORMON. 

• What I am really feeling: Frustrated.  Introverted, as well.  I'm supposed to be at a party right this minute.  I didn't go because I decided pajamas and warm socks and a big black dog sitting in my lap were far more my style right now. I know, shocking. 
   

Still grateful...

If you had told me in the summer of 1995, on that August day, when Jerry Garcia died, and my whole world crashed down around me and I thought that the songs could not longer be sung that in the very late spring of 2017 I would find myself standing barefoot in the grass on a hill in Salt Lake City dancing and singing out loud with a twelve year old boy and his professor father who have their hearts all tied up with mine and who call me their own, I would have wiped my crying eyes, tilted my head sideways like a small puppy, and told you to eat another wacky cookie because, well, Jerry was dead and the music had stopped and there was no one left for my heart to love and no way I was ever going to be in Utah.

It's funny how life finds other plans for your foolish heart while you're busy living it.

Wednesday night I shook my hips to Sugaree with that small child who shares his heart with mine and he smiled and he laughed and he has asked me if he can please, please, please go to another Grateful Dead concert. Yes, well, Jerry may still be dead, but he absolutely loved his very first concert experience. At one point he asked me if every single Deadhead just knows one another and I explained to him that, well, yes, we kind of all do because it's like one, large, very happy hippy family. 

My professor asked me if I was going to dance through the entire show? I explained that, well, yes, I might. The set list was a bit mixed up (for my very picky particular tastes), but I have to admit that they played well and I specifically at one point said, aloud, "Well, it would be really great if they played Masterpiece next...." and then, yes, they did just that.  Thank you, Bobby. You made my little heart explode in that moment.

I loved sharing every single tiny and big and special moment with those two who hold my own heart so very gently and deeply in theirs. Even the set break was magical in my own very Nakedjen way and that filled my heart with glee.  Utah served up a perfect evening for a Dead show. The crowd showed up, the band showed up and we created a very tangible new family memory. 

I am still and always forever grateful. 

*****

As a quick addendum to this story: When we fell into bed late that night (it was actually more like 1:30 a.m) my professor turned to me and said, "You actually DID this every single day for like YEARS of your life? Night after night?" And I sighed, happily, and said, "Well, yes. Pretty much. Until the music stopped."

"I don't know how you did it?!"

"It's the music and the family and all those love bubbles..." xo